Bust-a-myth

It's a funny business the whole having-a-baby one. Through both pregnancies I've been quite simply amazed by some beliefs/attitudes/plans with regards to childbirth.

Today I have been reading the importance of bonding. Pah!

Skin to skin bonding isn't all that possible with two babies, so when my twins were born, I got O to bond with, and Daddy got R. O didn't ever suckle - despite every effort to encourage him - so that didn't work, and from about 6 hours after birth, R screamed the hospital down if he looked up into any face that wasn't his mummy's. Until about the age of four and a half, R was through and through a mummy's boy. Sociable and friendly, but firmly fixed on me as his number one. O, on the other hand, was the opposite. Clingy when it was just us, but if there was another option, Daddy, Granny or one of his finite selection of approved people. He would go nuts if I went to take him out of the carseat if Daddy was there. That's the one who bonded with me.

A friend of mine had her baby under general anaesthetic, after a long and traumatic labour. She had no issues with bonding either.

I firmly believe that feelings of failure and disappointment are due to expectations and the bombardment of what-you-must-do. We are led to believe that a natural birth is better, although we are thankfully not brainwashed. We are told firmly that bonding and immediate suckling are essential. And we are genuinely brainwashed into believing breast is best, to the extent that mothers are loathe to even offer a top up of formula.

Leave us alone!

We want to survive, we want a healthy child. How we get there is NOT IMPORTANT.

Nothing's changed baby bump wise, I needs the odd rant

Still sitting (mostly)

I CAN'T WALK!!!

Ok, that's not true. I can, and with crutches it doesn't actually hurt. I feel a bit like the crutches are no good and I'm waving them about pointlessly, but the pain doesn't come and I can feel a lot of pressure in my arms, so I guess all that pressure isn't on my pelvis. There's certainly a big difference if I go from leaning on the crutches to not leaning on them; I can feel the pressure transfer through to my feet, obviously passing via the pelvis.

It's hard work though and I feel sooooo self conscious. And not being able to carry things is a pest. I had a jacket on today on the way to the school, which I removed and tied round my waist only to have it drop off seconds later. Picking up is not my forte at the moment so much grr-ing was required.

People are very sympathetic to me-with-crutches, which I find very embarrassing. Nope, there is no pleasing me. Lack of sympathy annoys; sympathy embarrasses. I know that people do care and the lack of attention is because I appear/claim to be capable, and I am aware of appearing very incapable. But it is nice how caring people actually are. In my ungrateful moments I think - but never say - "what do you think I've been on about the last couple of months???" when asked what I've done to myself. Pelvis no worky. I definitely mentioned it to, erm, everyone.

So. Other pregnancy things.

Gestation: 26+5
Movement: lots and lots
Other symptoms: indigestion, stingy boobies, a very large abdomen, and that is all.

The movements are amazing. I can't get enough of them. It makes me wonder in amazement that there is actually a human being inside there, that will soon be out and growing up and being a proper little person. From a few tiny cells inside of me, to a person.

I do feel quite astonished when I look at my huge five year olds and struggle to imagine how they ever were two foetuses side by side in my abdomen. And the whole thing just happens, because we copulated at the right times there are three new people. All I've done is not break them.

Shut up, pessimistic "yet".

3am

Never express views at 3am. It is currently 2.49 so unless I'm very brief, it's a mad one.

Freaked out. Very.

Issues on my mind:

We have to move house.
We can't get shot of this one.
We can't afford anything bigger.
It's the summer holidays on Friday; we have no garden, live on the second floor and I can't walk anywhere.
We need to move. By Friday.

I'm a big bit miffed that one - one! - of my friends/family/acquaintances has offered to help or visit. Thanks guys!

I'm sure I'm not that neglectful?

Oh look. Paddy over and it's only 5 to. Semi coherence is possible.

Crutched

Well, I've got crutches now. And I have to say, they help a LOT. I even slower than I was without them, and there's the obvious downside of not being able to carry anything - something I forgot to consider when taking my maternity notes and a tiny handbag. My rucksack will have to be my handbag in case of needing to carry anything.

The physio asked how I was when moving my legs to the side. For the last few days it has been very painful, if I'm sitting and I let my leg flop to the side, it hurts. Legs must point straight forwards at all times, or the pelvis objects.

Based on this, the physio reckons a c-section would probably be best, as I would be very limited in positions to labour in. This pleases me. For one, I feel less like a section is a cop out for every additional reason I have. Plus, I would guess a consultant would be less likely to try and talk me round to a VBAC if pain is a consideration.

I shortly have to go to the school to collect the boys. I am really apprehensive about going with crutches. Having had to walk a fair way back to the car at the hospital, I know that they will make the walking part less arduous, but I feel incredibly self conscious.

I do also feel that I should be used as a caution to young girls. What with my twins and my crutches I feel I make a far more effective deterrent than a crying baby doll.

Sticks of apprehension

Today is the day that I get crutches. I have never used crutches in my life, other than "having a shot" when other people have broken a leg/foot/ankle.

My state of mind is a confused one, for a change. Conflicting thoughts of "oh my God, I'm going to be rubbish at this, and I'll be embarrassed and useless" with "I will actually be able to walk more than ten yards*, woohoo, I can more or less function as (semi) normal" mean I'm excited and scared all at the same time. Mostly scared, which is the primary sentiment for most pregnancy related emotions.

*Yes, yards, it's imperial for distance. Blame convention, not my education.


More later, when I am encrutched...

A new worry

So last week I saw the hygienist. Due to shortness of her working hours and two cancellations on my part (once as I was unwell, and once as O was home ill from school) I have been waiting to see her since December. And I saw her last week, to be told I have gum disease. I'm a bit narked as I would have had it treated long since.

I'm not sure if it has advanced to periodontal disease, I think she said it had, but that is Not Good.

This morning a crown which has been happily in situ for about 15 years just fell out. So I thought I'd look further into the causes of dental rubbishness during pregnancy.

Studies have indicated the bacteria can pass to the foetus and cause harm. There is one - just one - Daily Mail et al reported case of a stillbirth caused by the bacteria. More credible recent studies indicate there is not necessarily any link between gum disease and risk to the foetus, but there is a lot of literature to suggest there is. The link supposedly is to preterm delivery and low birthweight; the latter applying to full term babies as well as pre term.

I do know better than to ask Dr Google anything. The stillbirth is only reported in sources renowned for dubious "facts". The link is reported on general scaremongering sites.

The hygienist indicated no need for concern, other than a desire to stop the receding gums in their tracks. The gums are being treated, and I am now borderline OCD about dental hygiene.

I'm sure it'll be fine. But - yikes - something else to freak out about.

Sloth

I spent the entire day doing nothing today. 8-9 am I was involved in getting the boys ready for school. Back to bed until 12.30, then got up, had lunch, stared at the TV and did the school run via Lidl.

Lidl is my new favourite shop, you can park at the door.

