I've been superskint this month so payday meant the purchase of some much needed maternity comforts.
Purchase 1: a digital pregnancy test with conception indicator. I have now done 15 tests (at least). I can't help it, I need to check I am still pregnant and the damned overpriced indicator ones give reassurance that hormone levels are still high. It's still 3.5 weeks till my scan, I am paranoid and I don't feel as awful as I did. Or maybe I'm used to it. Something.
I could pay £90 for a private scan 2 weeks earlier. I'm not going to.
Purchase 2: smashing stretchy non maternity trousers from M & S. They are great, they fit because they're normal trousers, but they stretch and stretch, and then fit again after the birth. I had a pair when I had the boys, wore them into hospital with the biggest bump ever recorded, and wore them home.
Purchase 3: yummy food from M & S. Rocky Road Bites: yumcious.
Purchase 4: ginormous pants. Normal (aka nice) ones are irritating my c-section scar which is bulging and being irritable. Not nice, so I need unsexy pants that come up to my chin. I got some truly hideous ones last week, but I got some bearable non vpl ones tonight that don't actually encase my entire body in underpants.
They're not knickers btw, knickers implies something feminine and nice.
Human evolution has ensured that having impregnated his woman, a man can relax in the knowledge that she is repulsive to all other men, possibly forever more, certainly for the duration of her pregnancy. His progeny are protected.
Pregnancy: it's delightful.
Monday 28 February 2011
Sunday 27 February 2011
"Bad" parenting
I am going to be a bad mother to this baby. It cannot be helped for I have been tainted by experience.
I do not undertake to breastfeeding against all odds until my child is 14.
I fully intend to try; if - unlike my firstborn - they manage to latch on within 72 hours, then they shall have my milk. Combined with formula, pretty much from day one. Reasons for this are many:
1) 2 healthy boys who never had breastmilk
2) 1 allergy ridden, UTI prone, asthmatic mother who was exclusively breastfed (thats me!) unlike her exclusively formula fed sibling who has none of the above
3) I'm not that good at eating nutritionally great food and would have palpitations at the thought of depriving my child. I also need rather a lot of medication when I'm not pregnant. I like the security of measured nutrients, safe milk and confirmed amounts.
I shall be offering my child a dummy.
It is called a soother and it soothes. People who think they are a cop out are idiotic; if a child is offered a dummy when something else is desired, the dummy is swiftly returned. Besides, current wisdom decrees it protects against SIDS.
I shall be fighting to NOT have a natural birth.
I want a caesarean. The survival chances and health of my child are significantly better with a planned caesarean. I have good reason to think that my pelvis would be rubbish at the whole delivery thing (also, son 1 has a ginormous head) A failed VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) bodes very ominously for mother and child. An elective caesarean has the most positive statistics. I don't remotely feel that I will miss out on a natural birth, I had no trouble bonding with my caesarean born twins and I am prepared to fight for the right to have a section. I'm not incidentally too posh to push, I don't have issue with pain, I do have issue with endangering my unborn child.
I shall be destroying the planet.
It's disposables I'm afraid. No child of mine is having nappy rash because I chose a different type of nappy from the one that I know works beautifully.
I shall be weaning at 17 weeks.
I liked the puree stage, theres something immensely satisfying about making a tiny pot of goo and feeding it to your child, and experimenting with foods. Given that the period from 14-17 weeks was a trial of not being able to satisfy hungry boys, I embraced the arrival of 17 weeks and weaning. No way could we have waited till 6 months. There are better first weaning foods now, I weaned mine on (gluten free, sugar free) rusks (don't tell my health visitor!!) as they understandably balked at baby rice, which supposedly means "they are not ready". Bollocks, it means baby rice is rank.
My child might well go straight into their own room.
Unless we haven't moved of course, but if we have they will. The boys did, we had no choice as there was no room for four of us in one bedroom. A midwife made me cry by insinuating that I was going to be tantamount to murdering my babies by not having them in beside me. My obstetrician arrived as I sobbed, he tsked at the midwife's words, informing me all three of his own children had gone into their own rooms. It makes sense to me, to have them settle early rather than having the heartbreak of separation later.
Shoot me now. I'm uncaring and old fashioned. I believe in happy children, I don't need to complete myself as a woman or save the planet. I want my children to be secure, loved and well. I shall do all of the above and if this baby is as healthy and happy as my twins are, I shall be satisfied with my job of mothering.
For the record, Dr Spock talked a lot of sense as far as I can tell. I am going to read his book and see if he was as awful as I've been told...
I do not undertake to breastfeeding against all odds until my child is 14.
I fully intend to try; if - unlike my firstborn - they manage to latch on within 72 hours, then they shall have my milk. Combined with formula, pretty much from day one. Reasons for this are many:
1) 2 healthy boys who never had breastmilk
2) 1 allergy ridden, UTI prone, asthmatic mother who was exclusively breastfed (thats me!) unlike her exclusively formula fed sibling who has none of the above
3) I'm not that good at eating nutritionally great food and would have palpitations at the thought of depriving my child. I also need rather a lot of medication when I'm not pregnant. I like the security of measured nutrients, safe milk and confirmed amounts.
I shall be offering my child a dummy.
It is called a soother and it soothes. People who think they are a cop out are idiotic; if a child is offered a dummy when something else is desired, the dummy is swiftly returned. Besides, current wisdom decrees it protects against SIDS.
I shall be fighting to NOT have a natural birth.
I want a caesarean. The survival chances and health of my child are significantly better with a planned caesarean. I have good reason to think that my pelvis would be rubbish at the whole delivery thing (also, son 1 has a ginormous head) A failed VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) bodes very ominously for mother and child. An elective caesarean has the most positive statistics. I don't remotely feel that I will miss out on a natural birth, I had no trouble bonding with my caesarean born twins and I am prepared to fight for the right to have a section. I'm not incidentally too posh to push, I don't have issue with pain, I do have issue with endangering my unborn child.
I shall be destroying the planet.
It's disposables I'm afraid. No child of mine is having nappy rash because I chose a different type of nappy from the one that I know works beautifully.
I shall be weaning at 17 weeks.
I liked the puree stage, theres something immensely satisfying about making a tiny pot of goo and feeding it to your child, and experimenting with foods. Given that the period from 14-17 weeks was a trial of not being able to satisfy hungry boys, I embraced the arrival of 17 weeks and weaning. No way could we have waited till 6 months. There are better first weaning foods now, I weaned mine on (gluten free, sugar free) rusks (don't tell my health visitor!!) as they understandably balked at baby rice, which supposedly means "they are not ready". Bollocks, it means baby rice is rank.
My child might well go straight into their own room.
Unless we haven't moved of course, but if we have they will. The boys did, we had no choice as there was no room for four of us in one bedroom. A midwife made me cry by insinuating that I was going to be tantamount to murdering my babies by not having them in beside me. My obstetrician arrived as I sobbed, he tsked at the midwife's words, informing me all three of his own children had gone into their own rooms. It makes sense to me, to have them settle early rather than having the heartbreak of separation later.
Shoot me now. I'm uncaring and old fashioned. I believe in happy children, I don't need to complete myself as a woman or save the planet. I want my children to be secure, loved and well. I shall do all of the above and if this baby is as healthy and happy as my twins are, I shall be satisfied with my job of mothering.
