Baby E is bunged up with a cold - again. Like mother like daughter, cold two in 4 weeks alive seems unfair. She is more stoical with this one, the last cold made her super grumpy, this one she is more cuddly and resigned.
The main problem with the cold is her inability to feed enough to sleep it off. We had just switched to Tommee Tippee bottles and Hipp Organic milk with apparent first day success, the the arrival of the snot rendered the Tommee Tippee redundant and NUK back on the menu. As to the milk, it seems ok but we have a little sick which could be the milk, her age or just mucus related.
And as if by magic, baby awakens for her next feed. Later...
Friday 30 September 2011
Monday 26 September 2011
Today was the day
I feel strange. It is now 26 September, which is one month after that diabolical day that I attended hospital for a routine appointment and remained for ten days before leaving with my tiny early baby.
More significantly, today is the day that E would have been delivered had all remained stable. This is the day I've been looking to since May.
Instead, I have a bouncing three week old still tiny baby. I cannot fathom why I feel sad/guilty/weird about having her early. This weekend past would have had me stressing, but loading things onto my iPhone, packing nice pjs, organising newborn sized clothes. Nice planning. And today I would have had the section. Which isn't pleasant really, other than the amazing moment of meeting the baby.
E is unaware of this, of course, and is happily adhering to the behaviour expected of a three week old.
She cries more loudly and frequently. Tears are down to hunger, nappy changes and a new addition for three weeks: not being allowed to sleep exclusively on mummy's chest. She mostly feeds well but I have a dilemma of no perfect bottle yet. NUK has proven most successful, the next size bottles of, which she will need as soon as she takes more than 4oz each feed, don't fit in the steriliser. We have an array of Avent things (including the steriliser) but she doesn't get on with the teats. Small ones are too hard work, larger ones are too messy. We have mostly NUK teats on Avent bottles at the moment and they are kind of leaky. Tommee Tippee may be the answer, but we're not there yet.
O was home with a cold today. I am exhausted from sheer lack of sleep. 8pm bedtime for me tonight I think!!
Oh, and my wound is infected, I now need an antibiotic, despite the nurse insisting it was clean.
I need a holiday. Or a maternity nurse. Or a cleaner. Or all of the above.
More significantly, today is the day that E would have been delivered had all remained stable. This is the day I've been looking to since May.
Instead, I have a bouncing three week old still tiny baby. I cannot fathom why I feel sad/guilty/weird about having her early. This weekend past would have had me stressing, but loading things onto my iPhone, packing nice pjs, organising newborn sized clothes. Nice planning. And today I would have had the section. Which isn't pleasant really, other than the amazing moment of meeting the baby.
E is unaware of this, of course, and is happily adhering to the behaviour expected of a three week old.
She cries more loudly and frequently. Tears are down to hunger, nappy changes and a new addition for three weeks: not being allowed to sleep exclusively on mummy's chest. She mostly feeds well but I have a dilemma of no perfect bottle yet. NUK has proven most successful, the next size bottles of, which she will need as soon as she takes more than 4oz each feed, don't fit in the steriliser. We have an array of Avent things (including the steriliser) but she doesn't get on with the teats. Small ones are too hard work, larger ones are too messy. We have mostly NUK teats on Avent bottles at the moment and they are kind of leaky. Tommee Tippee may be the answer, but we're not there yet.
O was home with a cold today. I am exhausted from sheer lack of sleep. 8pm bedtime for me tonight I think!!
Oh, and my wound is infected, I now need an antibiotic, despite the nurse insisting it was clean.
I need a holiday. Or a maternity nurse. Or a cleaner. Or all of the above.
Thursday 22 September 2011
Zzzz zzzz
E has the cold. E has slept badly and been grumpy since Sunday night, coinciding badly with hubby's return to work on Monday.
Tired much.
But I don't mind much, even though I may be a danger when out and about. Not being a great sleeper, spending nights cuddling my gorgeous wee girl isn't a hardship.
E continues to astonish with her alertness and general brilliance. I fear I may be experiencing first born syndrome with my first singleton, purely because I have time to sit and cuddle her and simply watch her be. The twins, while amazing and gorgeous also, were both overwhelming and a duo, so I could not just watch and cuddle them incessantly.