Despite, or perhaps due to, lack of movement, the 200 yard walk from car to school was almost beyond me. Slow doesn't begin to describe it and I had to stop and take a deep breath to get past an ouchie moment more than once.

It occurred to me today: I can't carry a thing when walking with crutches. How's that going to work? I do curse the fact that we live on the second floor, although probably not as much as I am thankful that we are all on one level. When I'm in, I'm in.

Other than the PGP, all is well. No mad twitchy legs, indigestion is manageable, baby moves lots and is clearly growing well. Inactivity does sit well with me, and it's so much more likely that I'll eat healthy non stomach upsetting food when I have to make it at home. I clearly need to carve myself an at home career.

Did I ever promise interesting posts? No, I did not.

Bedrest or something approximating this

I am now signed off work for the duration. My signed off period ends the day that I am due to come off on leave. So no work till next summer.

Physio called me today, I am advised to try not moving where possible, and I've to go on Monday and collect crutches.

I feel a bit useless. No, I feel a lot useless. The whole thought of the summer holidays, followed by the school run in my latter weeks of pregnancy, followed by a new baby to care for is making me feel completely overwhelmed. And so I'm being psychotic, natch. I cried at the doctor today mostly because I was so relieved to see it was my own doctor.

I am measuring 3 weeks ahead of what I should be. A part of my brain knows that this is irrelevant and is due to overstretching by twins and general lack of shapeliness, but another part is thinking maybe, just maybe, she is further on and will arrive earlier, fully cooked and healthy. 37 weeks would be nice, assuming she's all done and well. That's 10 September or so. That's less time to hobble about.

I am placing great faith in the crutches and their ability to aid me to walk. I am envisaging happy summer managing-to-make-it-across-park outings. I am however a little apprehensive about the fact that I'll need to learn how to walk with crutches. I collect them at 12 on Monday; at 3 on Monday I have to collect the kids from school. If anyone laughs I'll probably cry at them.

Baby has been more restful today, lack of caffeine perhaps. Still enough movement to alleviate concerns (plus inevitable heartbeat checks) so it's ok.

So tired. So sore. So inactive.

Self pity

I'm going to vent as nearly nobody reads this and so I don't get offended when nobody says anything.

Right.

Pelvic pain is unbearable. No work today. Called physio, was told that I could go to a class on Monday but they had no appointments for two weeks. I pointed out I basically can't walk and so I got told that I will get a call when they have an appointment. Whenever that is.

Today's huge amount of activity consisted of collecting the boys from school, driving to asda and waddling round to get some birthday cards and cakes.

NB Cakes for me. I need cakes.

Result: absolutely broken. When I say I can't walk, I obviously can actually walk, it just hurts too much and the more I walk, the more it hurts.

I'm so fed up, and I'm back to feeling very sorry for myself. How are you? I'm sore. Oh.

No, I need more sympathy than that. I'm more or less stuck in the house and I'm struggling to deal with the twins and their need to be transported, have a functional adult, be fed etc. What worries me most is how to get through the summer holidays without them being bored stupid.

I would like to go to work for the last couple of weeks. I would, i feel really bad about not going. But the walking hurts too much that I couldn't sit at my desk when I got there. I don't know how to get signed off either, that usually has to be done by a doctor and I doubt they'd see me when it's a midwife thing. I'll throw myself at their mercy tomorrow.

I kind of want a bit of fussing. I know. I know. Hubby is being ace, he's doing a lot of chores and he is taking the boys to school every morning, but he's not a fusser. I need regular fussing over.

Pout. Boo. Hormonal spoiltness.

Be pleased about baby.
Be pleased about lovely hubby.
Be pleased about enforced houseboundness in time of dissertation finishing.
Don't expect too much of other people.

Done now.

Immobility and getting maudlin

Oh dear. Moving is becoming more and more difficult. I couldn't face walking to work today after another more or less sleepless night, so I didn't go. Pain in my pelvis - front and back - made even sitting sore today.

I had a visit to the midwife today, all is well with baby and mother aside from the pelvis. BP is fine, urine is clear, heartbeat of baby is present and normal. Next visit they check my blood for haemoglobin and glucose and what not, as I'll be into trimester 3 and all set for gestational diabetes, anaemia and elevated BP.

The midwife (my own assigned midwife, who I like) was very sympathetic about my pelvis and gave me the contact number for the obstetric physio and a reflexologist. On the latter, I am sceptical about such things but it won't do any harm, isn't taking any herby tinctures and to be honest I'm prepared to give anything a shot it if helps. I am also advised to try aqua natal or generally being in a pool. Walking not swimming though, so the boys and I may spend some time at the pool during the summer holidays.

I'm not entirely sure my spouse, friends, other relatives and especially my colleagues are all that impressed - or sympathetic - about how feeble I'm being. I shall not dwell on this as I'm teetering on the brink of feeling very sorry for myself. Again.

So I'll watch my jiggling tummy for a while and remind myself what it's all about. If that fails I'll look at pink baby clothes and Disney princess films.

Miracle baby

I'm not entirely sure pregnancy is ever touted as a cure for maladies but this baby has so far cured my various ailments. It does remain to be seen whether the recovery persists when the baby has been born, but to date the baby, or the hormones connected to her existence, have "fixed" the following:

1) my whiplash. In April 2009 I was in a minor car accident that resulted in persistent severe pain in my neck. As little as two weeks prior to knowing I was pregnant, I was unable to reduce my maximum dose of tramadol at all. Movement in my neck was limited through pain. On discovering I was pregnant, I tried to wean myself off the drugs. I didn't take one until I needed one, until I noticed I hadn't taken one all day. Or the next. Or the next. And still my neck is like it was before. Normal. It gets a little achey on occasion but no more than that. I can assume it was ligament related and the relaxin has loosened the tautness caused by the accident and allowed the ligaments to return to normal.

2) vegetarianism. In the last three years I started off a fully signed up carnivore, then a complete non-meat eater (I am loathe to say vegetarian for fear of being lynched as I did eat jelly babies). I then returned to eating poultry and so that remained until I was pregnant. I don't eat fish partially for ethical reasons (I have to remind myself that smoked salmon and scallops are fish) but now I am enjoying red meat again.

3) I had some sort of skanky nail thing which resulted in a couple of my fingernails almost entirely falling off. I had a paint on solution that I was to apply for the nine months it takes to regrow an entire nail. Or, apply for a couple of months then stop applying in case of detrimental effect on baby and lo and behold, full nails a month later.

I am trusting fully that none of the above will return post partum in light of departing hormones. I am also trusting that the pelvis will return to normal fairly swiftly and that such things as bending will be possible again. And I should be, like, normal. Woo.

Once I've recovered from the birth and my pelvis returns to form that is. 2012 will be the year of good health and no debilitating conditions. It will.

While still dealing with the pregnancy induced pain, my parents brought me a "helpful hand" grabber which is ace. I think I'd be utterly depressed if I needed one permanently, but for convenience and just a couple of months, it's kinda useful.

