Big baby?

I'm having concerns about the size of my baby. Not serious concerns, just minor niggles.

Namely: her brothers were a normal good size and they were twins. R was 7lb 1. So if that's what twins grow to inside of me, then what will a singleton do? Second babies are supposedly larger than first, which I take to be second pregnancies, I don't think it increases with every baby.

Plus my bump is (slightly, not comment-worthily) big, I was measuring 24cm on Friday, which is within the normal range of 2cm either way of expected (22cm at 22 weeks) but still bigger. Her lengths were all normal at the scan, but normal has a range. An 11lb baby is normal.

As I don't plan to deliver naturally (reason #876), that isn't an issue, but I am concerned about how the old pelvis will hold out. For the last 6 weeks before B-Day, I will have to transfer the boys to and from school.

Who knows. I was 2 weeks early and was something like 6lb. Hubby was 6 weeks early and tiny. My niece was 35 weeks and just under 4lb. These things don't indicate a big baby genetically.

Having said that, my mother didn't smoke but the mothers of the other 2 mentioned babies did. One thing that seems to be common to all smoking mothers-to-be in my experience is premature, small babies. So possibly irrelevant.

Maybe twins aren't small, that maybe takes into consideration the early arrival of many twins. And the fact that twins are considered "full term" at something like 34 weeks instead of the 37 for single babies.

I could perhaps aid baby by eating less sweeties. I never eat sweets much normally, and I am eating pounds of sweets. Ridiculous!! Way to give myself gestational diabetes.

Kicking is marvellous, I discovered today that she will kick in response to my voice, possibly objecting to the booming voicebox. But it's still cool to talk and get a response. It may make me look like a lunatic, I can't say that I have entirely restricted this to home ("that was a bit loud wasn't it?" or "hello there!" in response to a kick) but at home I chatter away about what we're having for lunch etc. The boys will chat to her as well; O told me off earlier for being mean to her when I said she was a lazybones for not kicking on demand.

For all I am sore, tired, grumpy and overwhelmed, I wouldn't swap this for anything. I thought today how utterly wonderful it is to be a woman and have a life growing inside you. I will always look fondly back at this stage and remember these kicks and how special it felt. I do feel womanly and goddesslike today.

Not sexy though. That's mad.

Ooh, madness, that's reminds me...

Birth plan

When I was having my twins, up until the 36 week scan (twin pregnancies necessitate 4 weekly scans, which is lovely) both of them were breech, we were on for a caesarean. As such I didn't pay all that much attention to antenatal classes and what not. Not for me, thought I.

36 weeks and R was head down, they said. So induction it was to be, as they don't like you to go overdue with twins in case you pop or something like that. Refocus mind to natural birth and think, hmm, I've not done this before I think I might just trust the experts.

My birth plan was a lot like this:

I do want the babies to have the vitamin k injection.

My husband doesn't want to cut the cords.

I'd prefer to avoid general anaesthetic.

Other than that I leave it to the medics to make the best decisions for me and my babies.

Nobody read it in the end.

As R was breech on the day (at 38 weeks and 6 days) the twins were delivered by caesarean anyway, after much it's a head/no it's a bottom/no it's a head/let's just go for a section.

Anyway. This is my proposed birth plan for this time:

Have planned caesarean section.

This doesn't apply if she comes early. Supposedly if I am in advanced labour I will be keen (keen? Really?) and indeed expected to carry on with a natural delivery, but as I fully expect to be at the hospital approximately 24 seconds after any water breakage or contractions, this is unlikely.

As I got to nearly 39 weeks with "they always come early" twins after not a hint of imminent labour, I guess I'm not an early dropper. Not to mention the fact that she's so far been fast forwarded 2 weeks already and they're planning a 39 + 2 delivery date so early is really unlikely.

The VBAC option has been dismissed. Way too risky for me and baby. In case you wondered.

Stropping and shopping

I'm fed up and feeling very most sorry for myself and taking it out on everyone else. Hormonal probably but they do tell me my hormones should be levelling out about now and I should be cheering up a bit.

Ha!!

I shall refrain from whinging and instead focus on the fun side of pregnancy.

Namely, playing with my baby in the womb. Yes, really. The kicking is now noticeable from outside and I can literally lie and gaze and my undulating abdomen endlessly. Together in Electric Dreams makes her dance enthusiastically so if I feel her move I can now do a party trick of dancing belly. I discovered this last night and then went to show her daddy. She most obligingly bopped on command. Hurrah!

She also pushes back if you prod her, which is fun. I am most pleased to note that at present her most awake time is late evening and her least awake time is first thing in the morning. Like her brothers, we can have nice long lies hopefully. Well, aside from the small diversion of taking said brothers to school, but the intelligent purchase of a carrycot for the buggy means she can snooze on the school run and remain snoozing while Mummy goes back to bed for a good while.

The buggy is ordered!! We went for the Recaro Akuna, it's the closest to everything I want in one package that actually exists.


That pic is a wee bit small but I hope you can get the gist. We didn't get the footmuff as I figure the carrycot covers footmuff needing occasions for this winter and by next winter she'll not want to be encased in footmuff and can be wrapped up warm in clothing. nor did we get the change bag as we don't need that. We did get the buggy, car seat and carrycot. We went for the grey (shown), the other option is black and red; while I like that colourway, it's not very baby girl.

I bought my first girlie pink thing :-). It is some bunting to put up in the baby's room in the house we haven't moved to yet. It may go in the baby's corner of our room in the short term. It's pretty but bigger than I expected. Daddy no like, I no care.


I think it's cute and not too babyish. Good? Bad?

It wasn't expensive, if it's ridiculous I'll put it away for later birthday parties.

I need to plan what else we need. She's due to be delivered 17 weeks tomorrow, which is the same length of time since my positive pregnancy test. That didn't take long to pass, or it doesn't feel long now anyway even if it felt endless at the time, so I do need to think. Some pink may feature, within reason.

:-)

Insults

I'm fed up with people and so I shall revisit a previous rant.

Yes, I'm pregnant. Woo. I have a big tummy. Please, do, comment perpetually on it.