I am tired though. I cannot go to bed early. This makes me stupid, I know this. I don't change though. Bedtime is currently about midnight however which is a vast improvement on usual. Usual doesn't however normally have me awake 3 till 5.
Monday is the day I expected E to be born. I may feel more balanced after it has passed. Maybe.
And now, to sleep perchance to dream.
Tired much.
But I don't mind much, even though I may be a danger when out and about. Not being a great sleeper, spending nights cuddling my gorgeous wee girl isn't a hardship.
E continues to astonish with her alertness and general brilliance. I fear I may be experiencing first born syndrome with my first singleton, purely because I have time to sit and cuddle her and simply watch her be. The twins, while amazing and gorgeous also, were both overwhelming and a duo, so I could not just watch and cuddle them incessantly.
I am tired though. I cannot go to bed early. This makes me stupid, I know this. I don't change though. Bedtime is currently about midnight however which is a vast improvement on usual. Usual doesn't however normally have me awake 3 till 5.
Monday is the day I expected E to be born. I may feel more balanced after it has passed. Maybe.
And now, to sleep perchance to dream.
Sunday 18 September 2011
2 weeks to go...
Hmm. The health visitor visited on Thursday and while she was suitably appreciative of E's notable genius and general wellbeing, I feel a little narked. Not at the HV herself, she was very nice, but at the "preterm" thing.
E was delivered at 36 weeks (almost, a day short) at the recommendation of the obstetricians. 36 weeks is enough time for a baby to mature. 37 weeks, one week later, is considered full term.
Now, E is considered preterm. By one week according to the above. No. 4 weeks. So everything she is expected to achieve and all her checks etc are "adjusted" by 4 weeks and it will be as if she had been born on her due date. She doesn't graduate off the preterm growth charts until she is 6 weeks old at what would have been 42 weeks. Her immunisations follow her actual age thankfully, otherwise she is currently -2 weeks old, which doesn't help the whole making sense of it all in the raddled old head.
She is perfect though, and is eating for Britain (if there ever was a need to suck milk for one's country) as well as being astonishingly aware and alert. Small downside of her apparent early growth spurt (she would be gaining fat at a rate of noughts in utero right now, and fat she is certainly lacking) is the frequency with which she wishes to feed.
And poo. Ten or so dirty nappies a day, HV says it is because she is early and it should rectify by E's due date.
Due date. So much is pinned on that:
E will reach "normal" weight and will cease to struggle with feeding enough, temperature etc.
I shall feel normal about her being here.
I shall be normal shaped (if be-uddered).
BP update: is measuring NORMAL. Wooooo!! And that's not even a touch sarcastic. Now on extra high doses of drugs, concerned BP may drop TOO much now. We'll see.
Tried E out in her baby sling, she liked it a lot although I wasn't convince she was safe in it an constantly checked she was breathing. She was, it is safe. It doesn't feel it though.
Insomnia is a thing of the past. If I lie down, I go to sleep. Any time. Awakeness is decreed by awakened offspring.
Night all.
E was delivered at 36 weeks (almost, a day short) at the recommendation of the obstetricians. 36 weeks is enough time for a baby to mature. 37 weeks, one week later, is considered full term.
Now, E is considered preterm. By one week according to the above. No. 4 weeks. So everything she is expected to achieve and all her checks etc are "adjusted" by 4 weeks and it will be as if she had been born on her due date. She doesn't graduate off the preterm growth charts until she is 6 weeks old at what would have been 42 weeks. Her immunisations follow her actual age thankfully, otherwise she is currently -2 weeks old, which doesn't help the whole making sense of it all in the raddled old head.
She is perfect though, and is eating for Britain (if there ever was a need to suck milk for one's country) as well as being astonishingly aware and alert. Small downside of her apparent early growth spurt (she would be gaining fat at a rate of noughts in utero right now, and fat she is certainly lacking) is the frequency with which she wishes to feed.
And poo. Ten or so dirty nappies a day, HV says it is because she is early and it should rectify by E's due date.
Due date. So much is pinned on that:
E will reach "normal" weight and will cease to struggle with feeding enough, temperature etc.
I shall feel normal about her being here.
I shall be normal shaped (if be-uddered).
