Oh, this is the tedious bit.
I don't feel better, I feel super tired super grumpy, and while I feel nauseous less often, I feel much more so when I do, sometimes actually spewing.
So that's a lie. Pfft to the second semester wellness. I had to take yesterday off and spend it in bed just to function. Yippee.
I continue to have a bloated stomach of slowed down bowels and doughnuts/toast/sweets (only put on 4lb??) so it's a bit hard to tell if I'm showing for real. I sure look pregnant, but it's not real. Even if it's mighty weird - periodically my whole abdomen goes really tight. I know you can experience Braxton Hicks from early on but I would have expected that to be restricted to the uterus, which is currently lost in there somewhere.
I may look up what Braxton Hicks actually are. I don't remember that from before, but I was so obviously pregnant and very very miserable I possibly didn't notice. And that was my halcyonic first pregnancy in an unbattered uterus.
I have a permanent sour taste in my mouth. It's not nice.
The wait bit alluded to: it's 7 weeks today before anything happens. That's two weeks less than it's been since I found out I was pregnant. Which was aeons ago. That's when the anomaly scan is and until then I see noone unless hypochondria or something real and bad happens. Wah. And between now and then I have to shape my dissertation into something for a 15 minute presentation. Which is my idea of HELL and as I shall be over 19 weeks by then (it's the same week as the scan) I will be looking distinctly fecund.
I hope to feel lovely reassuring movement soon. I feel little bubbles of movement but they might well be non foetal. I want positive foetal kicking please.
I am not buying a Doppler. I'd go proper mad. Although I'm not sure listening for a heartbeat with my son's toy stethoscope qualifies me as sane.
Thursday 31 March 2011
Tuesday 29 March 2011
Worse!!???!!
Well, today, at 13+3 weeks pregnant, we have a peak of the nausea. Building up all day to a crescendo of actual vomit at teatime. The joys!
I feel positively dreadful. And very tired. And very very sick.
Today's worry: it's something more ominous than morning sickness. Which it almost certainly isn't, it's a lot like morning sickness just worse.
I felt better for about half a day. Yuk yuk yuk.
I am predicting a day in bed to be required tomorrow. Oh I hurt. Oh I feel sick. Oh oh oh.
Poor me. I do hope this is still a positive sign for baby.
I feel positively dreadful. And very tired. And very very sick.
Today's worry: it's something more ominous than morning sickness. Which it almost certainly isn't, it's a lot like morning sickness just worse.
I felt better for about half a day. Yuk yuk yuk.
I am predicting a day in bed to be required tomorrow. Oh I hurt. Oh I feel sick. Oh oh oh.
Poor me. I do hope this is still a positive sign for baby.
Sunday 27 March 2011
12 and 13 weeks
Well, I am now 12 and 13 weeks. 12 because I know my cycles, 13 according to scan measurements. Almost everyone I know gets moved forward a week, and most go "overdue". Methinks its an imprecise science, especially as I was given one slightly undercooked twin 5 years ago, delivered 14 days before his original due date.
Anyway, I like being further on, it makes things happen sooner.
Symptoms and obsessions at what is now 13 weeks:
Boobs are mighty sore. Will this ever stop? They definitely didn't do that this month. O has an ear infection so has needed much cuddling and ooh it hurts if he lies against a boob. They may be better equipped for the old breastfeeding malarky which I am prepared to undertake if it works and on the strict proviso of top up formula at the first sign of two hourly feeds past the first week.
Said ear infection did make me think, supposedly breastfeeding protects against infections and bottle fed O does get rather a lot. Then again, so always have breastfed I. Who knows? I do still maintain that no child would wish to share my immune system a second longer than necessary and the twins (for that is how they are now known since the number of babies inside has been shown to be less than two) knew better than to drink from the antibody/nutrient deficient source.
Decision to breastfeed does depend rather a lot on whether the whiplash pain returns after the birth. There is no way I can survive on occasional paracetamol if the pain comes back, which it may or may not.