For the record, Dr Spock talked a lot of sense as far as I can tell. I am going to read his book and see if he was as awful as I've been told...
Saturday 26 February 2011
8 weeks
Baby is now a foetus! Woo! No more embryo, which technically means we're past a lot of the dodgy might-not-make-it stages. Having gestated for 6 weeks, plus the two weeks of not being pregnant yet that they insist on adding, we have completed 8 weeks and so are in week 9. Which some things advance you to being 9 weeks pregnant and it's confusing me. I'm not entirely sure if the due date is after 40 weeks or in week 40.
Anyways, after the scan on 25 March that will be 12 weeks, into week 13 and trimester 2. I think. And I will know if there's an actual baby and if it has any siblings in there.
Sickness is less intense than it was, feeling queasy rather than about to be sick. Rather off the idea of food though, I don't really fancy anything and don't really enjoy much. Way too keen on chocolate and puddings though.
Boobies appear to have reached their maximum size and are less painful although still very heavy and sensitive.
Of course this brings paranoia of hormone levels dropping and all being over, but the fatigue is there in full force. To be honest, having had two chemical pregnancies, when you stop being pregnant, you don't feel LESS pregnant, you don't feel pregnant at all. You wake up just feeling normal.
And she's an embryo now, I would have major indications of any loss. I think. Except if it's a molar pregnancy, or a missed miscarriage. Oh shut up brain.
I say she: that is optimism, as opposed to they or he. He would be ok, obviously, but I need some female back up in this household.
Insomnia is wearing off, difficulty in sleeping directly proportional to amount of daytime kipping.
Anyways, after the scan on 25 March that will be 12 weeks, into week 13 and trimester 2. I think. And I will know if there's an actual baby and if it has any siblings in there.
Sickness is less intense than it was, feeling queasy rather than about to be sick. Rather off the idea of food though, I don't really fancy anything and don't really enjoy much. Way too keen on chocolate and puddings though.
Boobies appear to have reached their maximum size and are less painful although still very heavy and sensitive.
Of course this brings paranoia of hormone levels dropping and all being over, but the fatigue is there in full force. To be honest, having had two chemical pregnancies, when you stop being pregnant, you don't feel LESS pregnant, you don't feel pregnant at all. You wake up just feeling normal.
And she's an embryo now, I would have major indications of any loss. I think. Except if it's a molar pregnancy, or a missed miscarriage. Oh shut up brain.
I say she: that is optimism, as opposed to they or he. He would be ok, obviously, but I need some female back up in this household.
Insomnia is wearing off, difficulty in sleeping directly proportional to amount of daytime kipping.
Wednesday 23 February 2011
The perks
Through the fug of feeling diabolical is a ray of sunshine in the form of stuff.
I don't refer to the glorious array of baby equipment needed and which requires many, many hours of perusal. I mean free stuff. I LOVE free stuff, and the stuff you get for being pregnant is so superior to the leaflets and so on you get when unpregnant.
First off, and it doesn't count as free stuff so much, but there are new and exciting catalogues. Best of these is Mamas & Papas. Mine arrived, to my joy, and when I opened it I found a £5 gift card. Ooh, ooh and ooh again. Naturally I shall manage to spend this within the month it is valid for even though I don't need anything for a good while yet.
£6 Lotty Ladybird "Baby on Board" sign is looking good.
Mothercare catalogue didn't have any freebies. Jojo Maman Bebe and Bumpto3 (shortly to be renamed the Gro Company) are catalogues for making believe you live a different life to the one you actually do.
Tesco haven't sent anything yet (other than a "you are already a member" letter - well how's about you let me update? They did). Boots stuff arrived this morning with much less free than 6 years ago, but I do now have my voucher for a free (must have) change bag if I buy nappies. Oh, and it did have a free tube of Burts Bees Nappy Ointment which I probably won't need but I do LOVE Burts Bees.
So far my favourite freebie was from Aptimil, they sent me a cutie cuddly polar bear, and a book about nutrition. Cow & Gate sent a cuddly cow (also cute, not as cute) with a pregnancy diary.
Both of these have big spiels to remind you that your child will grow a second head and be taken away from you if you force the abuse of formula on them before 6 months. After 6 months of course they may die of malnutrition if you don't use follow on milk. It's a minefield.
Note the sarcasm. More another time.
Aside from the free stuff, there are additional perks:
An excuse not to drink
A get out clause for any social occasion
An incentive to be more healthy generally
Pain relief, all hail relaxin.
Excuse from doing a lot of things - no can't babysit, no can't carry the shopping, oh too tired to cook I must must must have takeaway, oh sorry can't do that, I'll be too tired/feeble.
Excuse to eat cakes. It's not really an excuse but they do say you mustn't diet when pregnant. And if that's not a free for all on cakes I don't know what is. It is also acceptable to keep biscuits in your desk and munch away at them.
Oh, and you get a free baby at the end of it all. That's quite groovy.
Monday 21 February 2011
Ongoing feeling ick
At 7 weeks:
Headache mostly there. Vision less than great, specs required to see rather than just for PC.
Nausea: peaking. Fine in morning as long as fed, not fine in afternoon, like death in evening.
Eating: mostly doughnuts.
Drinking: water and milk.
Tiredness: ridiculous. Currently spending all day wabbit then not sleeping. Sleeping is getting better though, once I'm asleep - which takes much longer than I would like - I'm staying asleep. Getting awake in the morning is nigh impossible.
Breasts: still on a mission to launch into space, currently viewable from space.
Paranoia huge: imagined pink streaks and other terrible things.
Headache mostly there. Vision less than great, specs required to see rather than just for PC.
Nausea: peaking. Fine in morning as long as fed, not fine in afternoon, like death in evening.
Eating: mostly doughnuts.
Drinking: water and milk.
Tiredness: ridiculous. Currently spending all day wabbit then not sleeping. Sleeping is getting better though, once I'm asleep - which takes much longer than I would like - I'm staying asleep. Getting awake in the morning is nigh impossible.
Breasts: still on a mission to launch into space, currently viewable from space.
Paranoia huge: imagined pink streaks and other terrible things.
Sunday 20 February 2011
Sacrifices
When pregnant many, many things are unappealing, which makes it troublesome that some of the appealing things are banned.
Already I am thinking ice cold water is the most luxurious and delicious beverage on earth. Coffee has ceased to be attractive - which didn't happen at all last time - and fizz doesn't agree too well with the old nausea. So giving up caffeine just isn't a problem.
Normal consumption: several cups of coffee, several drinks of diet cola.
Alcohol: this seems to be a toughie for most women. Nine whole months without alcohol!! I didn't mind about abstaining when I was pregnant with the boys as I was only ever a sparodic drinker anyway. Sometimes it's nice to have an excuse not to drink: "I don't feel like drinking" doesn't seem to cut it. This time round I have been off drink for nearly two years due to painkillers so I really shan't notice, I've got used to saying "I don't drink" now. Which labels me as a freak but that lets me off all manner of social niceties as an added bonus.
Nicotine: well. In both pregnancies I have said "no more" and stopped immediately. Cravings: yes. Difficulty in ignoring cravings and being goodly for the sake of the baby/ies: no. My incredible intolerance and very short temper might be in part due to nicotine withdrawal, but is more likely due to raging hormones.