Baby still v active, I amused myself for a while earlier by placing a small stuffed lizard on my bump and watching it twitch in time with kicks. I love that, I could interact with a kicky bump all day.

Return to work dependent on sleep. No napping all day should at least provide tiredness. Indigestion could provide wakefulness. We'll see. If I can't make it to work I think I'll have to get signed off properly. I don't really want to do that, but if I can't cope, I can't cope.

Day off

Last night proved to be virtually sleep free. Indigestion and sore legs were the culprits last night but the resulting lack of sleep mean I am fit for nothing this morning. So I have dispatched chiddlers to school and their daddy to work (kindly daddy drops the boys off each day to save me walking) and I am now back in bed. And STILL sleep eludes me. Sigh.

Baby unfortunately seems to think it's time for breakfast, she is doing the hunger stampede so I'll maybe transfer to flaking out in a chair instead. And eating some cereal, as the churning baby is making me feel a little queasy.

I do have a hygienist appointment booked for this afternoon and I intend to go as this is an appointment rescheduled from December. Being pregnant means my gums REALLY need attention and if I cancel, I'll be lucky if I see her before baby arrives. I am hoping a morning of rest will restore me and there is only a teeny amount of walking required, unlike going to work.

All right baby girl!! I shall feed us!! No worries as to her wellness today anyway...

That was banal. Sorry. I'm too tired to be interesting.

Grumpy superiority

Hmph. I'm in a grumpy mood so I'm going to ponder about the strangeness of others.

Today's lack of understanding applies to what people mean by natural birth. To me, a natural birth is one that is non-surgical. In other words, the baby comes out of the birth canal and is delivered naturally.

To everyone else, a natural birth means one whereby no medical intervention is present at all. No drugs, no forceps/ventouse. I'm guessing no induction or hormone drips to aid labour either. Not sure. I think gas and air are permitted for "natural" but I don't think anything else is. A membrane sweep might also be considered natural, but it does count as a smidgums of intervention so perhaps not.

With regards to the all-natural birth, the definition is largely irrelevant, but the attitude does seem to colour a lot of women's attitude. To fail to achieve the natural birth, whether it's been due to needing an epidural, or whether it's having a caesarean, is seen by some as failing somehow. Some caesarean mothers want to "experience" the natural birth in future pregnancies.

Je ne comprends pas.

As far as I am concerned there are two desirable outcomes: healthy child and healthy mother. The experience is a means to an end and isn't something in itself. It's not a very pleasant experience however it happens, with the exception of the moment you meet your child. Risk minimisation should be the prime consideration, whether drugs are used is entirely moot.

My decision to go for a second caesarean is based on one thing: I consider the risks of an emergency section to be too high and an elective section is the only sure way to ensure an emergency section is avoided. As an older mum with no prior labour and caesarean scarring, the risks are unreasonably high in case of a very likely emergency section.

Obviously I want to avoid surgery, I don't care about pain because when it's over, it's over. All I do care about is the safety of my child, and myself, and an elective section is the best way to ensure both.

The experience thing is idiotic. That is the same school of thought as people who cannot separate "wedding" from "marriage". As I said, it's a means to an end, not an experience in itself.

That's not to say all mothers to be shouldn't arm themselves with all the tools that they think will help them give birth. As long as they accept that relaxation techniques do not supersede (I'd spell that with a c, autocorrect won't allow??) medical necessity, and that their experience and happy memories are secondary to safety.

Pain and Luncheoning

Lunch out for a second time in as many days!! What luxury!

A nasty moment this morning when it was suggested that bananas should be avoided in pregnancy.

What???!!!!$**^|!?

But it is ok. They are good. They are recommended, they are indeed a pregnancy superfood. Phew! I bought a bunch to celebrate, being as I was down to the last banana in the house.

I am told I am more pleasant in this pregnancy than my previous one. I don't entirely agree, I don't seem to be being very pleasant, but I was in a good mood today, at least in part because of having lunch with my friends two days in a row. Also lunchtime equals awakeness and I quite probably subjected my poor friends to evening grumpiness before. Who knows? I am feeling mellow and contented right now, which is nice.

I should be happy today anyway, it is the happiest day of the year, according to some boffinery. Although there's some logic about summer weather and holiday plans, neither of which apply here.

I do have impending maternity leave in THREE WEEKS. Well, five weeks, but I finish work 3 weeks today. Wooo!

Due to bad planning, I got a lift to the school in a two seater car, so we had to walk back. I cannot now do that one mile walk at all, it was almost unbearably sore. I'm almost at the point of not being able to walk anywhere. Yikes. At least I am vindicated in my decision to drive the one mile each day, something I am normally opposed to.

The boys have been given a DVD to watch and a DS to play so I can lie in a warm bath, which is about the only sure way to alleviate the pain.

Warm?? Ha. It's fairly hot or it would be pointless. My logic in this piece of advice ignoring is that I never have baths so hot that my temperature rises, nor so that my skin goes pink. Hot tubs are a no-no as they maintain the temperature whereas as regular bath cools fast enough to be safe for pregnant mommas.

And I had baths all the way through with the twins and everyone *knows* if you survive something one time it is therefore safe.

I like baths, I do. Not least because baby is very active in the bath, and has been since very early weeks. Which I am told is not possible but I know what I felt and it was at the same time I feel definite kicks. She's a wriggly un all right, so it's possible. I like seeing my belly undulate with baby jiving.

The weather did somewhat defeat me today. Glorious sunshine first thing meant I got dressed in a summer maxi dress and sandals, because the dress doesn't go with the other one pair of shoes I can wear just now. Checking of the weather report - after dressing - revealed that it was to rain all day. Now, getting dressed is no mean feat these days so changing was not an option. Instead I looked utterly insane with aforementioned attire, plus a raincoat and brolly. Itty bitty sandals not good for rain, floaty dress bit odd with coat.

Well, if you're not allowed to look a bit mad when you're pregnant...

All hail bananas!

No more mad leg!! Bananas save the day!

Well, one banana, but I fully intend to keep up the banana intake, I hadn't had so many after the nausea faded.

Pelvis is poor to failing, walking is extraordinarily sore. Today I had lunch with a friend and apparently sitting still for that amount of time is detrimental to pained pelvises. Ouchie central when we left the restaurant and the pain has only been alleviated by sitting very still on my cushioned seat with a cushioned footstool. And a co-codamol which I understand is ok to take sparingly until trimester 3. So here's hoping the pain has gone by next week! Err...

Movement from within the uterus is good today. My comfy cushioned chair can rock a bit and if I rock, I get super enthusiastic kicks. Whether they are kicks of enjoyment or "hey mama, quit with the turbulence" I'm not sure. It's kinda cool though.

So tired. Sleep is proving elusive and there's a new element of waking up far too early.

If I can blame baby for the wakefulness, she's on schedule to be wide awake at 10pm, 2am and 6am, which does at least miss out 3am or 4am - the hours at which it is most difficult to be awake.

4pm isn't proving so easy today, I'm going to have to sign off now...

Leg of dissent

My leg has gone mad. One of the muscles just above my left knee has been twitching madly all day. I'm not unduly alarmed (slightly too aware of my own mortality at present to be completely calm about anything) as it isn't sore/swollen/veiny but it is rather disturbing. Googlage reveals that muscle twitching is relatively common in pregnancy. Many (loony) hits suggest it's an electrolyte deficiency and so recommend a variety of untested dubious tinctures that haven't been accepted by the medical profession. Sorry, I think the accepted term there is "alternative medicine". Herbal maybe, or homeopathic if you don't really care for correct nomenclature. Or as I said, untested. (I'm not a fan).

What I am prepare to do is eat a banana in an attempt to boost potassium.

*pause for banana getting*

I do like bananas, and they are proving to be a pregnancy wonderfood. I previously found them to be wondrous in their anti nausea ability. Now they provide an simple non-healthfood-shop source of potassium. And they're yummy.

Leg is still twitching. It would seem it takes more than a minute to reach my muscles. Pah!

I have now finished the breastfeeding book by Clare Byam-Cook. I liked it, I am convinced that I want to go for a little bit of breastfeeding, I am also convinced I am not exclusively breastfeeding until 12 months. Nuh uh. I did subscribe to Practical Parenting, my pregnancy magazine du choix, and elected to get a free breast pump. So the intention is there.

The book was good, but I have to agree with the reviews that say its old fashioned. While I agree with some of her views, they aren't quite the party line with regard to weaning and formula preparation, amongst other things. On some things I applaud her sense however, but it is not the most up to date tome. For tips on breastfeeding it is a goldmine, so I recommend it for that alone.

Kaz Cooke's Rough Guide to Babies and Toddlers is both no nonsense and full of up to date advice.

Today I was delighted to receive Christine Hill's "A perfect start". So far, so excellent. "The not-so-perfect parents survival guide" it claims. That's me!

My leg is starting to be sore. I may phone someone in the morning just to check it's normal with regard to blood pressure and being very very old.

Pelvis not good today, walking was particularly difficult and pain was definitely increased. This may have contributed to the mad leg. Don't know.

Footwork

Well, as was always likely, after a concerning lack of movement, baby has been a go-go pretty much all day. No worries there!

Pain excessive today, I think it may be connected to footwear. Not that I was wearing silly shoes, they were summer low wedges and normally very comfortable, but I wore a similar heel (different shoes) a couple of weeks ago and found I was worse that day also. So I appear to be set to spend the rest of my pregnancy in my everyday shoes, which are essentially leather crocs. Great with trousers, not so great with skirts. So it's them or my faithful sandals which are two strips of leather on a comfy flat base: only used for proper hot days. Flat seems to be the clue, so I might go mad and spend £10 or so on a pair of little flat canvas shoes.

This sorta thing:










That particular pair are £12. I might go the extra £2.

This made me laugh a lot today:

crazy baby shower cakes

Fear and loathing in the bath

Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!

I'm very cross today. With everything. Nothing has happened to annoy me, more that I am annoyed at things. Most of them.

People mostly.

Baby moved a lot less than usual today which naturally caused a mild panic. And a mild psychotic moment when I expressed concern and was told if I was actually concerned I wouldn't say "I'm concerned".

Heartbeat is normal. Movement in response to prods and music is normal. There's just less tummy jiggling than normal. So I worry. A little. Not enough to do anything. Just a little.

And then I get cross again.

I've had a day of nasty heartburn and an unnecessary number of occasions where I have had to bend down to the floor. I can't do this, or I shouldn't. If I drop something on the floor, which happens often due to being sleep deprived and dozy, I instinctively stoop to pick it up. And it hurts a lot. If I want to get something off the floor I have to do elaborate moves to get there, because if I just duck down the way I have done forever, it hurts. So if I want my shoes from the floor beside the bed, I have to lie on the bed and lean off. But if I drop something, I'm down there and cursing before I remember. Squatting is absolutely not going to happen, I'd be stuck in a permasquat for the rest of time.

I'm not sure how the clutter is going to clear itself off the floor, although I did manage to declutter the boys' room by sitting down on the floor and shuffling around.

So the list of things I can't really do are:

Stay awake, unless it's bedtime
Walk more than 100 yards
Bend over
Lie on my back, front or right side
Lift anything

I've got 15 weeks to go. Aieeeee.

Shudduppayourface

Words people should never use to a pregnant lady:

Plump
Swell (which requires a silly emphasis)
Large
Big
You're going to have your hands full!
Goodness!!

People should also avoid criticism, advice, anecdotes, pity, expectation and pretty much any form of interaction.

The weather is generally safe. Stick with the weather.

Taste the difference

There is lots and lots written about babies' tastes and the profound changes a mother can inflict. Much learned from observing rats, incidentally.

If you were to believe all that is written, the following are true:

1) babies "learn" flavours from the amniotic fluid, therefore they will have a fondness towards that which the mother enjoys during pregnancy.

2) flavours must be introduced during the weaning process.

I beg to differ.

My twins, obviously, shared the same amniotic fluid. I ate a very limited diet during my pregnancy with them as I couldn't eat much. I drank gallons of milk and ate a lot of cheese. I ate pasta with tomato sauces, and a lot of fruit. I didn't like sweet things at all.

At weaning, I introduced new foods to both of them at the same time. If both babies didn't eat a food, I would amend it for both of them. For example, Rob wasn't keen on broccoli or other veg, so I combined them with pear, which he did like, and both babies got the mixture. They ate the same thing at each and every meal until they were able to pick out items they didn't like. For them, this was quite old.

Based on this they should have the exact same tastes.

Nuh uh.

R loves cheese and fruit. He doesn't like vegetables of virtually any description. He adores ham and has an extraordinarily sweet tooth. He doesn't like pasta much and he loathes tomatoes in any form other than ketchup.

O likes nothing more than salad. He will eat tomatoes and cucumber in favour of most things. He loves vegetables, he is particularly fond of mange tout. He would eat pasta with tomato sauce every night for tea. He isn't hugely keen on cheese and can take or leave milk. He can't stand ham and likes sweet things fine enough, but not as much as kids usually do.

Not the same at all. What they do share is more or less the tastes of their parents. R likes what daddy does, and O likes what mummy does. This is not because they have copied, they still don't eat with us for logistical reasons, and daddy has not been involved in weaning or very much feeding - I am in charge of food.

I can therefore conclude on the evidence of my limited study that the evidence from rats and conjecture is bull and that tastes are largely genetic.

Which does give a lot of credence to baby led weaning. The main argument against the premise of giving the baby a selection of foods is that they will not try all the foods but will go for the ones they know they like. If this can't be changed, then how brilliant to let them choose and decide from an early age.