You ARE big, aren't you? Goodness!! Are you SURE you're not having twins? 22 weeks you say? Sheesh, that's big for 22 weeks. Ha ha, the other twin must be hiding. Ha! Imagine if it was twins. Wouldn't that be sooooo funny? Are you sure it's not twins? Positive? You are big though.

First of all, I'm a bit conscious of the fact that I have a massive bump. I always have a bit of a fat belly, even when the rest of me is slim. I don't expect people to comment on it however, but no, now I'm pregnant it's ok to say I've got a big tummy. Sure it is.

To excuse myself, I did have twins before, I wasn't in the best shape pre conception, Also, I haven't gained weight elsewhere so I'm all bump. And finally, I'm not actually measuring big for my dates according to the midwife yesterday, I'm bang on average.

Besides, I'm tall. My husband is tall. My twins were 6lb2 and 7lb1, which is massive for twins. I don't expect a tiny baby.

The best came from a colleague yesterday. She commented that it was "amazing" and shook her head.

To what amazing thing were we referring?

Why, the fact that at my age and with the older children at school and all that, to be having another baby, of course. That amazing thing. More head shaking and I don't know how you'll do it.

Ahem.

I am 36, plenty older than me have had babies. And as to the age gap, can I go back to the fact that the existing children are twins, which startlingly means that there are two of them? Had I had one baby, then another after 2.5 years and then this one after another 2.5, would anyone have commented on the gap? I doubt it. Yet having the two and then a five year gap, that's amazing. I think it's a brilliant gap and that I'd have struggled to cope with a lesser gap, but what would I know?

It's a free for all to pregnant ladies, I know it's not just me. Our pregnancies are public property. Our bumps are there for the touching, any aspect of our appearance can be commented on, and the health, temperament, name and gender of the baby can be freely speculated upon. I am open
to being told how I feel about my unborn child because, yes, you do know more about that than I do. Now is also totally the time to discuss my future procreation plans.

Note sarcasm. Please note sarcasm.

Interestingly, it is primarily women who are grandmothers who offend the greatest. Younger women, especially the childless, are either uninterested or ask sensible questions and express sensible sympathy. Having given birth you become a guru (I have myself done this) and apparently once your progeny have given birth, then you are in fact a fully qualified birth and parenting counsellor.

In short, or not as the case may be, sod off everyone who wants to comment. I don't want to hear it and I've almost certainly heard it before.

Pregnancy Essentials - part one

Due to tedium and it being a hateful Friday, I decided that I'd share the things that I have found during my pregnancies to be useful. I can't remember trimester three at the moment and as I guess that'll be easier (due to not having twins) or potentially harder (due to having PGP), so I'll come back to that later...

First trimester:

The primary thing here is nausea/sickness, which have various possibly effective remedies. I was thankfully only sick once or twice, but the nausea was awful and these are what helped me:

• lemon and ginger, or peppermint, tea. Twinings used to do one that was called Jolly Ginger Mint, if you ever see this, stock up!!
• bananas
• milk
• fruit - especially melon if it is in season
• travel sickness bands (boots sell them) 
• ginger nut biscuits and other things to nibble

Nausea is a sign of healthiness with regard to your growing placenta and embryo. Tell yourself this often. If you don't feel nauseous, don't worry though, feel lucky! Eat what you can face, the baby will get what it needs regardless if you eat nothing other than jelly babies for the entire first trimester.

The other issue in the first trimester is your expanding waistline. Not all women get this, but I did both times, almost immediately. Maternity clothes are vast at this stage, so I recommend the following:

• A couple of pairs of trousers in a larger size. I really like Next linen trousers for this. These will be useful for the hours/weeks/years after the birth before you "pop" back into shape.
• Leggings or similarly elastic waisted trousers or skirts
• Baggy tunic style tops
• Long line t shirts/jumpers in a bigger size (also useful for after the birth to avoid sobbing about your flabby ex-tummy.

And so onto...

The second trimester

By the time you are some way into the second trimester you will probably be starting to have a definite bump. The most obvious thing about this is that you need maternity clothes. I would recommend you buy the following:

• one or two pairs of maternity jeans. I like the ones that have a stretchy panel that goes over your bump, but you can get ones with stretchy panels in the sides and adjustable waists. See what you like.
• one or two pairs of maternity work trousers
• a couple of dresses if it's summer. Very easy to wear
• a handful of tops depending what you like. Babydoll or some tunic styles are nice because you don't have to have maternity versions, but some ordinary maternity tops are nice to throw on.
• underwear: you will need new non-wired bras. I like sports bras for cheapness but see what you like. I find you can wear ordinary bikini style knickers as they sit under your bump. 
• nighties - so much easier than pyjamas to wear. Make sure you get voluminous ones.
• a maternity jacket/coat/cardigan if you feel you want covered up and not just by a jacket that doesn't hint a meeting at the front. If it's proper cold, just get a giant fleece.

Good stockists of maternity clothes that don't break the bank:

Next (few stores have it but you can order)

Asda

Mothercare

Mamas and Papas

Vertbaudet

New Look

Dorothy Perkins

Asos

and if you're a bit richer:

Isabella Oliver has gorgeous things that all the celebrity yummy mummies wear.

To support your bump, and aid you if you have pain, I recommend the following:

• a support pillow for in bed. I have a sausage type one, called a V shaped cushion, which can be whatever shape you want it to be. This is useful for propping the baby/ies on after birth.
• a bump support belt. I got one from mothercare for £12 and it's marvellous, far better than the physio's tubigrip.
• cushions, cushions and more cushions. Sit on them, pop them behind your back for support, put them under your bump. Love cushions.

Third trimester

To be covered later, but the essentials as I remember them were:

• Gaviscon.

that's it. Just lots and lots of Gaviscon. Get it on repeat prescription. 

Nuh uh

Today was painful. Very much so. I never thought I'd long for being able to take tramadol!!

Walk to school: ok. Walk back from school: not ok. Continuation of journey to work: excruciating. Number of minutes taken to do above more than normal: 15.