I'm positive a cigarette would be impossible to have with the nausea anyway, the smell is certainly vomit inducing from other people, but I'm not finding out. I have little time for women who smoke when pregnant. I am pathetically devoted to smoking (at least occasionally) any other time - any excuse - and I can quit cold turkey for the sake of my offspring. All it takes is a reason not to get the next packet, a healthy child is a damned good reason and I am very disdainful of the mother to be who overrules that instinct and smokes anyway.
And off the soapbox.
Cheeses: this is the biggest sacrifice of all.
Q. Do you have any idea of all the types of cheese you can't eat when pregnant?
A. Anything unpasteurised or mouldy, sorry "mould ripened", especially both. That means the mighty gorgonzola, the magnificent camembert and the wondrous dolcelatte are all out. Goat's cheese - nope. Feta - nope.
Cheese is lovely, cheese is the best.
Cheese is denied.
I miss cheese.
Luckily this can be sidelined a bit by eating copious wodges of cheddar.
Pate: you're not supposed to eat liver anyway - too much vitamin A for baby - and pate also carries a risk of listeria. So it's a no no. Even vegetarian pate supposedly - listeria again, and in some there's a risk of salmonella from raw eggs.
I don't eat regular pate, but now, obviously, I want some.
Medications: you're not supposed to have any. Certain antihistamines are ok, paracetamol is ok if you really must and that's about it. Except for gaviscon, which is every pregnant woman's best friend. Suffer colds and flu manfully, for there is nothing you can take.
I ignored the vague recommendation to avoid nuts when I was pregnant before and now it is official that there is no evidence to support the likelihood of your child developing a nut allergy if you consume nuts when you're pregnant. Oh really? There's a shock.
Obviously people who have nut allergies are recommended not to eat nuts when pregnant.
I'm not overly convinced by the bagged salad thing (listeria again) but as I can heroically cope with cutting up my own salad, I'll go with it.
I don't have a cat, but if I did I'd have to forgo changing the litter tray. Cat poo is v bad news, it can carry toxoplasmosis which is worse than listeria. Dog poo is ok.
You're also supposed to avoid certain essential oils. Citrus oils are ok and I don't care much about the others. Avoid being a hippy.
I don't personally colour my hair when pregnant. Just in case. Lots of other people do in the delusion that nicely touched up roots will detract from the rest.
There's other things one should avoid, they're mostly fairly obvious. If you do something daft, stop doing it for now.
It is worth it.
Already I am thinking ice cold water is the most luxurious and delicious beverage on earth. Coffee has ceased to be attractive - which didn't happen at all last time - and fizz doesn't agree too well with the old nausea. So giving up caffeine just isn't a problem.
Normal consumption: several cups of coffee, several drinks of diet cola.
Alcohol: this seems to be a toughie for most women. Nine whole months without alcohol!! I didn't mind about abstaining when I was pregnant with the boys as I was only ever a sparodic drinker anyway. Sometimes it's nice to have an excuse not to drink: "I don't feel like drinking" doesn't seem to cut it. This time round I have been off drink for nearly two years due to painkillers so I really shan't notice, I've got used to saying "I don't drink" now. Which labels me as a freak but that lets me off all manner of social niceties as an added bonus.
Nicotine: well. In both pregnancies I have said "no more" and stopped immediately. Cravings: yes. Difficulty in ignoring cravings and being goodly for the sake of the baby/ies: no. My incredible intolerance and very short temper might be in part due to nicotine withdrawal, but is more likely due to raging hormones.
I'm positive a cigarette would be impossible to have with the nausea anyway, the smell is certainly vomit inducing from other people, but I'm not finding out. I have little time for women who smoke when pregnant. I am pathetically devoted to smoking (at least occasionally) any other time - any excuse - and I can quit cold turkey for the sake of my offspring. All it takes is a reason not to get the next packet, a healthy child is a damned good reason and I am very disdainful of the mother to be who overrules that instinct and smokes anyway.
And off the soapbox.
Cheeses: this is the biggest sacrifice of all.
Q. Do you have any idea of all the types of cheese you can't eat when pregnant?
A. Anything unpasteurised or mouldy, sorry "mould ripened", especially both. That means the mighty gorgonzola, the magnificent camembert and the wondrous dolcelatte are all out. Goat's cheese - nope. Feta - nope.
Cheese is lovely, cheese is the best.
Cheese is denied.
I miss cheese.
Luckily this can be sidelined a bit by eating copious wodges of cheddar.
Pate: you're not supposed to eat liver anyway - too much vitamin A for baby - and pate also carries a risk of listeria. So it's a no no. Even vegetarian pate supposedly - listeria again, and in some there's a risk of salmonella from raw eggs.
I don't eat regular pate, but now, obviously, I want some.
Medications: you're not supposed to have any. Certain antihistamines are ok, paracetamol is ok if you really must and that's about it. Except for gaviscon, which is every pregnant woman's best friend. Suffer colds and flu manfully, for there is nothing you can take.
I ignored the vague recommendation to avoid nuts when I was pregnant before and now it is official that there is no evidence to support the likelihood of your child developing a nut allergy if you consume nuts when you're pregnant. Oh really? There's a shock.
Obviously people who have nut allergies are recommended not to eat nuts when pregnant.
I'm not overly convinced by the bagged salad thing (listeria again) but as I can heroically cope with cutting up my own salad, I'll go with it.
I don't have a cat, but if I did I'd have to forgo changing the litter tray. Cat poo is v bad news, it can carry toxoplasmosis which is worse than listeria. Dog poo is ok.
You're also supposed to avoid certain essential oils. Citrus oils are ok and I don't care much about the others. Avoid being a hippy.
I don't personally colour my hair when pregnant. Just in case. Lots of other people do in the delusion that nicely touched up roots will detract from the rest.
There's other things one should avoid, they're mostly fairly obvious. If you do something daft, stop doing it for now.
It is worth it.
Humour?
The designers of the whole reproduction thing, as well as missing some major design flaws, must have had a right laugh.
What fun: to be insomniac when more tired than ever before. Tired? Yes! Sleepy? No!!! And if sleep does arrive, usually around about breakfast time, it is accompanied by bonkers and disturbing dreams.
Jolly japes: constant nausea; the whole concept, smell, effort and existence of food is repulsive. Yet the only way to overcome the nausea is to consume the vile food. In vast quantities because this is the only type of nausea that is accompanied by a insatiable hunger.
Extra laughs: the unquenchable thirst and a bladder capacity of 15ml.
Luckily the hormones make one chilled out and not tetchy or it might annoy rather...
What fun: to be insomniac when more tired than ever before. Tired? Yes! Sleepy? No!!! And if sleep does arrive, usually around about breakfast time, it is accompanied by bonkers and disturbing dreams.
Jolly japes: constant nausea; the whole concept, smell, effort and existence of food is repulsive. Yet the only way to overcome the nausea is to consume the vile food. In vast quantities because this is the only type of nausea that is accompanied by a insatiable hunger.
Extra laughs: the unquenchable thirst and a bladder capacity of 15ml.
Luckily the hormones make one chilled out and not tetchy or it might annoy rather...
Friday 18 February 2011
This is not morning!
Morning: a time for feeling a little nauseous. Breakfast must be consumed early or nausea strengthens. Nausea remains merely horrid unless attempting some strenuous exercise such as standing up. The rest of the day passes in a tired fug of feeling queasy, very tired and incredibly intolerant of all smells, sounds and people. Aside from 3-4pm, which is zombie hour, it's bearable. Just.
Evening: 8pm strikes. The time when children are asleep and normality could be had. The endless fatigue of day could be relieved by a big sleep.
Ha! says the hormones. It's time for proper morning sickness! So the nausea escalates to truly debilitating levels. The sickness never comes, thankfully, but it feels like it's about to. Constantly. Movement is nigh impossible. Sleep would seem the best move, but no. Lying down is worse. Happiness!! Much sitting down required. Also at 8pm precisely each evening, the breasts increase another size and ache in a burny sort of manner. They are unaware that they are not needed for a little over seven months.
This all remains till sleep, which is elusive. Not at night!!! It's "morning". Sometime, as dawn approaches, sleep arrives and settles nicely into deep sleep just as the alarm goes off.
And so begins another day...
Seven weeks now!
Evening: 8pm strikes. The time when children are asleep and normality could be had. The endless fatigue of day could be relieved by a big sleep.
Ha! says the hormones. It's time for proper morning sickness! So the nausea escalates to truly debilitating levels. The sickness never comes, thankfully, but it feels like it's about to. Constantly. Movement is nigh impossible. Sleep would seem the best move, but no. Lying down is worse. Happiness!! Much sitting down required. Also at 8pm precisely each evening, the breasts increase another size and ache in a burny sort of manner. They are unaware that they are not needed for a little over seven months.
This all remains till sleep, which is elusive. Not at night!!! It's "morning". Sometime, as dawn approaches, sleep arrives and settles nicely into deep sleep just as the alarm goes off.
And so begins another day...
Seven weeks now!
Tuesday 15 February 2011
Twin panic
I am completely convinced it's twins. One boy, one girl.
The evidence is pointing toward twins, I seem to be developing a bump at 6+4 - not just the bloated tummy type either. That shouldn't happen for a bit, and is exactly what happened with the boys. I feel proper sick and, well, much the same as last time.
I can't imagine one baby. I picture a baby boy, and a little girl. Can't focus on one or t'other. This doesn't mean anything, I was sure I was having one of each last time, although I was sure of boy before I knew it was twins. But still, I've got a feeling.
Statistically, it's more worrying that before. Any IVF twins skew the statistics, because they didn't occur naturally. So naturally occurring twins like mine are much more likely to happen again than overall stats indicate. Personally - on the only previously tested occasion, I ovulated twice.
Don't get me wrong, I love my twins to bits and the second set would be easier than the first, but there's issues. 1) I want my singleton baby time!! 2) regular cars don't take 6 people. 3) The thought of another twin pregnancy is hideous.
Oh god I want a scan. I think I may phone the midwife tomorrow and see if I have a date yet. I want to be closer to the 10 week than the 14 week.
And breathe.
And breathe.
The evidence is pointing toward twins, I seem to be developing a bump at 6+4 - not just the bloated tummy type either. That shouldn't happen for a bit, and is exactly what happened with the boys. I feel proper sick and, well, much the same as last time.
I can't imagine one baby. I picture a baby boy, and a little girl. Can't focus on one or t'other. This doesn't mean anything, I was sure I was having one of each last time, although I was sure of boy before I knew it was twins. But still, I've got a feeling.
Statistically, it's more worrying that before. Any IVF twins skew the statistics, because they didn't occur naturally. So naturally occurring twins like mine are much more likely to happen again than overall stats indicate. Personally - on the only previously tested occasion, I ovulated twice.
Don't get me wrong, I love my twins to bits and the second set would be easier than the first, but there's issues. 1) I want my singleton baby time!! 2) regular cars don't take 6 people. 3) The thought of another twin pregnancy is hideous.
Oh god I want a scan. I think I may phone the midwife tomorrow and see if I have a date yet. I want to be closer to the 10 week than the 14 week.
And breathe.
And breathe.
Sunday 13 February 2011
6 weeks and flagging
Well, there's not much point in writing "today was the same", hence the gap in posts. Well, and I've been a bit wabbit. I am now 6 weeks and 2 days and all is much as before: very tired, feel sick most of the time, oversensitive to smells, sore boobies, general aching.
Still paranoid about the same things: quadruplets, miscarriages of the missed or not missed variety.
Which gives one of the definite joys of pregnancy; given that you go rather a lot, there is a need to check for blood every single time, which means an awful lot of momentary fretting. I know from last time that the checking never stops, you just get to a stage when it becomes checking for signs of labour rather than signs of miscarriage. There is a halcyonic half hour or so between early pregnancy and advanced whaleness where your bladder has a capacity of more than a thimble, but it is indeed short lived.
Ok, I believe in non multiple pregnancies this is known as the second trimester and is the mythical blooming period of perpetual joy, lush hair, glowing skin and the ability to both eat food and act like a fully functioning human being. I am yet to meet a mother who experiences this, other than retrospectively while uttering the ever misleading: "I LOVED being pregnant". Note that is only ever in past tense, I do not believe any mother has ever said "I am loving being pregnant".
I am not loving being pregnant. I am loving the fact that there will be another baby, but getting there is tough. The fretting is crippling: is it real? is it well? does it have a sibling in there with it? will it still be well tomorrow? is it still well? what if it inherits my nose? or is rubbish at maths? will I ever stop feeling sick? is it a he or a she? what can we call it? is it still well? will both of us survive the process of getting it out of me? is it still well? what are my chances of Downs again? and cerebral palsy, how do I avoid that? how will I cope with night feeds and will this one toilet train at 18 months like I was PROMISED? is it well today?
It's no wonder pregnancy is tiring.
Still paranoid about the same things: quadruplets, miscarriages of the missed or not missed variety.
Which gives one of the definite joys of pregnancy; given that you go rather a lot, there is a need to check for blood every single time, which means an awful lot of momentary fretting. I know from last time that the checking never stops, you just get to a stage when it becomes checking for signs of labour rather than signs of miscarriage. There is a halcyonic half hour or so between early pregnancy and advanced whaleness where your bladder has a capacity of more than a thimble, but it is indeed short lived.
Ok, I believe in non multiple pregnancies this is known as the second trimester and is the mythical blooming period of perpetual joy, lush hair, glowing skin and the ability to both eat food and act like a fully functioning human being. I am yet to meet a mother who experiences this, other than retrospectively while uttering the ever misleading: "I LOVED being pregnant". Note that is only ever in past tense, I do not believe any mother has ever said "I am loving being pregnant".
I am not loving being pregnant. I am loving the fact that there will be another baby, but getting there is tough. The fretting is crippling: is it real? is it well? does it have a sibling in there with it? will it still be well tomorrow? is it still well? what if it inherits my nose? or is rubbish at maths? will I ever stop feeling sick? is it a he or a she? what can we call it? is it still well? will both of us survive the process of getting it out of me? is it still well? what are my chances of Downs again? and cerebral palsy, how do I avoid that? how will I cope with night feeds and will this one toilet train at 18 months like I was PROMISED? is it well today?
It's no wonder pregnancy is tiring.
Thursday 10 February 2011
Hormones, more moans
Hormones, they sure do put you in a mood. I've been akin to premenstrual, but worse, for almost a month.
Irrational tears.
Much shouting.
Hyperbolic outrage.
It's fun.
The smell thing is not good, although it's peculiar smells that get me. Food not so bad as with the boys, although certain foods are icksome. Mostly the ones I am compelled to eat, like today's macaroni cheese for lunch. Yumtastic but smelly. And anything resembling fish, or potatoes bizarrely. Perfumes are continuing to be a problem, all perfume now makes me gag. Air freshener, furniture polish, perfume & aftershave, fabric conditioner - all vile.
More rage:
I am now being illogically upset at people's response to my news. I've told pretty much everyone now, even work as I am green around the gills and as skilled as the watercooler at remembering anything. And I'm not sure what reaction would please me. Bizarrely, I'm almost embarrassed to say, it wasn't planned and I feel that counts against me. I still want it, very much, it's an accident I've been praying for the last two years, but I still feel slightly like it's not real somehow. I've got a vague recollection of feeling similar when I was blatantly obviously pregnant with twins. Until the scan and the definite confirmation that you've got a real live baby or three in there, it does feel a bit like you're making it up.
Christ. Imagine triplets. I always boggled at the idea of how one could cope with triplets (arms = 2, maximum number of babies also = 2) given the restrictions of twins. I suppose subsequent triplets do have the advantage of additional arms in the firstborn.
I would definitely be feeling shitter right now if it was triplets.
Irrational tears.
Much shouting.
Hyperbolic outrage.
It's fun.
The smell thing is not good, although it's peculiar smells that get me. Food not so bad as with the boys, although certain foods are icksome. Mostly the ones I am compelled to eat, like today's macaroni cheese for lunch. Yumtastic but smelly. And anything resembling fish, or potatoes bizarrely. Perfumes are continuing to be a problem, all perfume now makes me gag. Air freshener, furniture polish, perfume & aftershave, fabric conditioner - all vile.
More rage:
I am now being illogically upset at people's response to my news. I've told pretty much everyone now, even work as I am green around the gills and as skilled as the watercooler at remembering anything. And I'm not sure what reaction would please me. Bizarrely, I'm almost embarrassed to say, it wasn't planned and I feel that counts against me. I still want it, very much, it's an accident I've been praying for the last two years, but I still feel slightly like it's not real somehow. I've got a vague recollection of feeling similar when I was blatantly obviously pregnant with twins. Until the scan and the definite confirmation that you've got a real live baby or three in there, it does feel a bit like you're making it up.
Christ. Imagine triplets. I always boggled at the idea of how one could cope with triplets (arms = 2, maximum number of babies also = 2) given the restrictions of twins. I suppose subsequent triplets do have the advantage of additional arms in the firstborn.
I would definitely be feeling shitter right now if it was triplets.
Wednesday 9 February 2011
Today, part 2
Saw doctor today. Woo! It would seem there is nothing wrong or untoward going on, all is normal. Reiterated to me that problems tend to manifest as bleeding or severe pain. I now have a new and much reduced amount of medication that's ok for pregnancy, which is why I was at the doc rather than due to hypochondria.
Blood pressure: is ok. No drugs for now, to be monitored. Could lead to end of blood pressure medication forever.
Painkillers: can live with whiplash pain just now so need small amounts "just in case" and in case of withdrawal. Hoping that this may also be cured as is clearly a ligament problem.
(may spend first month of child's life in traction, but that won't unduly harm said child).
Antihistamines: ok, so that's because 28 for £0 is a lot better than 7 for £3.
And that is all my medication, other than the folic acid. How amazing. Pregnancy should be touted as a cure for chronic pain.
I think I remember someone with MS saying that they were a lot better when pregnant. I may be making that up.
Oh, more stats, which answers a kindly comment in a most lazy manner:
Chances of having twins in any pregnancy: 1 in 80.
Having one set of twins means that a women is 4 x more likely next time to have a second set, so that means: 1 in 20.
(The 1 in 300 chance is the overall chance of having 2 sets of twins).
So I have a 5% chance of miscarriage and a 5% chance of twins, and therefore a 95% chance (one does not preclude the other) of a normal, singleton pregnancy.
It could be but 4 weeks till a scan, and 8 weeks at the very most I should think. That's not long.
Yes it is.
Symptoms today: boobies (a little) less sensitive, nausea extra nauseating. Tiredness overwhelming. Forgetfulness and general doziness at peak, irritability maxed out.
On irritability, I am all of the following:
a) hormonal
b) nicotine deprived
c) caffeine deprived
d) codeine deprived
e) sleep deprived
f) rationality deprived
g) freaked out
Is it any wonder I'm a bit intolerant?
Blood pressure: is ok. No drugs for now, to be monitored. Could lead to end of blood pressure medication forever.
Painkillers: can live with whiplash pain just now so need small amounts "just in case" and in case of withdrawal. Hoping that this may also be cured as is clearly a ligament problem.
(may spend first month of child's life in traction, but that won't unduly harm said child).
Antihistamines: ok, so that's because 28 for £0 is a lot better than 7 for £3.
And that is all my medication, other than the folic acid. How amazing. Pregnancy should be touted as a cure for chronic pain.
I think I remember someone with MS saying that they were a lot better when pregnant. I may be making that up.
Oh, more stats, which answers a kindly comment in a most lazy manner:
Chances of having twins in any pregnancy: 1 in 80.
Having one set of twins means that a women is 4 x more likely next time to have a second set, so that means: 1 in 20.
(The 1 in 300 chance is the overall chance of having 2 sets of twins).
So I have a 5% chance of miscarriage and a 5% chance of twins, and therefore a 95% chance (one does not preclude the other) of a normal, singleton pregnancy.
It could be but 4 weeks till a scan, and 8 weeks at the very most I should think. That's not long.
Yes it is.
Symptoms today: boobies (a little) less sensitive, nausea extra nauseating. Tiredness overwhelming. Forgetfulness and general doziness at peak, irritability maxed out.
On irritability, I am all of the following:
a) hormonal
b) nicotine deprived
c) caffeine deprived
d) codeine deprived
e) sleep deprived
f) rationality deprived
g) freaked out
Is it any wonder I'm a bit intolerant?
Insanity
This may turn out to be an extra one, because it is that time of day where worry, sore tummy and nausea* prevent sleep.
(*and the morning spent asleep)
Stupid stupid worry, I worry that I'm going to worry a problem into existence.
I have conflicting worries, which make less than sense:
Worry one: that I experience a missed miscarriage/blighted ovum and there's nothing there when I get a scan in 200 years time.
(actually in between 5 and 8 weeks, but time goes so very slooooowwwwly when you're pregnant)
Worry two: that it's twins.
Illogical, huh? One extreme or t'other.
I may have mentioned both, I forget. I forget most things actually, as the pregnancy progresses, the more repetitive these entries will be.
The evidence would suggest an entirely normal singleton pregnancy. Tell that to my paranoid brain.
I WANT A SCAN!!!!!!! The fact that nothing would show up yet is irrelevant. It's not that long to wait and as long as I feel diabolical and nothing falls out - it's ok.
Bedtime reading: What to Expect When You're Expecting.
Again.
Happy statistic:
Chance of miscarriage having not had one and having had a previously live birth is 5%. Even if I'd never had a previous pregnancy, the rate for age 35-38 is 18%.
Worry is a silly thing, it wouldn't make it easier if the worst happened. Shush shush silly brain. Enjoy the, err, something pleasant about this stage...
Incidentally, chance of second and subsequent set of fraternal twins is 1 in 300.
Worry be gone!
We still don't have any boys names and it's 15 weeks till we find out about that one.
(*and the morning spent asleep)
Stupid stupid worry, I worry that I'm going to worry a problem into existence.
I have conflicting worries, which make less than sense:
Worry one: that I experience a missed miscarriage/blighted ovum and there's nothing there when I get a scan in 200 years time.
(actually in between 5 and 8 weeks, but time goes so very slooooowwwwly when you're pregnant)
Worry two: that it's twins.
Illogical, huh? One extreme or t'other.
I may have mentioned both, I forget. I forget most things actually, as the pregnancy progresses, the more repetitive these entries will be.
The evidence would suggest an entirely normal singleton pregnancy. Tell that to my paranoid brain.
I WANT A SCAN!!!!!!! The fact that nothing would show up yet is irrelevant. It's not that long to wait and as long as I feel diabolical and nothing falls out - it's ok.
Bedtime reading: What to Expect When You're Expecting.
Again.
Happy statistic:
Chance of miscarriage having not had one and having had a previously live birth is 5%. Even if I'd never had a previous pregnancy, the rate for age 35-38 is 18%.
Worry is a silly thing, it wouldn't make it easier if the worst happened. Shush shush silly brain. Enjoy the, err, something pleasant about this stage...
Incidentally, chance of second and subsequent set of fraternal twins is 1 in 300.
Worry be gone!
We still don't have any boys names and it's 15 weeks till we find out about that one.
Tuesday 8 February 2011
The smell of fatigue
An uneventful day so far. I decided I was not fit for work (pretty much decided before I left work yesterday) so went straight back to bed when I got back from taking the boys to school. And sleep...
Why is sleeping so much easier when it's daytime? We're designed to sleep at night, but that's hard. My brain has this little switch that activates when it understands that bedtime has occurred. This makes it go into "dooooo stuffff. Wakey wakey, dontcha need to visit the bathroom? Ooh remember those things you wondered about? Now would be a great time to look them up!" mode.
But I defeated it today. Ha. I went through the gargantuan effort of making and eating lunch (can still eat, this is good) which has been the sole achievement of today. Logic: may resemble human being later and be useful then.
Reading stuff mostly leads to paranoia. Everything can be bad /ominous if you read enough. Do not read stuff! Or if you must, read What to Expect When You're Expecting, because it is nice and reassuring.
I'm adding to this, it is now bedtime and I feel compelled to add for future reference that the nausea is never far away. It hides when I do no exertion whatsoever and am exposed to no smells of any strong type at all.
Surprisingly, the smells that are getting me most are perfumes. For no good reason I put on some Poison the other day and nearly fainted from the smell, I had to wash my neck. I do normally like Poison (not as much as when I was 12 but it was a kind gift still). The bathroom aisle in Asda had me near enough hurling this evening. Hubby suggested he might make kedgeree for the boys, saying as how I don't eat fish, and seemed surprised to be informed his wife would have to be out of the house for a week or so afterwards. Obvious smells have the nausea at peak, the ones a hangover can't deal with - fish, cooking smells generally and any conventionally rank smells. I already mentioned cigarette smoke. Ugh, and I can say that as a non smoker of nearly 2 weeks now.
I must have a wee rant about smoking sometime.
I am however going wild for Body Shop White Musk, which I have never really noticed before, and I've definitely had some and put it down to generically pleasant. Now it is ambrosia for the nose, and I don't mean it smells like rice pudding.
I don't think I'm going to work tomorrow, but I fear I may have to reveal the source of my malaise upon my return. I have the doctors who I may freak out with my list of worries. Ho hum.
I must point out: I was quite useful later. I walked up to school, reading that a walk and some fresh air is good for nausea. Is it ***k, but I survived (just). The boys and I did a fair amount of clearing - they did toys and I did trash - so we rewarded ourselves with easter eggs, which the boys didn't get on account of being very naughty while fetching them. And I changed the bed, by which I mean I stripped the bed, dug out clean covers then asked hubby to finish. Which he did - a DEFINITE perk of pregnancy. He did the dishwasher too.
Tomorrow, when I'm in a good(er) mood I may discuss intolerance.
Why is sleeping so much easier when it's daytime? We're designed to sleep at night, but that's hard. My brain has this little switch that activates when it understands that bedtime has occurred. This makes it go into "dooooo stuffff. Wakey wakey, dontcha need to visit the bathroom? Ooh remember those things you wondered about? Now would be a great time to look them up!" mode.
But I defeated it today. Ha. I went through the gargantuan effort of making and eating lunch (can still eat, this is good) which has been the sole achievement of today. Logic: may resemble human being later and be useful then.
Reading stuff mostly leads to paranoia. Everything can be bad /ominous if you read enough. Do not read stuff! Or if you must, read What to Expect When You're Expecting, because it is nice and reassuring.
I'm adding to this, it is now bedtime and I feel compelled to add for future reference that the nausea is never far away. It hides when I do no exertion whatsoever and am exposed to no smells of any strong type at all.
Surprisingly, the smells that are getting me most are perfumes. For no good reason I put on some Poison the other day and nearly fainted from the smell, I had to wash my neck. I do normally like Poison (not as much as when I was 12 but it was a kind gift still). The bathroom aisle in Asda had me near enough hurling this evening. Hubby suggested he might make kedgeree for the boys, saying as how I don't eat fish, and seemed surprised to be informed his wife would have to be out of the house for a week or so afterwards. Obvious smells have the nausea at peak, the ones a hangover can't deal with - fish, cooking smells generally and any conventionally rank smells. I already mentioned cigarette smoke. Ugh, and I can say that as a non smoker of nearly 2 weeks now.
I must have a wee rant about smoking sometime.
I am however going wild for Body Shop White Musk, which I have never really noticed before, and I've definitely had some and put it down to generically pleasant. Now it is ambrosia for the nose, and I don't mean it smells like rice pudding.
I don't think I'm going to work tomorrow, but I fear I may have to reveal the source of my malaise upon my return. I have the doctors who I may freak out with my list of worries. Ho hum.
I must point out: I was quite useful later. I walked up to school, reading that a walk and some fresh air is good for nausea. Is it ***k, but I survived (just). The boys and I did a fair amount of clearing - they did toys and I did trash - so we rewarded ourselves with easter eggs, which the boys didn't get on account of being very naughty while fetching them. And I changed the bed, by which I mean I stripped the bed, dug out clean covers then asked hubby to finish. Which he did - a DEFINITE perk of pregnancy. He did the dishwasher too.
Tomorrow, when I'm in a good(er) mood I may discuss intolerance.
Monday 7 February 2011
Worry, worry, fret, fret.
Woke up this morning feeling ok.
Panic!! Panic!!!
Except for the unbelievable tiredness that is. And the ridiculously sensitive response to odours. And the bloated tummy.
I don't feel particularly nauseous today. That's all. And everything's a bit SORE. It's normal sort of sore, not worrying or severe type of sore, but everything is worrying.
I do not need to do another test to make sure my levels are still high. Mostly because I did one yesterday. Well!! Damned Clearblue give an element of reassurance. I've *only* done about 11 tests, 10 of which have been to check I am still pregnant, the first one did answer the question satisfactorily. I did the same with the twins. Only 8 for them as you didn't get conception indicators in those days. It's a worrying time.
I have an emergency one left for next week, so I can have one final neurotic episode and then accept that there will be blood and stuff in the event of bad things happening.
Incidentally, yesterday said pregnant and 3+ weeks almost instantly. That's good. Although that does raise the worry of high levels again...
Oh shut up, inner pessimist.
I need to sleep. Lots and lots and lots and lots. And then sleep a bit more.
Panic!! Panic!!!
Except for the unbelievable tiredness that is. And the ridiculously sensitive response to odours. And the bloated tummy.
I don't feel particularly nauseous today. That's all. And everything's a bit SORE. It's normal sort of sore, not worrying or severe type of sore, but everything is worrying.
I do not need to do another test to make sure my levels are still high. Mostly because I did one yesterday. Well!! Damned Clearblue give an element of reassurance. I've *only* done about 11 tests, 10 of which have been to check I am still pregnant, the first one did answer the question satisfactorily. I did the same with the twins. Only 8 for them as you didn't get conception indicators in those days. It's a worrying time.
I have an emergency one left for next week, so I can have one final neurotic episode and then accept that there will be blood and stuff in the event of bad things happening.
Incidentally, yesterday said pregnant and 3+ weeks almost instantly. That's good. Although that does raise the worry of high levels again...
Oh shut up, inner pessimist.
I need to sleep. Lots and lots and lots and lots. And then sleep a bit more.
Sunday 6 February 2011
How to feel inferior
There was a moment in my past which changed everything forever. It was the moment in 2005 when I was told "There's two babies in there".
From that moment I was a mum-of-twins. No more standard issue pregnancy, no, off to the consultant for you missy. Then there was the getting vast and immobile, and being poised from about 25 weeks for the twins "which always come early". Or not, in my case.
Once arrived there's an endless array of new parent stuff that is Not Possible with two babies.
For the record, it's not that hard, as long as you leave all preconceptions of goodly and earth mother-y parenting in the scan room. Do what works, not what you "should" and all is fine (within obvious boundaries of common sense). We broke all the NCT rules. Ha! Take that with your normal mothers! Heh. But yeah, many activities are simply not practical so it's a lot easier to stay home and watch CBeebies.
They are doing very well at school, thank you, and their language is very good. Just so you know, even having been exposed to formula from birth AND television at the tender age of 0.
So now. Second pregnancy, huh? Yes. I am different again. Huzzah for stereotyping.
Your first child has been an only child till now.
No they haven't.
Imagine if you had twins!
Imagine, indeed.
So, advice for parents of twins on the arrival of a new sibling is.... non existent. That obviously doesn't happen, nobody would ever get pregnant again after twins! We have information (now! All produced post 2006) on what it is like to have new twins. Lots of coverage on your little one dealing with two baby siblings at one go, but none on having them already and preparing for a new arrival.
Because it doesn't happen. Follow the rulebook, people. Firstborn: one child. Twins are for subsequent pregnancies, if you must.
As if that isn't enough, all mentions of second pregnancies presume that child one is either a baby or a toddler. Maybe a preschooler at the very outside if you really left it overly long, but that's pushing it a bit for credibility.
I feel distinctly persecuted. Not least because I am officially an Older Mother, being over 35 and all.
To recap, this is what I got wrong:
1) I had too many babies on my first shot. 2, 3, 6, 27 - doesn't matter. The correct number of babies to have at one sitting is 1, any more is deviant. It can occasionally be excused on a second attempt.
2) I waited too long to get pregnant again. I should have unplanned it years ago.
3) I should have accepted my elderly state and not been doing things like "that" anyway. By the age of 36 I should be in a home for the insanely elderly for sure.
Pah. Luckily I'm not tetchy at the moment or it might bother me.
From that moment I was a mum-of-twins. No more standard issue pregnancy, no, off to the consultant for you missy. Then there was the getting vast and immobile, and being poised from about 25 weeks for the twins "which always come early". Or not, in my case.
Once arrived there's an endless array of new parent stuff that is Not Possible with two babies.
For the record, it's not that hard, as long as you leave all preconceptions of goodly and earth mother-y parenting in the scan room. Do what works, not what you "should" and all is fine (within obvious boundaries of common sense). We broke all the NCT rules. Ha! Take that with your normal mothers! Heh. But yeah, many activities are simply not practical so it's a lot easier to stay home and watch CBeebies.
They are doing very well at school, thank you, and their language is very good. Just so you know, even having been exposed to formula from birth AND television at the tender age of 0.
So now. Second pregnancy, huh? Yes. I am different again. Huzzah for stereotyping.
Your first child has been an only child till now.
No they haven't.
Imagine if you had twins!
Imagine, indeed.
So, advice for parents of twins on the arrival of a new sibling is.... non existent. That obviously doesn't happen, nobody would ever get pregnant again after twins! We have information (now! All produced post 2006) on what it is like to have new twins. Lots of coverage on your little one dealing with two baby siblings at one go, but none on having them already and preparing for a new arrival.
Because it doesn't happen. Follow the rulebook, people. Firstborn: one child. Twins are for subsequent pregnancies, if you must.
As if that isn't enough, all mentions of second pregnancies presume that child one is either a baby or a toddler. Maybe a preschooler at the very outside if you really left it overly long, but that's pushing it a bit for credibility.
I feel distinctly persecuted. Not least because I am officially an Older Mother, being over 35 and all.
To recap, this is what I got wrong:
1) I had too many babies on my first shot. 2, 3, 6, 27 - doesn't matter. The correct number of babies to have at one sitting is 1, any more is deviant. It can occasionally be excused on a second attempt.
2) I waited too long to get pregnant again. I should have unplanned it years ago.
3) I should have accepted my elderly state and not been doing things like "that" anyway. By the age of 36 I should be in a home for the insanely elderly for sure.
Pah. Luckily I'm not tetchy at the moment or it might bother me.
Saturday 5 February 2011
Sick and tired
Well that about sums me up. I am too tired to do anything much, pretty much everything seems too much effort. And I spend all day needing to snooze, and then whee! Can't sleep at night due to nausea. Nausea: ever-present and everything is feeling a bit battered.
It's a lot of fun.
Today's considerations: do I want to try reusable nappies?
Conclusion is looking like no, because nappy rash is a part of cloth nappies and I don't want to do that. But I do feel I should try it, so I might on the understanding that they get ditched on the first sighting of rash. If we move house. I'm not doing endless nappy washes in a flat.
Pregnancy is a real joy of paranoia. Having got past the "I'm not really pregnant", we're now onto the "I might lose it" (which involves checking EVERY trip to the bathroom for blood) with elements of "the child might be disabled because of being unplanned" intermingled with my own special "it could be twins you know".
I don't feel like it's twins. Although last time I didn't really think it was until it was. And last time I had all the other paranoia and it was FINE. I was half convinced on the day of the first scan they were going to tell me there was no baby in there; they said there were two!
Delusion of the day: Creme Eggs are not a craving. That's being a fat bastard.
It's a lot of fun.
Today's considerations: do I want to try reusable nappies?
Conclusion is looking like no, because nappy rash is a part of cloth nappies and I don't want to do that. But I do feel I should try it, so I might on the understanding that they get ditched on the first sighting of rash. If we move house. I'm not doing endless nappy washes in a flat.