BP update: is measuring NORMAL. Wooooo!! And that's not even a touch sarcastic. Now on extra high doses of drugs, concerned BP may drop TOO much now. We'll see.
Tried E out in her baby sling, she liked it a lot although I wasn't convince she was safe in it an constantly checked she was breathing. She was, it is safe. It doesn't feel it though.
Insomnia is a thing of the past. If I lie down, I go to sleep. Any time. Awakeness is decreed by awakened offspring.
Night all.
Tuesday 13 September 2011
Day 11
They don't count the date of birth, the following day is day one, so today is day 11.
This means:
No midwife visit today, I am deemed capable and recovered and Day 10 marked the end of the daily midwife checks. On Thursday I am to be vetted, sorry, visited for a catch up, by the Health Visitor which is always a joy. And also my GP for the old blood pressure, which at present stands at high but normal.
Last night was better, we have two wake ups for feeding, last night it was midnight and 3am, which was fine, with her next cries at 7am when we need to be up anyway. E cries very little, a few cries to alert us to her needing food, and more grunts in response to dirty nappies etc. Grunts and sighs and squeaks are her first line of getting attention, crying is reserved for desperation at the slowness of a parent. This is lovely, long may it last. Newborns "should" cry a lot more.
We do still have teething ahead.
I have four more days, plus the weekend, of paternity leave and having a partner in nappies. When he goes back to work next Monday I shall be a little lost. I am having a practice of doing the morning routine on my own (failure this morning as missy urinated all over her clothes mid nappy change, requiring a clean up and a complete change, so daddy had to take over toast spreading and distribution).
I haven't done the school run yet. I may go up for them today (with their daddy, not alone). I now feel non bonkers enough to speak to people without crying so it should be ok. Most notably, I can walk there. Woo.
This means:
No midwife visit today, I am deemed capable and recovered and Day 10 marked the end of the daily midwife checks. On Thursday I am to be vetted, sorry, visited for a catch up, by the Health Visitor which is always a joy. And also my GP for the old blood pressure, which at present stands at high but normal.
Last night was better, we have two wake ups for feeding, last night it was midnight and 3am, which was fine, with her next cries at 7am when we need to be up anyway. E cries very little, a few cries to alert us to her needing food, and more grunts in response to dirty nappies etc. Grunts and sighs and squeaks are her first line of getting attention, crying is reserved for desperation at the slowness of a parent. This is lovely, long may it last. Newborns "should" cry a lot more.
We do still have teething ahead.
I have four more days, plus the weekend, of paternity leave and having a partner in nappies. When he goes back to work next Monday I shall be a little lost. I am having a practice of doing the morning routine on my own (failure this morning as missy urinated all over her clothes mid nappy change, requiring a clean up and a complete change, so daddy had to take over toast spreading and distribution).
I haven't done the school run yet. I may go up for them today (with their daddy, not alone). I now feel non bonkers enough to speak to people without crying so it should be ok. Most notably, I can walk there. Woo.
Monday 12 September 2011
Back to me
Well, E is doing well, she is regaining weight after the post birth weight loss (of all babies, not just E). She is also alert, a good colour, content and so on. And the brightest baby ever (since my last ones) obviously.
So, me.
My blood pressure is normalising. Woohoo. It is still high, but it is no longer dangerously so. No more hospital!
My body is a slightly better version of the one I had prepregnancy. Seriously. I apparently don't do the baby weight thing and the ginormous bump is vanishing at an astonishing rate.
We won't talk about the udder and the new added udder of udder. We shall pretend that it's not there and that I wear Spanx for comfort only.
I have had odd compliments on my thinness. While I was having my spinal block given prior to E being delivered, I was pleasantly aware that there was little flabby resistance to the anaesthetist's fingers when he was feeling for my hipbones in order to ascertain my symmetry. He later commented that I had a "nice back" with nothing in the way of the vertebrae. When giving injections to prevent clotting, the midwife complained that I didn't have enough fat on my legs.
I'm not skinny. By a long shot. However, I was gratified in hospital every time the "large" blood pressure cuff had to be replaced by the "medium" one. Most other patients seemed to need the large and I have noted that most ladies seem to have lardy arms in pregnancy. Even skinny ladies.
I am feeling a bit less hormonal now, I managed to do stuff around the house and generally feel more, well, normal. With a cute little baby added in.
So, me.
My blood pressure is normalising. Woohoo. It is still high, but it is no longer dangerously so. No more hospital!
My body is a slightly better version of the one I had prepregnancy. Seriously. I apparently don't do the baby weight thing and the ginormous bump is vanishing at an astonishing rate.
We won't talk about the udder and the new added udder of udder. We shall pretend that it's not there and that I wear Spanx for comfort only.
I have had odd compliments on my thinness. While I was having my spinal block given prior to E being delivered, I was pleasantly aware that there was little flabby resistance to the anaesthetist's fingers when he was feeling for my hipbones in order to ascertain my symmetry. He later commented that I had a "nice back" with nothing in the way of the vertebrae. When giving injections to prevent clotting, the midwife complained that I didn't have enough fat on my legs.
I'm not skinny. By a long shot. However, I was gratified in hospital every time the "large" blood pressure cuff had to be replaced by the "medium" one. Most other patients seemed to need the large and I have noted that most ladies seem to have lardy arms in pregnancy. Even skinny ladies.
I am feeling a bit less hormonal now, I managed to do stuff around the house and generally feel more, well, normal. With a cute little baby added in.
Saturday 10 September 2011
Motherhood the second
Well, from my ponderations of pregnancy, a few things have transpired to be true and a few to be woefully inaccurate.
I got my section, no need to worry about whether or not I wanted one, it was taken as wanted, and as E was delivered at 36 weeks and I couldn't be induced having had a previous section, it would have to have been a section in the end regardless of prior arrangements.
No breastfeeding, although E did latch on and get some colostrum on day 3. I cannot now breastfeed as my blood pressure refused to calm down with breastmilk friendly drugs, so I am now on ones that are working, but which are not suitable for breastfeeding. Which is a shame when she'd had a shot, and she looks for it from me, but she is so small and in need of food she would have required at least some top ups anyway. My milk is now in, I am engorged and in pain, with entirely unappealing cabbage leaves in my bra (they do provide relief) and looking forward to "drying up".
One baby is infinitely easier than two. Way, way easier. E is a very chilled and contented baby, which helps, but still. Just one!!
E is a tiny baby, not jumbo as feared. She was just the right size for 36 weeks at birth, but that's tiny. Her skin is too big for her and she is teeny tiny pocket sized. Healthy, but minuscule. Everyone comments on her tininess, including me and her daddy. She is very cute though, and does, fingers crossed, seem very well.
And then there is me. I'm a bit broken. I have been scared shitless (sorry) about dying, and I feel very emotional. For no good reason I feel sad that I am not pregnant any more, I should be for another 2 or 3 weeks. The fact is I am not, I don't have to endure the lumbering discomfort of the last month of pregnancy, and the birth is behind me, with baby out, and healthy. So why do I feel bereft whenever I think back to being pregnant?
Answer: hormones. All out of whack. I am also very tired and need to take things sloowwwwly.
Bananas reduce blood pressure. Damned marvellous fruit so it is. I am self medicating (plus the official drugs) by eating more bananas and consuming less caffeine and salt. Something's working finally, my bp is that of a normal person with slightly raised bp. Not mental admit-to-hospital high like before.
Pelvis is normal! Like it never had a problem. I can walk again!
Neck still not sore.
Overall weight gain in pregnancy is currently 5lb and falling daily. Woohoo. It was all baby and baby fluids, not doughnuts. Joined weightwatchers online to avoid piling on post natal weight.
And that is where I'm at, 8 days after the birth of my daughter. I have a daughter you know.
I got my section, no need to worry about whether or not I wanted one, it was taken as wanted, and as E was delivered at 36 weeks and I couldn't be induced having had a previous section, it would have to have been a section in the end regardless of prior arrangements.
No breastfeeding, although E did latch on and get some colostrum on day 3. I cannot now breastfeed as my blood pressure refused to calm down with breastmilk friendly drugs, so I am now on ones that are working, but which are not suitable for breastfeeding. Which is a shame when she'd had a shot, and she looks for it from me, but she is so small and in need of food she would have required at least some top ups anyway. My milk is now in, I am engorged and in pain, with entirely unappealing cabbage leaves in my bra (they do provide relief) and looking forward to "drying up".
One baby is infinitely easier than two. Way, way easier. E is a very chilled and contented baby, which helps, but still. Just one!!
E is a tiny baby, not jumbo as feared. She was just the right size for 36 weeks at birth, but that's tiny. Her skin is too big for her and she is teeny tiny pocket sized. Healthy, but minuscule. Everyone comments on her tininess, including me and her daddy. She is very cute though, and does, fingers crossed, seem very well.
And then there is me. I'm a bit broken. I have been scared shitless (sorry) about dying, and I feel very emotional. For no good reason I feel sad that I am not pregnant any more, I should be for another 2 or 3 weeks. The fact is I am not, I don't have to endure the lumbering discomfort of the last month of pregnancy, and the birth is behind me, with baby out, and healthy. So why do I feel bereft whenever I think back to being pregnant?
Answer: hormones. All out of whack. I am also very tired and need to take things sloowwwwly.
Bananas reduce blood pressure. Damned marvellous fruit so it is. I am self medicating (plus the official drugs) by eating more bananas and consuming less caffeine and salt. Something's working finally, my bp is that of a normal person with slightly raised bp. Not mental admit-to-hospital high like before.
Pelvis is normal! Like it never had a problem. I can walk again!
Neck still not sore.
Overall weight gain in pregnancy is currently 5lb and falling daily. Woohoo. It was all baby and baby fluids, not doughnuts. Joined weightwatchers online to avoid piling on post natal weight.
And that is where I'm at, 8 days after the birth of my daughter. I have a daughter you know.
Monday 5 September 2011
Drama on the high BP
Well, baby E's birth went well and then things went pear shaped with my blood pressure. E is amazing, she is well and healthy and her only concerns have been her temperature on the day she was born, and her smallness meaning she can't feed a lot or feed very fast.
She is a delightful baby, very chilled and extraordinarily cute. It is so far much, much easier with one, and I do feel bad for each of the twins that we didn't ever have the one on one interaction that E is getting.
We came out of hospital two days after E's birth, following a battle between me and the staff regarding my blood pressure and the fact that they can't get it down. I was nearly re-admitted this evening, but stood my ground. I still have crazy high bp, but am now taking the pills I took before pregnancy and praying that it goes down. Idiotic behaviour from the docs at the hospital and their inability to accept that a pregnant woman isn't pregnant any more once they have given birth.
I have been very scared of my own demise. Very. Much of today was spent weeping as a a result.
This week is to be spent getting better.
She is a delightful baby, very chilled and extraordinarily cute. It is so far much, much easier with one, and I do feel bad for each of the twins that we didn't ever have the one on one interaction that E is getting.
We came out of hospital two days after E's birth, following a battle between me and the staff regarding my blood pressure and the fact that they can't get it down. I was nearly re-admitted this evening, but stood my ground. I still have crazy high bp, but am now taking the pills I took before pregnancy and praying that it goes down. Idiotic behaviour from the docs at the hospital and their inability to accept that a pregnant woman isn't pregnant any more once they have given birth.
I have been very scared of my own demise. Very. Much of today was spent weeping as a a result.
This week is to be spent getting better.
Friday 2 September 2011
She is here
Baby is here, and she is perfect.
Woke up this morning feeling fine, temperature normal, blood pressure high. Spoke to various doctors and at 11.30 or so I was taken down to theatre. Various preparations were done and then at 12.37 baby E was born by caesarean section at 36 weeks weighing 5 lb 8.5.
She required just to be rubbed in a towel in order to breathe properly at birth, and she has been lying in a hot-cot to raise her temperature, which seems to have worked. She did not require to go to special care and is tucked up in my room with me.
Given how worried I was about her, I am so relieved she had but minor needs. And I seem to be better, so awas necessary and right.
She is perfect and gorgeous. I can't stop just staring at her.
Woke up this morning feeling fine, temperature normal, blood pressure high. Spoke to various doctors and at 11.30 or so I was taken down to theatre. Various preparations were done and then at 12.37 baby E was born by caesarean section at 36 weeks weighing 5 lb 8.5.
She required just to be rubbed in a towel in order to breathe properly at birth, and she has been lying in a hot-cot to raise her temperature, which seems to have worked. She did not require to go to special care and is tucked up in my room with me.
Given how worried I was about her, I am so relieved she had but minor needs. And I seem to be better, so awas necessary and right.
She is perfect and gorgeous. I can't stop just staring at her.
Thursday 1 September 2011
Birth Day in a few minutes... Probably
I appear to be broken. I feel ok, yet my blood pressure remains high (very) despite medicinal intervention for a full week now. Today I have the addition of a slightly raised temperature and an increased white cell count.
Panic station. I do feel a little paranoid when medical staff go bananas, it does suggest a modicum of seriousness.
But I am pregnant, they never take chances with pregnancy, and apparently infection can make anaesthetists reluctant to make a thonking great hole in my back for the spinal block. No anaesthetic clearly means no section.
But... Unidentified infection makes it more paramount to remove baby from her defective incubator.
So far I have responded very well to antibiotics and my temperature is normal. If it is normal upon waking, my section is now a priority. It should be a matter of hours until baby is born. And hours means about 9 hours. Yikes!
As a scan had been booked, the ultrasound department phoned down looking for me today. I had been told it had been cancelled and indeed had never been told the time it was to have been. So they phoned the ward and the conclusion was that a) my consultant clearly did want it and b) as I was there they'd do it if I wanted it.
What do you think?
She looks well. Everything is as should be and most encouragingly she is measuring large for her dates. She is very happy and she is still a she and I fervently hope that being taken from me a month early does not cause her damage.
One of my room mates had the cutest little boy I've seen early this morning, utterly gorgeous.
Another room mate is breaking my heart, she is 16 years old, 24 weeks pregnant with monochorionic twins and she has pre eclampsia. She was told today that she must remain in hospital until the babies are born and that this could be any day. Bless her, she just wants to be with her mum and she's really very ill. I am her surrogate mummy tonight but I am preoccupied and leaving ante natal tomorrow. The fact that I have twins and have been hospitalised to await the maturity (almost) of my baby means I can be Norma know it all. Which she seems to like poor poppet.
I feel ancient again. Her mum is younger than me.
One more room mate seems to be a possible real friend.
I am so self obsessed, once this is over and baby is all settled, I need to be a better friend to all.
Must try and relax. Sleep is unlikely but reading and chilling would probably be wise.
Baby in the morning. Please let her be ok. Please.
Panic station. I do feel a little paranoid when medical staff go bananas, it does suggest a modicum of seriousness.
But I am pregnant, they never take chances with pregnancy, and apparently infection can make anaesthetists reluctant to make a thonking great hole in my back for the spinal block. No anaesthetic clearly means no section.
But... Unidentified infection makes it more paramount to remove baby from her defective incubator.
So far I have responded very well to antibiotics and my temperature is normal. If it is normal upon waking, my section is now a priority. It should be a matter of hours until baby is born. And hours means about 9 hours. Yikes!
As a scan had been booked, the ultrasound department phoned down looking for me today. I had been told it had been cancelled and indeed had never been told the time it was to have been. So they phoned the ward and the conclusion was that a) my consultant clearly did want it and b) as I was there they'd do it if I wanted it.
What do you think?
She looks well. Everything is as should be and most encouragingly she is measuring large for her dates. She is very happy and she is still a she and I fervently hope that being taken from me a month early does not cause her damage.
One of my room mates had the cutest little boy I've seen early this morning, utterly gorgeous.
Another room mate is breaking my heart, she is 16 years old, 24 weeks pregnant with monochorionic twins and she has pre eclampsia. She was told today that she must remain in hospital until the babies are born and that this could be any day. Bless her, she just wants to be with her mum and she's really very ill. I am her surrogate mummy tonight but I am preoccupied and leaving ante natal tomorrow. The fact that I have twins and have been hospitalised to await the maturity (almost) of my baby means I can be Norma know it all. Which she seems to like poor poppet.
I feel ancient again. Her mum is younger than me.
One more room mate seems to be a possible real friend.
I am so self obsessed, once this is over and baby is all settled, I need to be a better friend to all.
Must try and relax. Sleep is unlikely but reading and chilling would probably be wise.
Baby in the morning. Please let her be ok. Please.
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