Why the obsession? Why, I have been to the hospital now. I have in my possession one book all about how to/why to and how to overcome the endless difficulties, (Easy? Really?) one DVD about how utterly great it is and numerous breastfeeding goodies. Including some breast pads. Lovely! But I do need them even if only fleetingly as the milk pops in then out considerably after birth as before (but see above for mental breasts limbering up many months too early).
The nausea is now restricted to only when I'm properly hungry. But I don't fancy much (other than unpasteurised cheese or pate, obvs) and I get to the hungry and nauseous stage of not wanting to eat versus knowing that if I do eat I'll feel better.
Thing I fancy eating:
Sweets, especially fizzy ones. Although, who knew gummy bears were so good? (I don't usually eat sweets, it's a whole new world and I do have to keep hiding them from the children who don't get many and who do not need to see their mother eat them by the pound)
Crisps, but only vinegary ones
Anything I'm not allowed in pregnancy almost without exception
Some undefined cheese based thing I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe a cheese scone?
Cheese of most types, on cream crackers.
And that's about it. Nutritious huh?
Given my inaccurate feelings of twins, I am giving no credence to my current conviction that baby is a girl. I think she/he has a feminine face, and she looked like an Emma. Yeah, go on, mock me...
7 weeks or so till I find out. Then 19 weeks or so to think up a boys name if required. Boys today suggested Roger or Finbar. Er, no.
I'm quietly confident on no anomalies based on the glorious health at Friday's scan. Acknowledging such immediately makes me panic on the whole tempting fate train of thought. But no, we shall worry not.
Worry remains restricted mostly to the sudden death of the child, which never really wears off. Worry of miscarriage becomes worry of stillbirth, then cot death, then some type of accident. I've seen my little wriggler, it's a person now and to lose that would be devastating.
And that about does the week that wasn't.
Anyway, I like being further on, it makes things happen sooner.
Symptoms and obsessions at what is now 13 weeks:
Boobs are mighty sore. Will this ever stop? They definitely didn't do that this month. O has an ear infection so has needed much cuddling and ooh it hurts if he lies against a boob. They may be better equipped for the old breastfeeding malarky which I am prepared to undertake if it works and on the strict proviso of top up formula at the first sign of two hourly feeds past the first week.
Said ear infection did make me think, supposedly breastfeeding protects against infections and bottle fed O does get rather a lot. Then again, so always have breastfed I. Who knows? I do still maintain that no child would wish to share my immune system a second longer than necessary and the twins (for that is how they are now known since the number of babies inside has been shown to be less than two) knew better than to drink from the antibody/nutrient deficient source.
Decision to breastfeed does depend rather a lot on whether the whiplash pain returns after the birth. There is no way I can survive on occasional paracetamol if the pain comes back, which it may or may not.
Why the obsession? Why, I have been to the hospital now. I have in my possession one book all about how to/why to and how to overcome the endless difficulties, (Easy? Really?) one DVD about how utterly great it is and numerous breastfeeding goodies. Including some breast pads. Lovely! But I do need them even if only fleetingly as the milk pops in then out considerably after birth as before (but see above for mental breasts limbering up many months too early).
The nausea is now restricted to only when I'm properly hungry. But I don't fancy much (other than unpasteurised cheese or pate, obvs) and I get to the hungry and nauseous stage of not wanting to eat versus knowing that if I do eat I'll feel better.
Thing I fancy eating:
Sweets, especially fizzy ones. Although, who knew gummy bears were so good? (I don't usually eat sweets, it's a whole new world and I do have to keep hiding them from the children who don't get many and who do not need to see their mother eat them by the pound)
Crisps, but only vinegary ones
Anything I'm not allowed in pregnancy almost without exception
Some undefined cheese based thing I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe a cheese scone?
Cheese of most types, on cream crackers.
And that's about it. Nutritious huh?
Given my inaccurate feelings of twins, I am giving no credence to my current conviction that baby is a girl. I think she/he has a feminine face, and she looked like an Emma. Yeah, go on, mock me...
7 weeks or so till I find out. Then 19 weeks or so to think up a boys name if required. Boys today suggested Roger or Finbar. Er, no.