Pregnancy is a real joy of paranoia. Having got past the "I'm not really pregnant", we're now onto the "I might lose it" (which involves checking EVERY trip to the bathroom for blood) with elements of "the child might be disabled because of being unplanned" intermingled with my own special "it could be twins you know".
I don't feel like it's twins. Although last time I didn't really think it was until it was. And last time I had all the other paranoia and it was FINE. I was half convinced on the day of the first scan they were going to tell me there was no baby in there; they said there were two!
Delusion of the day: Creme Eggs are not a craving. That's being a fat bastard.
Friday 4 February 2011
5 weeks
Well, I'm 5 weeks today, starting my 6th week which some books then make this be 6 weeks. Which just confuses an already confusing thing.
Relaxed a bit today, I definitely feel better than I did at this stage with boys, therefore unlikely to be twins. Hormone levels not going mad (2-3 weeks again today, as you'd expect - freak result yesterday), so it's not a molar pregnancy.
So today, a note of symptoms at 5 weeks:
Nausea
Constantly, with a touch of heartburn.
Very, very sore boobies
. Inflated and with stabbing pains. Nice!
Fatigue
It's set in properly now, with the added joy of being completely unable to get to sleep at night.
Bonus side effect
Neck is much less sore, need painkillers much less. Hooray, an unaddicted newborn!
I had a bath tonight! With the aid of a new inflatable pillow, I'm not completely better, but wooteroni!! I haven't had a bath since my accident in april 09. It's a major thing.
Today I read most of Tess Daly's baby diaries and learned:
I don't like Tess Daly, she has no sense of humour.
I won't be upset if I can't breastfeed.
I definitely want a caesarean, ideally with the same consultant I had last time.
Back to pregnancy calming books...
Relaxed a bit today, I definitely feel better than I did at this stage with boys, therefore unlikely to be twins. Hormone levels not going mad (2-3 weeks again today, as you'd expect - freak result yesterday), so it's not a molar pregnancy.
So today, a note of symptoms at 5 weeks:
Nausea
Constantly, with a touch of heartburn.
Very, very sore boobies
. Inflated and with stabbing pains. Nice!
Fatigue
It's set in properly now, with the added joy of being completely unable to get to sleep at night.
Bonus side effect
Neck is much less sore, need painkillers much less. Hooray, an unaddicted newborn!
I had a bath tonight! With the aid of a new inflatable pillow, I'm not completely better, but wooteroni!! I haven't had a bath since my accident in april 09. It's a major thing.
Today I read most of Tess Daly's baby diaries and learned:
I don't like Tess Daly, she has no sense of humour.
I won't be upset if I can't breastfeed.
I definitely want a caesarean, ideally with the same consultant I had last time.
Back to pregnancy calming books...
Wednesday 2 February 2011
Miserable
I am totally stuffed with the cold.
I feel constantly sick. I feel ok when I'm eating, then feel sicker.
My chest is inflating by the second, and it feels like it's being attacked with knives.
Waist is expanding rapidly.
I have lots of groovy books to read. The stage whereby nothing matters if is not to do with My Baby has arrived, although I do manage to cope with my existing babies. They are very excited, and may be of help as they will be nearly six when baby/babies arrive. One of the books is entitled "Pregnancy in Older Mums" as I have come across the "over 35" label a bit too often already. Paranoia central! It is a miracle, it seems, that I am alive at all, never mind the fact that hubby's decrepit sperm managed to impregnate my shrivelled egg. Such decayed beginnings could only lead to a broken child. That book is going back to the library pronto. I did get the companion to my precious Pregnancy Bible; a Pregnancy Bible for a Second Pregnancy. Woot! I was so attached to the original I lugged it all the way to Amsterdam and back. That is currently missing (the book, not Amsterdam), a full on search is required. "What to Expect When You're Expecting" alleviated the panic from the older mum book.
I feel very large. This may be due to constant eating for three days, or it may be due to excess children on board. I am definitely less tired than last time, which suggests it isn't twins, but I am starting to feel every other symptom just as keenly as last time. Who knows. 7 weeks or so till I find out.
I feel constantly sick. I feel ok when I'm eating, then feel sicker.
My chest is inflating by the second, and it feels like it's being attacked with knives.
Waist is expanding rapidly.
I have lots of groovy books to read. The stage whereby nothing matters if is not to do with My Baby has arrived, although I do manage to cope with my existing babies. They are very excited, and may be of help as they will be nearly six when baby/babies arrive. One of the books is entitled "Pregnancy in Older Mums" as I have come across the "over 35" label a bit too often already. Paranoia central! It is a miracle, it seems, that I am alive at all, never mind the fact that hubby's decrepit sperm managed to impregnate my shrivelled egg. Such decayed beginnings could only lead to a broken child. That book is going back to the library pronto. I did get the companion to my precious Pregnancy Bible; a Pregnancy Bible for a Second Pregnancy. Woot! I was so attached to the original I lugged it all the way to Amsterdam and back. That is currently missing (the book, not Amsterdam), a full on search is required. "What to Expect When You're Expecting" alleviated the panic from the older mum book.
I feel very large. This may be due to constant eating for three days, or it may be due to excess children on board. I am definitely less tired than last time, which suggests it isn't twins, but I am starting to feel every other symptom just as keenly as last time. Who knows. 7 weeks or so till I find out.
Tuesday 1 February 2011
Feeling queasy
Ugh. Feel very sick. Feel very tired. Ache a lot in the chest area. Smells are not good, especially cigarette smoke and ham. Ugh. Bizarrely, McDonalds cheeseburgers, which aren't even food, are appealing. Very appealing. Which is odd as a) they're rank and b) I don't eat red meat.
But I am official. I saw a midwife today who didn't mock or dismiss me, and who has booked me in, all set for getting a scan date and what not. I am starting to get excited. Last test today was very very dark, I think I can stop now as something major and definitely noticeable has to happen for it not to continue.
Unconnectedly to our news, today we got our new car. I say that, today hubby got his new car. Just as well, the teeny 500 had no room for babies, the S40 does indeed. Volvo love renewed. The Fiat was 16 months old and a frequent visitor to the garage, as well as being the unluckiest car we've owned. Fed up, hubby had decided on a new car, and with Friday's news, we swapped the tiny for the huge.
It's very nice.
I told one of the mums at school about baby, and had a right moan to her. I have the cold!! And I can't take anything other than paracetamol, which stops the need to keel over, but doesn't address the congestion. Still not officially telling anyone.
But I am official. I saw a midwife today who didn't mock or dismiss me, and who has booked me in, all set for getting a scan date and what not. I am starting to get excited. Last test today was very very dark, I think I can stop now as something major and definitely noticeable has to happen for it not to continue.
Unconnectedly to our news, today we got our new car. I say that, today hubby got his new car. Just as well, the teeny 500 had no room for babies, the S40 does indeed. Volvo love renewed. The Fiat was 16 months old and a frequent visitor to the garage, as well as being the unluckiest car we've owned. Fed up, hubby had decided on a new car, and with Friday's news, we swapped the tiny for the huge.
It's very nice.
I told one of the mums at school about baby, and had a right moan to her. I have the cold!! And I can't take anything other than paracetamol, which stops the need to keel over, but doesn't address the congestion. Still not officially telling anyone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)