I shall have to read up on it, the whole concept of baby-led weaning goes against the weaning principles of 5/6 years ago. I fear a wee mashed banana may figure before 6 months however which is the recommended (puree free) time for baby led weaning. I liked my purees!

We'll see, I've got more reading to do first.

And ow again

I was doing ok. This week the boys and I were only at school/work for three days and for those three days daddy took the boys up to school. I have walked only to work and back and all other journeying has been by car (I excuse myself, it hurts a lot). And my pelvis has been ok.

Today I didn't leave the house, but I did do rather a lot of bending and tidying and general getting up and down to do things and I am very, very sore. Which is a right pest.

I foolishly said "yes" when the class teacher asked me if I could help walk the kids up to the museum on Tuesday. Which is approximately three times as far as I am able. Walking is not my strong point, yet the words coming out of my mouth were "sure, count me in!" not "sorry, I can't help". So I'm going to have to send a note in to apologetically renege, and hide for the rest of the school year. It's only three weeks. And, of course, the subsequent 12 years that I will have children in that school. Hmm. I can't put myself in a position of pain just to be nice though.

Boy am I sore tonight. A bath is my only respite. I'm still ecstatic to manage baths however. Miracle baby.

On a happier note: today baby is viable, being as we are at 24 weeks. One of my many pregnancy updates said it was now trimester 3 but it's not. 3 lots of 12 weeks only adds up to 36 weeks. I'd guess it's 24 weeks after conception, so 26 weeks, or week 27 if you like, before we're actually into trimester número tre. Middle trimester still we are.

Not very viable, I think she would have a 10% chance of survival if she were to be born now, and some time to be spend in hospital. But she would have a chance of survival which is good to know.

I don't want her to come early. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to not be pregnant any more (and have her here to cuddle), but I don't want her to have to face problems from the start and have a long struggle with her in hospital. That must be diabolical. I want her to arrive on September 26 when they take her out at 39 weeks and 2 days.

Besides, I've got maternity leave to enjoy sans baby first, before I have the glorious long leave with baby.

Times they are a-changing

Hmm. A more tactful colleague today said in a nice manner that I was blooming. Because of the tact, I responded in the manner of a calm rational person and discussed that yes, I am unmistakably pregnant but really, if you think how ginormous ladies get in the last month, I'm relatively teeny. I don't stick out much. And do you know what she said??? You're quite neat really.

I love her. Even if she did just say it to humour me.

Hmm 2
As I continue to read Clare Byam-Cook I am less enamoured. Not so much by her - although she does wax lyrical about the great usefulness of your own mother (she hasn't met mine; lovely though she may be, useful she is not) and how to choose a maternity nurse (as if!) - but more with the sheer effort involved in breastfeeding. I am told it is easier. I am not sure what it is easier than however, because it sounds rather hard to me.

I'm still going to try. If I manage any time, I'll be pleased.

Baby has kicked rather a lot today. Which is still life affirming (literally!) but can be rather painful at times. I was idly twiddling my (unrecognisable) navel before and my finger got booted. At one point I lay my hand on my abdomen and FELT her racing heartbeat. She must have been lying right at the surface. It was weird, but cool.

Active girl. I should eat less cake/consume less fizzy caffeine.

Feeding

I've been a-reading about breastfeeding, in a much recommended book going by the name of "what to do when you're breastfeeding and what to do if you can't". The author (Clare Byam-Cook) is very good apparently and so I thought I'd see what she had to say.

By coincidence, the very same day I downloaded this book onto my precious kindle, Julia Boggio blogged that she'd visited Clare Byam-Cook for advice and was singing her praises. Spooky complete randomness, but hey, it could be a small sign of something. A sign-ette that I should be considering the whole breastfeeding thing.

Because of the whole breast-is-best and the lack of support for bottle feeding, I'm slightly evangelical about people who feel they mustn't ever give up on exclusive breastfeeding and are appalled by the idea of topping up. I'm quick to say "it's ok!!!" but that doesn't mean I don't think everyone should give the old breastfeeding a shot.

The book does make both palatable and interesting reading. I do intend to try it again, but even reading the book I am thinking "an hour to do a feed? an HOUR?" and worrying about comfort sucking and similar. Having not succeeded with breastfeeding at all last time, it's a whole new ball game.

I am motivated by how sick O was, I think he may have escaped a lot of that if he hadnt had formula from birth. I don't know that though. I was interested to read that a small baby that falls asleep quickly may not have the energy for a full breastfeed. O was like this and we had to get him faster teats so he could manage to drink a whole feed. While he may not have been so sick, he may not have got enough food and would have been even tireder. Who knows? He's very healthy now.

My reservations are thus:

If I have a caesarean birth, my milk may not be there at all again. The twins didn't even get colostrum and were getting sickly which is why I introduced formula in the first place. I do believe it is perfectly possible to give formula top ups until the milk comes in, but I'm not sure how that works if there's nothing at all coming out of the breast and baby does not want to latch on at all. This is what happened before, and I never went back, it was not suggested even when my milk came in and I queried it.

I am perturbed by the number of breastfeeding mums who do night feeds when their child is a considerable age. Over a year old and still having night feeds!! The twins had dropped all night feeds to the extent that waking again as we approached 4 months was noteworthy and indicative of a need to wean. I feel that I would definitely be topping up at bedtime if night feeds persisted.

Bottles are kind of easy to monitor, I worry that I'd spend a lot of time ineffectively breastfeeding. The book indicates that you quickly get the hang of whether the baby has had a full feed or is comfort sucking, and that if the baby is sated that they will sleep for 4 hours. Two hourly feeds are supposedly indicative of a poor latch or not enough milk being taken.

Babies who don't have bottles may have problems taking a bottle for water and later on for juice. They may also not like a dummy and - I may be making this up - might look to the breast for comfort instead.  Hmm. On that last point, I am reminded that I didn't offer the twins a bottle if it wasn't obvious that food was what was required, so I guess I wouldn't put them to the breast unless I genuinely thought them hungry.

Oh I don't know. I want to try, even if it's only for the first few days.

A small part of my brain is hoping baby comes the week before my caesarean is due and arrives naturally. Is that mad? Does that mean I'm really after a VBAC? The risks convince me no, so why the secret wish?

I'm even contemplating baby led weaning. Whether that holds out when baby is starving, I know not.

I'm going all soft. Kaz Cooke's Rough Guide to Babies and Toddlers arrived and while she's not at all of the you-must-obey-the-rules-of-naturalness she does make suggestions that make me think, well, it might be OK...

Enough!

It's a big bump, I get it. There are reasons for this:

1) it's got a baby, placenta and what not in it
2) you can assume that twins might cause a bit of excessive stretching
3) I wasn't skinny when I conceived.
4) I haven't really expanded all over

I can accept that it may look surprisingly big. But is it necessary to comment habitually? One of my colleagues has commented at least once at day since she found out I was pregnant.  Admittedly that was less than a month ago as she's been off, but still. Every day??? Yesterday she was suggesting I'd have the baby earlier than I expected because I'm so big. Because babies are born as soon as they reach a certain size? Because  the sonographers and I are inept at calculating dates?