I'm quietly confident on no anomalies based on the glorious health at Friday's scan. Acknowledging such immediately makes me panic on the whole tempting fate train of thought. But no, we shall worry not.
Worry remains restricted mostly to the sudden death of the child, which never really wears off. Worry of miscarriage becomes worry of stillbirth, then cot death, then some type of accident. I've seen my little wriggler, it's a person now and to lose that would be devastating.
And that about does the week that wasn't.
Friday 25 March 2011
Worry over
Well as predicted in my more positive moments, there's one baby and a healthy one to boot.
Much wriggling and a good heartbeat, a low risk for Downs on the nuchal translucency scan (and there is a nasal bone present which means not Downs) and everything is very good.
My new due date is 01/10/11 so although I was 12 weeks today, I have moved forward to 12 weeks 6 and will be 13 weeks tomorrow.
I had to wait around for almost an hour after I arrived with a very full bladder, which was unpleasant - but did mean I missed work altogether. My bladder was so full my baby was up at my waist when the sonographer was scanning! I had to empty some to allow the nuchal scan and it was still full after emptying about a bladderful.
I feel so happy, no twins so we can all fit in a regular car and I can do swimming and the likes, and above all else a healthy baby.
One concern: baby was very wriggly. O was wriggly and R was calm in scans. Ois a very hyper child, this may well be another hyper child.
As long as he/she (I think she) is as sweet as he is then it's ok though.
A doctor recommended a VBAC, I did not agree. We discussed and she wrote down that I understood and that I wanted a section. Phew. I've to discuss again at 34 weeks. Still want a section!
Much wriggling and a good heartbeat, a low risk for Downs on the nuchal translucency scan (and there is a nasal bone present which means not Downs) and everything is very good.
My new due date is 01/10/11 so although I was 12 weeks today, I have moved forward to 12 weeks 6 and will be 13 weeks tomorrow.
I had to wait around for almost an hour after I arrived with a very full bladder, which was unpleasant - but did mean I missed work altogether. My bladder was so full my baby was up at my waist when the sonographer was scanning! I had to empty some to allow the nuchal scan and it was still full after emptying about a bladderful.
I feel so happy, no twins so we can all fit in a regular car and I can do swimming and the likes, and above all else a healthy baby.
One concern: baby was very wriggly. O was wriggly and R was calm in scans. Ois a very hyper child, this may well be another hyper child.
As long as he/she (I think she) is as sweet as he is then it's ok though.
A doctor recommended a VBAC, I did not agree. We discussed and she wrote down that I understood and that I wanted a section. Phew. I've to discuss again at 34 weeks. Still want a section!
Thursday 24 March 2011
Fraught
Oh, I'm a bit worked up.
1 sleep to go. So, boys to bed, tea, bit of TV, maybe a bath, then bed probably not with sleep, then get up, drink lots of water and head to maternity hospital for 9.45.
Aaaaaaaaaargh. It's basically here.
It's only a scan. The probability of there being one perfectly healthy baby in there is very high, as I keep saying, but that doesn't stop the panic.
Two. None. Three. Deformities. None. Two. Tumour. Aaaaaargh.
One. Healthy. Likely.
I feel stupendously pregnant today. Sore, nauseous to extremes, vast chested, fatigued, slow. Wriggles from below are surely foetal. All seems well.
I'm still panicky. Right now I could really go a cigarette. I'm not going to have one, obviously, but I need some sort of crutch and I don't think gummy bears (oh yes) will cut it. Gummy bears it is though.
Are they gummi? I don't care.
Breathe. Breathe. Eat sweets. Breathe. Don't be sick. Maybe be sick?
1 sleep to go. So, boys to bed, tea, bit of TV, maybe a bath, then bed probably not with sleep, then get up, drink lots of water and head to maternity hospital for 9.45.
Aaaaaaaaaargh. It's basically here.
It's only a scan. The probability of there being one perfectly healthy baby in there is very high, as I keep saying, but that doesn't stop the panic.
Two. None. Three. Deformities. None. Two. Tumour. Aaaaaargh.
One. Healthy. Likely.
I feel stupendously pregnant today. Sore, nauseous to extremes, vast chested, fatigued, slow. