Sunday 31 July 2011

The first, the everything

I'm not sure if I'm generally more meh about everything, or if I conceived first time so easily I took it all for granted, or if having twins meant it was impossible, but I have never had the "first born" thing. Most people seem to have this thing where their first born, only their first born, is excessively precious and fragile. This only lasts until the second child arrives and never applies to second and subsequent children.

All babies are precious and fragile, I know this. They are miraculous and all parents believe their child is the most beautiful, perfect, clever, wonderful person to ever live. (My babies actually are the cleverest and beautifullest, by the way). I do baffle at entourages for newborns though, and the amount of stuff that accompanies the entourage. It's the wonderment that accompanies it all, and I do feel (probably as a second born child) that it's a bit unfair that it only applies to baby number one.

One thing I don't do however that many many parents do and I don't understand it (although I am well envious that they have the option) is leave their babies overnight with a grandparent - or sister or cousin or friend - from a very young age. Said person is obviously part of the entourage, but I couldn't be apart from my babies overnight until they were over a year old, and even then I only ever left them with their father. Some smart cookies seem to arrange a regular night off virtually from birth.  for us, babysitting ended when we got home, and was a bi-monthly treat anyway (now it is less, sigh). The boys from the age of 4 were allowed overnight to their granny, three nights is the longest they have been away from us and I miss them like crazy when they're gone. Maybe my (relative) nonchalance about their existence stems from their omnipresence?

Many mothers return to work quite soon after their first baby is born (not so true with second babies, part time and career breaks seem to be more common with every additional child) and I envy them both the job to return to and the additional things  that they can provide for. But there are benefits to being at home and being the sole carer for your babies; the being apart must lead to slight overcompensation when together. Also only having one child may make it easier to devote oneself entirely to that one child. I may do that this time, I am quite excited at the thought of swimming, mother and toddlers, baby carriers, going back to work (maybe) and other things that were out of the question with twins. I may have the first-born experience with my singleton! I don't think she'll be staying away in a hurry though.

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