I can accept that people might comment.
Once. If they haven't seen me for a while.
Preferably to someone else so I can't hear.

I may well have in the past, indeed I know I have, commented to a third party that someone seems bigger than I expected. I think pregnant ladies always do, you go through a not-that-pregnant, not-that-pregnant, not-that-pregnant, HUGE without ever passing "a wee bit pregnant". Maybe with the first one, certainly not with subsequent babies.

Never, ever have I said it to the someone in question. I wouldn't. I might say that their bump is lovely and neat, or that they're looking lovely, or how can you look that neat if you're about to have a baby?? but never, ever comment on the largeness of a woman's girth.

They wouldn't say "you're looking a bit fat" if I wasn't pregnant and I had a big tummy, which is partly what they are actually saying now. Baby is normal sized, fluid volume is normal, therefore it is me that is big. Not the baby within.

And seriously, the number of people that think it's ok to repeatedly ask if I'm sure it's not twins? That is rude. One socially impaired person actually went so far as to say you are sure, you've definitely seen it on a scan, there wasn't one hiding? That same soul remarks "you ARE big" every single time she sees me take my jacket off. Yes, that'll be the baby. Another charmer who generally keeps her remarks to a weekly basis was chortling yesterday about how enormous I'm going to be. Ho ho!

I get it. I can hardly wait for the next school term to start after the summer holidays. I shall be 34 weeks pregnant, presumably the size of a medium country and very waddlesome.

Although if I express my concerns about the school run in  the late stages of pregnancy, I get repeat idiocy that I was subjected to with the twins that I'll "hopefully" go really early. 6 weeks early in this case. Yes, that's what I dream of, a premature baby so I can be less uncomfortable.

Why why why, at a time when you're hormonal and grumpy, do people feel the need to dismiss all social niceties??

Other people's words

Weeks: 23+3.
Time remaining: 15+6

Ooh! That looks better written down. I'm so on the home run.

I'm a bit appalled by my own spelling/grammar/writing at the moment so I'm reading more by people who can write.

More pregnancy books: I love Christine Hill. I got a sampler kind of thing free with a baby mag earlier in the year which has the "best of" her pregnancy and parenting books. Her style is fab, just my cup of tea, not preachy and you-must-be-a-natural-mother-or-you-will-be-cursed at all. I have the sample of her pregnancy book on my Kindle to try and ascertain how samply the sampler is and I think the netmums book may be returned post haste to the library and swapped for Christine Hill's previous edition. Well, I'm past the scary bit and past halfway, I can't really justify buying a pregnancy book.

I pretty much know what happens from here on in: regular urine and blood pressure tests, chat with consultants at 34 weeks and then at 39 weeks I'll have a little girl taken out from my tummy.

Meantime I'll get vaster, steckier and less able to move and will spend from mid august on in a state of readiness expecting to go into labour at any moment.

But I'd still like to see what Ms Hill says about it...

As I haven't had the baby yet, I feel completely justified in new baby user guides. I already have Gina Ford, Dr Spock, the Baby Whisperer, the hideously-not-me Dr Sears, my favourite Kaz Cooke, the Baby Whisperer and the charmingly old fashioned Miriam Stoppard. All 6+ years old. On order is a used copy of Christine Hill's A Perfect Start, alongside the updated Kaz Cooke.

I have been following the blog of the awe inspiringly lovely Julia Boggio, which she has written during her pregnancy and birth of her first child. Unlike yours truly, she retained the ability to form proper sentences while cooking her baby. Today's blog is fabulous, not least because it reassures that disposable nappies aren't at all bad. Rather than stealing her words, I shall point to her blog at
icarriedawatermelon.co.uk

I'm a reader not a writer

9 months of reading fodder

I am reading my favourite pregnancy book again, having unearthed it in a decluttering session (nesting?). It is The Rough Guide to Pregnancy by Kaz Cooke and I think it is marvellous. It doesn't presume loads of cash, nor does it promote natural birth et al as the be all and end all of parenthood. My copy is a bit out of date with regards to maternity rights and what not as it is the 2001 edition, purchased a good two years before I ever attempted to become pregnant. Broody, moi? There is another updated edition from 2010 which I would wholeheartedly recommend.

This is informative and down to earth, as well as being an amusingly good read. It has a semi-fictional (names/backstories are fictional) diary throughout which reads like that of a normal girl, unlike the nauseating "Emma's diary" which mostly beggars disbelief that someone so wholesome managed to become impregnated in the first place.

For checking symptoms and alleviating concerns, there is no better than the oft mentioned What to Expect When You're Expecting. Any worry or curious symptom, it's in here, along with reassuring statistics as to the unlikelihood of any complication arising. There is an iPhone app that accompanies the book which is probably the best of the free apps for pregnancy, but it's a bit lacking in comparison to the book.

For straight facts, the Pregnancy Bible is invaluable, full of photos of stages and things that are of much fascination to a first time mother and much less so apparently to a second timer (a fact corroborated by other mums).

I have many other books but those are the "key" texts. Most of the others are woefully old fashioned (hello Miriam Stoppard), terrifying in their negativity or guilt inducing with their strong opinions on what is "best".

I have Netmums' "Your Pregnancy" out from the library and while useful, it expresses such statements as "If you decide, as some mums do, that's there's no way you want to breastfeed, or if you're in the tiny minority of mums for whom it's an impossibility (because of prior breast surgery, for example), then bottle-feeding will give your baby all the nutrients and calories he needs to thrive as long as you follow the the formula manufacturer's instruction to the letter and are scrupulous about hygiene".

Because clearly, if you are neglectful enough to "choose" not to breastfeed, you're obviously a bit slovenly about the whole thing. Breastfeeding mothers who express aren't reminded about hygiene. Nuff said.

Also "much as you probably hope and imagine you won't be one of the mums that ends up having a Caeserean delivery..."

You get the picture. I don't feel the need to be judged by a book.

I have the Mumsnet (I don't know the difference, no) guide on Kindle - oh how much easier to read without a bulky book to accommodate in my discomfort - and I found it more palatable but not really groundbreaking. If you have a kindle though, gets yourself this one. Other ones I've read on kindle have been rather HIDEOUS and wayyyyy too American. No offence to Americans in any way, but the whole pregnancy experience appears to be a different thing altogether, from the constant cervical prodding and 8 week dating scan to the very nature of US medical goings on. Issues such as "do you pay $800 dollars for an epidural?" are kind of alien.

I've definitely touched on books before. My memory isn't what it was and I've read a lot more since I mentioned it earlier on. Or maybe I just thought it before. I dunno, I don't REMEMBER things. I'm PREGNANT!!