It sure hurts to move. I fear a situation whereby moving doesn't feature heavily in my day is imminent. 7 more weeks till I come off on maternity leave - can I make it? Maybe a few days rest would cure enough to carry on.

Maybe. You know where I'm going with this...

A waddle in the life

Ouch.

It is very most difficult to do anything without involving ones pelvis. Which hurts if used.

Advice for dealing with PGP is to combine doing as little as possible with as many pelvic tilts as is humanly achievable. When tilted into the core position the pelvis is locked and doesn't float around on the ineffective ligaments. So, less pain.

Unlike pelvic floor exercises you can't surreptitiously do a few pelvic tilts while you're waiting for the green man; they are indeed most noticeable and difficult to differentiate from pelvic thrusts. You would look and feel most conspicuous thrusting away in the street. So, best kept for the privacy of home, and when your pelvis floats off into some twisted alignment, just waddle home as best you can and sort it out away from judging eyes.

It's a funny sort of pain, it doesn't hurt while you do something, it hurts after, or once you've been doing it a while. I noticed that when I left work today I was walking normally. Fifteen minutes or so later, as I approached home, I was doing some combination of a waddle and a shuffle. The pain built up as the ability failed. Sudden movements, such as that required when you realise the strudel has been in the oven too long, are ok until you take a few steps and then the pain hits.

It also accumulates. The more done by day makes for the more uncomfortable of an evening.

Things that help (rather than just a moan):

Sleeping with a support pillow under the bump and between the knees.

Wearing a tummy tubigrip. I'd guess a support belt also works. Maternity bands are a good, but not as effective, substitute.

Sitting on a cushion.

Doing everything slowly.

Avoiding standing on one leg, lifting, pushing, bending down or crossing legs.

Generally avoiding most housework.

Tilting the pelvis in before turning over in bed or standing up.

Kneeling on all fours and rocking the pelvis gently.

Copious amounts of Tramadol. No, wait, that's not allowed. If the pain persists past the birth at least there's that to look forward to...

Womb music

Baby can hear, has been able to for a couple of weeks. So baby is getting musical stimulation.

Not classical. Anyone who has ever suffered the programme Little Einsteins will appreciate why.

We started with the Phantom of the Opera, by chance, around the time hearing would have kicked in. The only musical I really like aside from the odd song (Memory, Over the Rainbow, others) and I do adore it.

At some point I heard that moment's greatest song in the world and having established it was by Arcade Fire, I now have a playlist of songs of the moment. Human by the Killers is my favourite again and we listen to that a lot, loudly, in the car and in the house. I sing along as well which must be rather awful from inside. Sorry baby!! There's most of the back catalogue of Arcade Fire and the Killers on there. We likes. Ok, I likes.

We also have Twinkle Twinkle Little Star by Fredrika Stahl which is lovely, and Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Glee, also lovely. I have never incidentally watched a second of Glee, but I think that's a nice version of Eve Cassidy's version of the song. Also, the gorgeous mobile we had for the boys, and which I really hope we didn't give away, plays Over the Rainbow so nice if she knows the tune.

O is obsessed with You're So Cool from True Romance, that will definitely be familiar. R's current favourite is Handle With Care by The Travelling Wilburys, but he isn't quite as obsessed so we don't have that as often. And obviously we do listen to the rest of the playlist, baby went wild today for Nick Cave - Ship Song. She either liked it, or hated it so much she was desperately trying to reach "next" from the womb.

It may be nonsense. The boys jiggled most to Hallelujah by John Cale, which calms ALL babies, and to Hero by Enrique Iglesias. I played Hero recently and the boys fell silent instantly. Gotta be some connection, they're not shy to dismiss my music if they dislike a song.

Money v sense

Doulas???? I mean, doulas???

I will say, I've never met anyone that has had one, but... doulas?

Ok, so as far as I can tell doulas do pretty much what midwives do (with the added bit of being your extra birth partner), but without any of the medical stuff, and they're your doula, they don't go off and doula someone else. Except, unlike midwives, they cost lots and lots of money. You can have them for advice after the birth as well and I think they look after you rather nicely post-birth but I also believe that's even more expensive.

So if you have vast amounts of money you can have "help", including and not limited to:

Doula. Someone to support you through the birth.

Independent midwife: like a non-independent (aka "free") midwife but there when you need them rather than whoever is on shift.

Post birth doula: supports you postnatally, helps you out generally. Looks after mum. Like the (regular) midwives do normally, but your own one.

Maternity nurse: moves in, does all the night feeds and stuff. Doesn't pay attention to your needs, just the child's. I haven't established if they do the day feeds and all as well, I think that is called...

Nanny: does everything child related. Doesn't look after you though.

To be rich and contemplate such options would be nice, but it seems rather like a complete waste of money as you get assistance anyway. Except the doing-the-night-feeds thing, but hello? Real life?

If I'm going to pay someone to do things for me I would so have a cleaner.

Can I request a cleaner as a gift? No, baby doesn't need anything, thanks, cleaning vouchers would be good, ta.

Possibly I and most people I know are fortunate in the provision of maternity services in our area but I don't follow the logic in paying for these things. Midwives are marvellous and they do the birth support thing for free. I have a plethora of people to call if I have any concerns/major events.

But I'm not rich or of the natural-birth-or-die mentality.

Reason and the lack thereof.

Oh people. People, people, people why art thou so damned stupid? And why is stupidity directly proportional with the amount of airtime you require?

Oi! Sssshhh. That's so mean.

Anyway, that sweeping and rather vile (it's the hormones) generalisation is brought to you by virtue of me googling again.

You see I did a bad thing yesterday. I purchased and ate some Brie. I did google while in the supermarket and my Brie ticked all the boxes of being pasteurised and what not, and the risk of listeria is very low (still present due to mould) so I thought I'd go with it. Also, one supposedly gets listeriosis from deli meats, takeaway chicken, salads and, well that covers my diet pretty much.

I decided to risk it. I have faith in my body. I sincerely hope I don't live to regret this.

But the googling revealed the nutters.

Reason #1 why we should just go ahead and eat things we're not supposed to: our parents ate all sorts of stuff and we survived. Yes, people also survived asbestos and lead paint, but that doesn't mean it's safe.

Reason #2 why we should just eat what we like in moderation, with specific reference to cheese: French women eat them. The stillbirth rate in France is higher than here. Not much, but higher. Do we know if it's the cheese? No.

I do feel awffy guilty and every twinge is now listeriosis setting in.

I also found an interesting blog about pregnancy that discussed it. So I read some more, a quite interesting blog. Until I got to one where she bemoaned that women used to be involved in the birth process from an early age and so knew much more about it. Yet, *somehow* the birth process has moved from home to hospital and this has been lost.

Hello?

Home, tended by the women of the family. Where infant, and indeed maternal, morbidity was rife. Oh how wondrous the olden days were.

Hospital, that clinical place where doctors reside and mothers and babies survive. Modern day births without the extended family around and the child/mother/both surviving. How utterly, erm, good?

Why the mistrust of the medical profession? Why the hatred of actually being properly looked after? The obsession with "right", "womanly" and "natural" seems to override the safety aspect.

And that, dear imaginary reader, is what I consider stupid.

Pelvic fail

Today my pelvis actually went on strike. It was mightily painful/uncomfortable through the night and today simply wasn't playing the being-a-pelvis game. Specifically, we have now added sitting to the things I can't do. My pelvis feels bruised, as if I spent the whole weekend on the back of a horse or riding a bike on particularly rough terrain.

I may add, as I needed to when talking to the physio, no, I didn't actually do anything like that over the weekend. Or it wouldn't be notable.

Sitting: most painful
Crossing legs: unbearable sore
Sitting down and not crossing legs: impossible
Walking: painful on the lower back and thighs.
Lying down: lower back does not tolerate.
Standing still: ok.

Luckily today's extra ouchiness coincided with my physio appointment. I now officially have pelvic girdle pain, or PGP. It seems having somewhat lax stomach muscles and less than perfect posture can be blamed, although I am mystified as to why my equally untoned stomach and slumped posture didn't cause my pelvis to give up when I was carrying TWO BABIES.

I have been given the least attractive item ever for support. It is a tubigrip. Really. Exactly the same as you get for your ankle, but bigger. It goes from my braline to my hips and it positively delightful. It does help a lot, but it is very warm and itchy and not that nice to wear.

Other things I am to do:

Attempt to use my stomach muscles and correct my posture.

Sit on cushions and what not

Try and "rock" my pelvis. Ha. That's wayyyyy too sore.

Limit movement. This is kind of instinctive in the face of pain. But still, it's nice to have it told to you. Do less. Ok!!

Gender predicting

Well, for future reference, the old wives tales that apply to me and my having of a girl are as follows:

I have a high up bump.
I have a sweet tooth.

The old wives tales that (incorrectly) have me with a boy are:

My wedding ring suspended on a thread spins in circles
I haven't put on weight other than the bump
I'm not covered in spots nor do I have lank hair.
Her heartbeat is less than 140.
The Chinese gender chart says I am to have a boy also.

So, one can safely say it's all a load of bull.

My own genius observations are based on last time/this time so could be simply the difference between twins/a singleton.

I haven't gone off the same things. I have gone off coffee a bit, last time I didn't. Last time I went off Coke, this time I am drinking pepsi max to excess. I am able to eat but don't really want to much.

My belly is probably hairier than last time so that can't be attributed to testosterone or twins.

Um. I'm crazy for sweets, last time it was cheese.

I feel relatively human, unlike last time at any stage, but I am way sorer than I was last time.

Talking of which: a moan. My back is killing me and the things I can't do include:
Lie down
Walk
Sit

So standing it is. I am seeing a physio tomorrow so I expect a miracle cure to be produced in the form of a support/pillow/painkillers that don't hurt bubs.

Ha.

We have pretty much decided on what bay will be called, it is the name O would have had if he had been a girl and which is universally acknowledged as a Nice Name. Except by chav person of no taste whatsoever but I take that as a good thing. There's lots of songs about this name, I like that, and I own a lot of them, which I like even more. Although, if I was choosing a name entirely based on a song, she'd be Victoria. Hubby says (facetiously) that she'd be Lola if we're doing (Kinks) songs but I'd be forever stuck on "walks like a woman, talks like a man, that's my Lola", and I don't think I'd be able go introduce her without going "L-o-l-a Lola". No offence to Lola, it's a perfectly lovely name if you like the Kinks less than I do.

Baby may not end up with this name, but she kind of IS it now. The boys were calling her Sarah, but I've gone off that. Although everyone has said "nah, not Sarah" which kind of makes me want it again. But assuming I shall not be hormonal and vile forever more, I shall repress that thought process...

And a moment of pure lunacy

I feel so pleased. I have always imagined a daughter. Although we had decided that we were stopping with two, I could not shake the image of a daughter. Somehow I knew I would be pregnant again, and I knew she would be a girl.

And now I know the life inside me is a girl, and that she is perfect and growing as she should be, and I feel so happy. I wished for twin boys, I wished for a little girl. If I never achieve any other dreams, I will still be content.

But that level of contentment brings with it the worry. Life isn't that kind, surely?

Last night I dreamt I had given birth while I was away, and the people who had delivered my baby didn't tell me for a few days. The baby was fine but I was freaked out and very angry at the people for not telling me. She had been born now, at 20 weeks, and I was most angry that she hadn't been given hospital care. But she was fine. I woke up as I pondered the logic in giving birth while not present, feeling most disturbed. 7am saw me checking the heartbeat.

Possibly just a fear of what may show at the scan. Which was fine.

The other thing that really niggles me is that we weren't trying, I was on the pill, and so I feel a bit that she isn't meant to be and I am cheating somehow. If so, then either she or I will come to grief as the world will be out of balance.

This is 3am logic. As it is not 3am I can reason that both he and I were aware that all was not well with the pill and yet we still went for it, so it could have been a subconscious desire to conceive. If she is meant to be, and we go with that belief then she had to happen. I joke that I wished her into being, I certainly wished for her.

But theres negativity. In the book I just read, a young mother died in childbirth. What actually happened was that she had a placental abruption at 30 weeks and then haemorrhaged. She had a rare blood type and yada yada. She died. I panicked. That could be me. So I looked up rates of maternal morbidity and it's 8 in 10,000, or 100,000 or something. Not very high.

Higher for emergency sections. I am back on the elective section choice for now.

The book featured another mother dying in an accident when her daughter was three and her son a newborn. More freakage from me, I am terrified of dying and leaving my children without a mother at any stage. It even pains me to think of them dealing with it when I am really old and done.

As if the book wasn't done with my worry, the newborn son then died a cot death at 6 months.

I am so happy to be having a daughter. Please let us be together. I'm not sure who I'm asking but I'm in a fate and whatnot frame of mind so who indeed knows? I should re-read Marian Keyes' The Brightest Star in the Sky, that fits with my happy thoughts.

She's a lady!

It is a girl. Mother knows best, in this case where I was right. I am pleased about that, but most importantly all is well.

She has a perfect spine (no
Spina Bifida), a perfect heart (no holes and 4 chambers), a perfect mouth and nose (no cleft), four limbs with the right number of bones in each, she has functioning kidneys and her stomach is just right. All digits present and correct, feet are on at the right angle and generally she's utterly perfect. Oh, and my risk for Downs Syndrome is 1 in 75,000, plus she has a fully formed nose, so we can count that out. They point out that this scan doesn't eliminate all abnormalities but it does count out a lot of the biggies.

I'm fit to gestate also; I have rubella antibodies, I don't have various icky infections, nor do I have syphilis, HIV or hepatitis (there might have been questions asked if I did). As I didn't pay attention last time (and the blood donor service don't want my blood in case of malaria) it's nice to know my blood type is O positive, so I can't reject the baby and if I do bleed profusely they can easily top me up again.

Mother and daughter are well. If all goes to plan, I shall be given an elective section on Monday 26th September 2011.

Scans are amazing. Now she looks like a baby and is confirmed as a she, it all finally feels a bit more real and less theoretical.

She's very wriggly though. I don't anticipate peaceful night times.





That's her all curled into a ball, her legs disappear off above her head.

I'm having a daughter!!! My boys are still "the boys", they don't need to become "the twins", and I'll have my princess.

All set for...






:-D

Watching, waiting, anticipating

Well, it's practically here. The biggie. The scan where they check everything is present and correct and aligned and as should be, and as an incidental bonus to make it more exciting and less scary, they can hopefully reveal THE GENDER.

In 15 hours I shall (hopefully) know. Boy or girl. Will I have another adorable little boy or will I have the daughter I have always imagined?

My bump has gone mad. It's huge, and my bellybutton is out of sight, pointing downwards. I assume it will reappear as the bump grows some more, but it's a bit eek. And I am well and truly out of non maternity clothes, elasticated waists even are tight and uncomfortable. Boo. I weighed myself and I am 9lb heavier than I was at the start of the year. Which is ok for 20 weeks I reckon. I'm about 3 dress sizes bigger; when I was 3 dress sizes bigger I was a good couple of stones more than today. Admittedly that was a bit more evenly spread, I'm me with a fat tummy and giant boobs. Although I do seem to have an unsightly double chin as well, which is horrid. Really, I don't see why we have to be quite so repulsively unattractive during pregnancy. Voluminous body, spotty skin, lumbering movements, continuous all over body hair and stretchmarks. It's delightful. Not to mention being uber grumpy and constantly fatigued, or the inability to pay attention. In addition I seem to have had a sense of humour bypass. I am the least appealing version of me since, well, last time I was pregnant.

Pregnant women who say they feel gorgeous and, worse, men who say they find pregnant women attractive?? LIARS. All of them.

Baby is veh veh active, I am being distinctly booted regularly. Doesn't stop me listening to the heartbeat several times a day though. Obviously. Wriggly little squirmy baby she is, I had better not be kept in the dark as to whether she is a boy.

To do: watch The Apprentice, go to bed, attempt to sleep, take chiddlers to school, go to work for an hour, leave work, go to maternity hospital, collect notes then HAVE SCAN. Spend rest of the day excitedly looking at blue/pink things.

I can't imagine blue.

When I was pregnant with the twins, I said, repeatedly, that I hoped for one of each, that two girls would also be nice and that I hoped against hope it wasn't two boys. When they did the scan they easily identified R's bits, but twin 2 wasnt playing. It took ages and I was thinking, that's the girl, fully expecting the sonographer to say eventually "that one's a girl". When she said "I'm seeing another set of dangly bits" I was instantly delighted and thrilled by the idea of two boys. Pink was rubbished, the Barbie section was vetoed in relief. True story. So if I am in raptures tomorrow at the idea of my third son, it's not fakery.

Last chance to say I think she is a girl though :-)

Almost time to paint the nursery

Except there's no nursery to paint and when we knew for sure we were having two boys we went for pale yellow.

But, this time tomorrow I'll be going to sleep (or not) before Scan Day 2: the return of the ultrasound!!!!!!

Woooo! I am very excited now about the scan as today saw the passing of Presentation Day, which I made a pigs ear of but hey ho, it wasn't assessed.

The lecturer, who knows I am pregnant, stared right at my bump like she couldn't not. I find that a little weird.

Other things that are weird from the "I'm pregnant so I've lost my brain" school of weird: home births.

Why in the world would ANYONE want that??? You'd have to be super tidy and, unlike the people on the tellybox, most people don't actually have a birthing pool sized space in their living room. Hospitals have useful things like, well, doctors. Medicine. Machines of reassurance and life saving. You know the stuff, things you don't have a home. Well, you might have a doctor at home, but most people don't.

I don't get it. Although I don't understand why mothers to be want/do a LOT of things. Number one being rejection of pain relief as they want to "feel the contractions". Right you are. If, which is looking unlikely unless baby makes an early appearance, I do go the natural route, I'd like an epidural on admission.

And so to sleep, for to awaken to the day before the day of the knowledge.

Decisions

There's a lot of decisions to be made.

The biggie: how to give birth. An elective section is my current mode of thinking after further research. TMI to explain why, just nod.

Another fairly large one: where to live. The 2 bed flat is obviously not going to do in the long run, once baby needs her own room, we need a room to put her in. Theoretically we can manage with baby in our room for a year, but... I think not. So when to try and move. Current thinking is to declutter/redecorate/pray and put this on the market and just wait till it sells. Hopefully soon, then we can rent in the shortish term. If that elusive sale isn't in time, we have to rent first and sell this empty. That's expensive obviously so not exactly ideal.

A small decision: what does baby sleep in?
Option one: into the cot straight away. This worked for the boys but there were two of them (early days they shared) and they had their own room.
Option two: the very nice crib that was mine and which has been lingering in our loft forever. No good for twins so we never used it. Smaller than a cot, cute and it rocks. As in, it has a rocking motion, it's not particularly awesome.
Option three: a Moses basket. Handy on account of its portability. Possibly too frou frou.
Option four: all of the above, except I'm not mental.

The ongoing decision is names. Obviously the scan will reveal which type of name we need (5 sleeps!!) as I don't like unisex names, but big decision time if it's a Hubert.

Final decision is when to take maternity leave. Actually, I think the answer is ASAP as I'm struggling a bit.

20 weeks now, that's halfway! If we ignore the two weeks prior to conception. Next week is really halfway between supposed conception and supposed due date but hey ho. It's all rather imprecise.

Much the same as 19 weeks symptomwise. Movements are more recognisable, and very frequent. Back pain is getting rubbish, lying down is v difficult and so sleep is a problem. I have a physio appointment next Monday though so hopefully I'll get advice/props to aid me. I also have pain walking and what not, it's not great. I am a teeny concerned as to how difficult getting to the school and back is going to be when they go back after the summers hols. I'll be 35 weeks or so then. Urgh. I'll need to allow 40 mins each way instead of 5-10.

To push or to be pulled?

In light of a lack of anything specific going on bellywise, I have been mulling over the VBAC option.

And so we have my pros for each option:

Caesarean section benefits:
No risk from traumatic birth or picking up infection/injury on the way out for baby
Quick birth at prearranged time - no mad dash from daddy or babysitters required.
Lack of pain
No ripped bits or forever incontinence.
No chance of an emergency section if elective chosen.

VBAC:
No surgery to recover from - can lift baby and boys, and drive straight away. Even if I'm a bit torn...
Home from hospital quickly.
Baby should breathe better having been squeezed through the birth canal.
Baby should be properly cooked and born when ready - small concerns as to overestimation of dates.
Breastfeeding should happen; labour should trigger colostrum production and so it becomes a possibility. Would be nice to have option.
Saggy udder wouldn't be worsened by second scarring.

Yeah, the last one's a bit vacuous. So is lack of pain as a reason for having a caesarean.

So that's 6:5 in favour of the VBAC.

Hmmm. On a trial basis, am I convinced????

I have plenty time to decide. 34 weeks I have till I have to say. That's 14 and a bit weeks away. I may enquire about parentcraft classes as I didn't pay much attention last time as I was in course for a caesarean when the classes were. I understand they do special VBAC ones, I don't know if they do here.

Oh god. I'm coming over all NCT. Save me...

In case I didn't mention, the next scan is 8 sleeps away. Oooooooh.

Uneventful

Well, yesterday I saw the midwife and... nothing. Blood pressure is fine. Urine is clear. Heartbeat is present and would probably be very reassuring and exciting if I didn't have my own monitor. You know, the doppler that isn't a doppler.

Wrigglesome baby was nashing about all over the place when the midwife was trying to find the heartbeat. I was saying how O had been like that and troublesome at every single appointment whereas R had been calm and still for all. While I was saying this R sat quietly in the corner playing and O walked around, chattered, looked at one toy, then the other and generally demonstrated that he still was the same. Heh heh.

I am a little apprehensive of another O-esque child, I have often wondered how I could have ever coped with O if he didn't have a twin to occupy his attention. When the boys are at school and baby is 2-3 I may just find out. O is the sweetest, most delightful child imaginable but a chilled out independent child like R would be a touch easier.

It may not be an issue, it is looking increasingly likely that I will have a job to return to that works rather nicely, so baby will need childcare for weekday mornings. Or not, I don't earn very much. I should really be looking for a "proper" job because I shall be a graduate engineer by the end of the year. Assuming I complete my dissertation that is but that is In Hand.

As said: uneventful.

VBAC??

I had a chat today with a friend who delivered her second child naturally, following the caesarean birth of her first some years previously. I was of the impression she had a rotten time of it and would be loathe to recommend a VBAC.

On the contrary, she said she'd do it again happily, it was far better. She had it as a trial of labour, which is where they let you go into labour, but will intervene and section if there are any complications.

Which sounds ok. They won't induce you, or they shouldn't, or to put it another way, if it is me they will not be inducing me. I don't know what Forth Park do, but a lot of hospitals constantly monitor the foetus for any signs of distress. The "experts" say that they shouldn't because the likelihood of any complications are lessened the more active a birth can be. "They" also don't recommend epidurals for the same reason, which loses me a bit.

Reasons to intervene and perform a c section include:

Foetal distress
Failure to progress in a sensible time frame
Mother changes her mind about a natural birth

When I hear tales of people who have their children easily, quickly (for a labour) and relatively painfree-ally then I think, well, do I really want unnecessary surgery for no reason? Diabolical it may be, but it is all over once it's over. No big recovery (apart from the ripped bits, ugh). And supposedly you feel dead proud and all that. But supposedly you also feel close to suicide if you cannot breastfeed and I sure don't sign up to that school of thought. I didn't feel bad about any of it last time and I failed all my NCT badges of honour.

Basically, my aim is a healthy baby. It is my considered opinion that I don't want the risks of a failed natural delivery, and so an elective section would remove those risks. But maybe - maybe - a trial of labour would see if the normal/sensible/conventional/nonsurgical method could work, with consultants and what not on hand to operate if required would be a good way to proceed. Maybe.

We'll see what they say at the scan. If the baby's a sensible size, in a sensible position and all looks shiny, I could be persuaded to try on the strict understanding it's a trial not a no-matter-what, and that in the event of going overdue they perform a section rather than leaving me to overcook or any hint of induction.

Possibly. I have a meeting with the consultant at 34 weeks to discuss the birth.

Baby is currently at least two or three centimetres higher than should be. Not mad, confirmed by heartbeat. This can be indicative of a breech position, or placenta praevia - where the placenta covers the cervix, both of which are situations where a section would be essential. So as I say, we'll see what they say at the scan. (We'll not think about the bad things that can be indicated with a large for dates uterus). Most likely it's due to having a stretched and battered uterus having had twins last time.

Or there's a twin in there this time and it was hiding at the scan...

Back to the surface!

Baby obviously* read yesterday's blog as she's right up the surface today. Right above my bellybutton as well so I'm not sure why I'm so high. They say that means a girl but they say that about a lot of things.

*I know.

I thought of a couple of nice boys names today, there is hope. They can obviously still be vetoed but the more I think of the more likely we get one we both like.

Both? Who am I kidding? Approval is required from the junior members of the household also and they have a strong veto.

10 sleeps till next scan!! Which does seem to have come around quickly, despite the perpetual moaning. It's been 6 weeks (and a half) since the dating scan and it's gone an awful lot faster than the 8 weeks from positive test to scan. Partly because there's less to worry about - less, not none - and partly because time goes faster when you don't feel nauseous and vile all the time.

Although sleep would be nice. I am soooooooo uncomfortable lying down, I don't get to sleep until 4 am or so, then awake at 6.

And my sense of smell is still ridiculous. I don't want to smell most smells!!

It's good today. I hope that's a good omen.

Ouchie

Ow. Sore tummy. Had too much lunch, there is no longer room for a large lunch. Ligaments are complaining. All seems well babywise however, nothing ominous and heartbeat present.

Although the heartbeat has been continually as if the baby is far from the surface, a bit muffled the last few days. Still strong, just not as close as it was initially. Instinct is to panic at faintness, but I promised no madness. Baby maybe has learned to shy away from the lumpy thing chasing her around.

Which reminds me of one thing that baffles me about the logic of mad people in their theories about ultrasound: they argue that babies must "hear" the ultrasound as they move away from the source (Doppler?). That to me suggests that the baby is moving away from the large object prodding their living space. But still, any excuse for a good paranoia.

And that's about it for today. 19 weeks as of yesterday and it's... a lot like 18 weeks. This week I have a midwife visit to alleviate paranoia I had three weeks ago, and next week I have my anomaly scan. Which is the gender reveal scan also!!!

Meantime I have a presentation to prepare, following updates may be brief.

Begone intolerable nuisances

Oh I am so intolerant. I can't be bothered with anything trivial or picky or wrong and especially can't be doing with stupidity.

Grumpy grumpy grumpy. Everything has the potential to annoy me. Even the baby, if I can't find her or she's being faint hearted (ba boom).

Really I could do with a cigarette to chill me out. I'm not going to have one however, I couldn't maintain the smugness over others if I did. And there's the risk thing, plus one would lead to a craving for another. I'm not craving one just now, they smell icky off other people, it could potentially help the psychotic grumpiness.

I might try something innocuous. Like, erm, melon. Or maybe not. Ideas on stress relief for people who aren't allowed any known stress relievers another time. When I'm less ratty.

Maybe October.

Symptoms not really notable today. Soreness when moving, excessive thirst, very expanded waistline and a headache. That's about it.

The waistline is a pain, I am neither normal clothed nor maternity sized. Even my fat clothes are too small, but only on the waist, I may add. I am restricted to large sized elastic waists (leggings mostly) and one pair of adjustable maternity linen trousers. Fashion guru I am not.

Naturally, this makes me very cross. Most things do...

Blobby

I made an observation tonight. From the neck up and from the knee down, I am as normal. All that lies in between is pregnant and actively involved in so being. With the exception, perhaps, of my arms.

I fail to see why the entire body needs to limber up for birth/post natal requirements in advance. Baby is not viable for another 5 or 6 weeks, and only just then, so why am I all poised for action? While the relaxed ligaments have provided blessed relief from whiplash pain, the ones elsewhere are not doing their job. It hurts to move, basically, unless done verrrry slowly and carefully. That's unnecessary relaxation for all except the ones actually attached to the uterus, they admittedly are under duress. But slow duress, they don't need to cry out in sudden shock periodically. Which they do.

Although my mango sized baby has to take some of the blame herself, as well as causing it all, endless nashing about doesn't really HELP. I had rather painful somethings earlier and so whipped out the not-really-a-Doppler to check on the old galloping heartbeat of junior. Fleeting moments of heartbeat as baby flurried from womb end to womb start and back and again and again. Possibly causing turbulence and "ooch!" pains. Which have now gone, presumably baby is tired and snoozing.

I did wonder the other day why it is that they sleep so little in utero and so much after birth, then it dawned on me that it's probably a touch more exhausting being out than in. Breathing and feeding and keeping warm and all that may just possibly use energy.

Nothing much happened today, no.

Gender theory

I've been a-reading about nub prediction theory. Supposedly both genders have a "protrusion" at 11-14 weeks, known as a nub. Probably not known by the medical profession as the nub but known anyroad.

Said nub sticks up at 30 degrees if it's a boy, and less than this if it's a girl.

So based on my best ultrasound picture, which is la:



...it's a girl. There's nothing sticking up!! Or maybe there is? The sticky outty bit is at the same angle as the spine. Which means girl. Argh. I wanna know!!

2 weeks time and I should know. Woot!

Her moans

Supergrump alert!!!

Well, I did get good for them, bad for me, job news this morning but I have been most unreasonably grumpy. People talking loudly, things being in my way or wrong, all vastly overreacted to. Luckily only in my head and in a couple of snarls on Facebook, but still. Irrationality rules!!

My head is a bit full of politics today because it is the Scottish elections tomorrow. I shall endeavour to keep this baby related and may dust off the regular blog later.

With regard to the Mamas and Papas buggy I am to inherit, they got back to me about a car seat. The buggy came with a Primo Viaggio, their "amazing" car seat. However, it needed adaptors and they don't sell then any more. So that's that, tough titties.

I have had it with Mamas and Papas and shall be buying nothing from them for this baby.

Issue one: the fact that I have twice been into their store to look at buggies and have twice been utterly ignored, even when the shop was deserted and I was wheeling buggies about.

Issue two: I was mortified when trying to spend my £5 "welcome to Mamas and Papas!!" gift token that was valid for one month, within one month of receipt. I was declined, it had expired puzzlingly. Turned out it was issued a week before I discovered I was pregnant, which would be a fortnight before I ordered any catalogues. Grrr.

Issue three: the tone of the email I received today, stating that too bad, they don't do what I asked (I paraphrase, but only a little).

Issue four: they're incredibly snooty anyway. I am good enough for their shop.

Had they been helpful and had what I needed (adaptors for a system that was previously their standard) I would have purchased adaptors, a car seat, a car seat base and quite likely other things as well. No, they need me to buy a new buggy as well. Perish the thought of reusing.

Although most mothers seem to go through umpteen buggies/prams/strollers for each child, I don't understand that. Oh to be rich and have copious space.

Many things

More buggy hunting. Today I was offered a used mamas and papas all terrain buggy complete with footmuff etc, which is ace (and very kind) but rather massive. So marvellous for any trips to beaches and general walking, not so good for taking in the car. As this is offered gratis, that frees up funds for a lightweight buggy.

Enter the Quinny Senzz. I think that's how you spell it? Solves the ooh-the-Quinny-Zapp-is-ace-and-small-but-a-bit-difficult-yet-the-Zapp-extra-folds-separate-from-the-seat issue by being almost as compact but folding intact. And it has a decent shopping basket. And it comes in burgundy, which is important (but as it has a pink lining does somewhat depend on the baby being female).

So that's today's decision. Plenty time to change my mind again; I have a currently private wish list that I update almost daily with the latest buggy choice.

Today's pregnancy related excitement was to find baby located up beside my belly button. Baby is a very wrigglesome baby indeed, she (unspecific means female - or something) stays in one position for no more than 30 seconds. That may be due to the hard machine prodding it of course. That didn't bother R though, he was chilled and relaxed through each scan. O was a very very wriggly foetus!

I seriously hope baby allows a peek at what gender s/he is, I simply can't wait until the birth. They nearly didn't find out with O at the 20 week scan as he wouldn't stay still. Urg.

Symptom of the moment: backache. I cannot lie on my back, it is veh veh painful. I know this is normal much later on in pregnancy but I'm not sure why now. Tummy lying is out, it just all feels a bit squashed, and lying on my right makes me feel queasy. Happy days. Or nights to be precise, sleep is tricky. I tried a pillow between the legs but that did seem to aggravate the problem last night.

It's ok until I try to lie down. Which makes sleeping easier. Usually.

Assuming it works out with my employer, I plan to take maternity leave as soon as I am entitled to at 29 weeks. I seriously don't think I can handle working, being pregnant and juggling childcare through the summer holidays. Admittedly this creates a problem for next summer if/when I go back, but I will need to have "proper" childcare in place, and I won't be pregnant then.

So, if all tallies with leave and whatnot, I have two months left to work.

That's still ages, even coming off early. And I'll have the joyous third trimester with two 5 year olds at home all day...

On second thoughts I may work through the holidays and sign the boys up for every playscheme going. Maternity leave can start when they go back. Which is the way to sanity??

Her heart beats like a drum doo-doo doo-doo

It arrived as promised yesterday. The Doppler which doesn't appear to use any ultrasound technology to make it a Doppler, which wouldn't display the Doppler effect anyway.

Still, as a heart monitor it's ace.

It is this:







An Angel Sounds Fetal (arrgh) Heart Monitor. £16.99 delivered from Amazon.

I love it. I can easily - or sometimes with a bit of foetal chasing of a very very active baby - find baby's heartbeat which is reassuring and cool, I can also hear the swoosh of the placenta and the baby wriggling about. Makes it all a bit more real and less theoretical.

I envisage the baby as a girl, I think and refer to "she". "He" doesn't compute at all. But as I was quite convinced of twins I can't trust my own instinct. 2 weeks and 5 days till we hopefully find out. I shall cry if we don't and quite probably book a private scan.

It will take us that long to get a boys name, we need to know. Otherwise on day 21 of the baby's life we'll be frantically using Baby Name Genie before rushing off to register Hubert Algernon.

I think it's a girl. A boy would be fine, makes hand me downs (and teenage angst) easier, but I feel like (and hope) it's a girl. A bit. Girls do scare me somewhat, I won't be too upset if I get another boy, it'll still be a baby and health is paramount.

I do have a very hairy tummy. Not the whole thing, just the bit down from the navel. Conflicting old wives tales state that this means a girl or a boy. I had it with the twins (and am pleased to report that it disappeared before I thought to check after birth), although I'm SURE it wasn't as bad as this. I put the excessive hair sproutage down to two little testosterone pumps, but even if it is a boy it's just the one, so the theory comes down to: it's what I (or my hormones/hair follicles) do when I'm pregnant. The hair on my head is looking lush and healthy so it's not all bad.

I know, TMI. Sorry. Also, nobody that isn't either responsible for the pregnancy or a health professional is going to see the tummy (ever) so it matters not.

Back to gender predicting: the old wives tales can't decide. Wedding ring says boy, sweet cravings say girl. Clear skin means boys, but I had vile spots with twin boys. The Chinese chart says boy, but it also said boy for a fellow Oct 1st mummy to be, and she's having a girl.

I guess I need to wait and see. I know I won't care, I just want to KNOW.