Much later I'll think about baby user guides. I need new ones this time, obviously. I have Kaz Cooke's Kidwrangling, which is ace, but missing, and she's subsequently written (2009) the Rough Guide to Babies and Toddlers - an updated version of Kidwrangling I believe - so that's on the way. Come on, I resisted the updated version of the pregnancy one, I'm doing well! I'm a big fan of Rough Guides, I used to consult them in the (preparenthood) days when we had passports and travelled abroad.

Local holiday today, no school run, no work. Sooooo much better.

Guilt

First guilt trip, I had a complete paddy today. Full on she's lost her mind tantrum. Oops. It was in reaction to an overreaction of something so utterly trivial combined with complete lack of sympathy to my pain. I shrieked, I cried, I slammed. I made my children cry at my noise. I am ashamed.

Second guilt trip. I am a bad advocate for mothering. I have twice commented on a blog this last week to a new mother. First to profess the joys of caesarean birth - not scary, not bed riding for a fortnight - and today to encourage the use of formula.

Really, I should be shot. My opinion, yay, but probably best not shared as it doesn't toe the natural party line.

To be fair on myself, my stance on both issues are not "they are better" but more "do not beat yourself up if they happen".

Purchases arrived today: 2 pairs of maternity pyjamas and a maternity vest top. Maternity wear makes the bump look much more advanced than oversized wear which drapes. Maternity wear clings. Comfy though and there's no exposed udders.

Pain level lessened by not leaving the house and so not walking more than the length of the hall. On most days this is not a practicable solution but on a day off it's a relief. If immensely frustrating. One of the most painful things I have done today, which I have needed to do approximately once an hour, is go to the toilet. It's not the going that hurts - thankfully - it's the sitting down on, and getting up from, the toilet that's tricky. Hence the bad mood.

It has cooled down again which means two things: I can shut the window and the tools haven't been drinking in the sun all day. So a peaceful night may ensue.

And as if by magic, a car alarm starts...

Difficulties

Oh dear. Activities would seem to be limited. Walking is now very painful. I can still walk, but it hurts. Bending is impossible, it doesn't happen. I can't bend down or lean forward when sitting. This is not good. Standing still hurts now.

What doesn't hurt: lying in the bath, assuming I have a neck pillow so I don't put weight on my back or lying in a similar propped up position in bed. Left side with pillow allows for sleep but isn't comfortable, and sitting with my feet up and lots of cushions helps a bit, but then my legs start to hurt.

I feel very feeble. As doing the minimum required seems to be beyond me, I somehow need to do less than is required.

I'm only 23 weeks. I've got another 16 weeks and 3 days to cook. As I most definitely want to fully cook my baby, I don't want to send out mistaken wishes, but boy do I wish we could fast forward to 26 September!!

Sigh. It takes a long time to make a human being.

Week 23 update

I've kind of gone off on a factual sharing thing of late. I'm not sure why, I guess I'm harbouring a desire to write a pregnancy book.  Harbouring? Yeah, right. It has a name and a contents page.

Anyway.

Tomorrow I shall be 23 weeks pregnant and onto week 24. According to my adjusted dates the following timeline applies:

Weeks till due date
Weeks till intended delivery: 15
Weeks since discovery of pregnancy: 18
Weeks since first scan: 11
Weeks since anomaly scan: 2
Weeks till third trimester: 4
Weeks till I finish: 5 (!!!!!!!!!!!)
Weeks till maternity leave starts as opposed to regular leave: 7
Weeks till return to work: 56

We also have to add in a couple of less inspiring target dates - there are 4 weeks until the summer holidays, and worse, there are 10 weeks until they go back to school and need waddled up and down each day. There are also 10 weeks left until I hand in the so far unwritten dissertation. Oh yikes.




And onto symptoms. There aren't that many at the moment.


Fatigue. 
This is not the all consuming must-sleep-now fatigue of the first trimester, it is more a feeling of being worn out. Yesterday I walked the children to school and then onto work, walked home from work and lay down for two hours. I then ate some lunch and walked back to the school, home again and then did some homely things, dishwasher, washing machine, dinner for everyone. And then I was done in. Absolutely.


Digestive icks
Nausea has mostly gone. Sense of smell is still hyper and there's a queasiness on encountering a smelly person - smoker, overperfumed person or unwashed person, consumer of too spicy food - or icky smells. Not nausea though, that has been replaced by indigestion. Stomach capacity is much reduced and I get full easily. Hunger is still immense and I'm still off a lot of foods and into hugely fattening sweet things. Bloatedness has gone and the whole system is sluggish rather than stopped.


Physical signs 
The huge belly that wriggles and changes shape on occasion
The breasts that don't look like breasts any more but that thankfully are less sensitive.
Other than this, the rest of me hasn't expanded. I'm much the same shape as before, ankles and what not remain their usual size, bum hasn't taken over any countries.

of course, not forgetting...

Pain

For me, the PGP is the worst. At best it is niggly, at worst it is seriously agony. Walking is difficult bending over is impossible. I have pain in my lower back and where my pelvis meets at the front. The front pain was almost too much walking to work this morning, it seems to be getting worse.  Not being able to take painkillers is hard.

Headaches are common

Abdomen generally aches

Emotional signs
Supergrumpiness. 
Total intolerance
Short temper
Tendency to burst into tears

Fears
Premature delivery
Stillbirth
Own death during childbirth
Childbirth complications

And that, I think pretty much sums up me at nearly 24 weeks.

Plod plod

Today - as in the day that has just ended - I reached the peak of intolerance. Oh boy, was I grumpy.

I'm not sure why. Aside from the pain, I am enjoying being pregnant. Did I say that already? Did I really say it at all? It isn't a myth!! It's very special, I feel very privileged.

Baby finds daddy snoring exciting, she leaps about in time with his snores. This doesn't bode too well for her sleeping in a room with daddy. Daddy incidentally isn't all that keen on the sharing a room idea, but with 2 bedrooms, she's sharing with us or the boys. I don't trust five year olds not to be "helpful" and do something harmful, so our room it is. The plan is to move out after Christmas and sell our flat empty. If we can sell before my maternity pay runs out, we're ok regardless of my job situation.

I cannot be bothered with work. Or my dissertation. But mostly work. I especially cannot be bothered with the more vacuous members of staff and their banal conversation. Supergrump this morning was greeted with "morning! How are you today??" to which I responded, without stopping, "rubbish. You?"

This does not mean, do please follow me into my office and rabbit on about how you are. It is a term of politeness to make up for the fact that I wasn't engaging.

I tend to find stupidity annoying but pregnant me is a total intellectual snob. It's not intentional, but bad grammar or lack of knowledge is making me mildly homicidal. I still have enough sense to bite my tongue fortunately.

Gads. Tired!! Sleep now and maybe tomorrow will bring tolerance...

Alcohol and pregnancy

It is my belief that mothers to be should abstain from alcohol during pregnancy. I have, but I am not a big drinker. I survived nearly two years on pain medication that couldn't mix with alcohol and the lack of alcohol was the least of my concerns. I find the horror some women express at nine months free of alcohol to be disappointing to say the least. When I was pregnant before, the advice was that moderation was the key. In the intervening years, the government advice is that pregnant ladies should avoid alcohol altogether.

Goodo.

Now all we need is a shift in public perception so that people can happily say they don't want a drink without having to say they are pregnant. One day...

Some facts:

One drink taken by mother - alcohol enters bloodstream - crosses placenta to baby - interferes with ability to get enough oxygen for normal cell development.

Research has shown that a foetus has very low tolerance for alcohol.

Heavy drinking during pregnancy can cause:

• birth defects, including damage to the developing organs and nervous system of the foetus
• miscarriage
• premature delivery
• stillbirth

Most people are aware of this. However, many people do not realise that moderate or even light drinking can also harm the foetus. No levels of alcohol have been proven  to be safe, which is why it is recommended to abstain.  

It is recommended that you avoid alcohol if you are trying for a baby, but if you didn't expect to be pregnant and had alcohol during the time before you found out, don't panic. Mention it to your GP or midwife and stop drinking when you do find out.

For more information click to find out about foetal alcohol syndrome.

Baby essentials/non-essentials

You need stuff for a baby. Baby stuff is lush, you need to spend lots of time sighing over cute baby catalogues and proudly marching your bump into baby boutiques to have a peruse.

If you are rich and have copious amounts of space, you can buy it all. I am not and I do not, so I have to limit to what I actually need/can afford/have space for.

No need to point out that we have to move house to make space for baby and that this isn't aided by me not working properly for a bit. All will come good.

So. First of all, as you won't be allowed to leave the hospital without it, a car seat is essential - unless you don't have a car of course. There's two types, an infant carrier that comes out of the car and allows you to, well, carry your infant. The other alternative is to get a car seat that stays in the car and usually turns round from rear facing to front facing to be the next stage of car seat. Babies need to be rear facing until they are 9 months or so, the recommendation is to leave them rear facing as long as possible, until they grow too tall for the first stage seat. The Swedish car manufacturers recommend that children should be rear facing for the entire time they have car seats (as opposed to booster seats) which would point towards the in-car seat as the most economical option. Most people opt for the infant carrier for the purpose of carrying the baby about until they are a few months old (less than six months unless you are particularly strong/determined) and can have the added option of being compatible with a travel system for ease of transition to buggy (lift out of car, clip seat on buggy). Seats can be fitted to the car by seatbelt (perfectly safe) or Isofix (safer still).

There are also carrycots available that are designed for the car and which attach with the seatbelt. This only works if you can allow two car seats as the carrycot goes sideways, so has never been a consideration for me. Supposedly better as baby gets to be completely flat.

Next you need a buggy/pram/transportation system. A travel system is great as you can clip your car seat on and you might get a carrycot in order to have a pram-like contraption for keeping baby flat.

What you do not need is an old fashioned pram that costs over £1200, weighs 3 times what a buggy does and which is unwieldy and enormous. Nor do you need the biggest all terrain buggy that money can buy. A baby is tiny and you need to move this thing about, in and out of house and cars/buses and it is really unlikely your path will involve particularly difficult terrain. Even if it does, you can get nice sturdy wheeled suspensioned buggies that don't take over the entire street. Big is not best when it comes to buggies.

Baby needs somewhere to sleep. A cot or cotbed is ideal, you may also want a moses basket for the first few months. For naps, there is a school of thought that all sleeping should be done in the dark in a proper cot, but I personally found naps easier in a bouncer or similar once they were past the stage of sleeping most of the time. The ones we had vibrated and this was a marvel in getting baby to sleep.

Exercise sense when purchasing baby beds. Cribs are a waste of money, unless you are given one in which case they're quite nice, as they last such a short time. Cots don't have to cost a lot of money and big cots are nonsense, babies are tiny.

Bouncers don't last that long so don't go mad, remember baby will be out of it by 6 months and won't be interested in toys or similar. They probably like music and lights and what not, and vibrating is the napping future.

Cot bumpers etc are dangerous, I don't know why people have them. They look nice, yeah, but as soon as baby can grab things, they're a risk. Baby should have sheets and blankets tightly tucked into the bottom of the cot, or better still, sleeping bags which are genius. Nothing else. The best baby sleeping bags are Grobags, or Mamas and Papas.

A changing unit is nice, it gives a nice place to keep all the nappies and nappy kit, and you can lay the baby on the top with a changing mat. These too range from the basic to the ridiculous, I guess you go according to budget/space/taste. A changing unit isn't necessary however, you can equally use a changing mat on the bed/sofa.

While on changing mats, a fold up mat/bag that holds a couple of nappies and becomes a flat mat is a godsend when out and about. They cost about £10 and fold up really dinky.

Boots give away a free changing bag when you join the parenting club. It's perfectly good if you don't feel the need to be unique and you don't mind umpteen confusions of identical bags at whatever baby event you go to (baby clinic, baby massage, mother and toddlers etc).

You need a baby bath or newborn bath support, I understand the tummy tub is amazing. The twins had moulded supports which were ace, also useful for feeding, which went in the regular bath. The main attraction of that was bathing two at once. This baby will be getting a tummy tub. Hurrah!

What else do babies need?

Clothes? No. Clothes arrive from all directions. Always welcome, people are very kind, but plentiful. I have already been promised two complete newborn wardrobes.

Toys? No. Babies do not play or show any interest in playing until they are about one year old. Flashy light musical things calm and amuse but playing? Nope.

A highchair is essential from six months. A bumbo or similar is brilliant from as soon as baby can support their head. Bouncer things and baby walkers are hideous, dangerous and oh my god, no. when baby becomes mobile then stairgates, playpens and toddler rockers with harnesses are a godsend.

I'll not go there with bottles because we'll pretend I won't need them.

(6 bottles at least, steriliser - got - bottle brush, formula).

So far I need to buy a buggy. Everything else is being donated, lent or returned as appropriate by other mums. People are so kind.

Baby as a fruit

No, no Anne Geddes cuteness.

I find it curious how fruits are used to describe the size of a growing foetus. Fair enough when it's an embryo, it's sort of round, but as it gets bigger it doesn't really compare.

Still, it's mildly interesting so here's a list:

Weeks and corresponding foodstuff:
3-4 poppyseed
5 appleseed
6 pea
7 blueberry
8 raspberry
9 green olive
10 prune
11 lime
12 plum
13 peach
14 lemon
15 naval orange
16 avocado
17 onion
18 sweet potato
19 mango
20 cantaloupe melon
21 banana
22-24 papaya
25-28 aubergine
29-32 squash
33-36 honeydew melon
37-term watermelon

Now you know.

I have a non-papaya shaped papaya at the moment, although she's more like a papaya than she was like a banana.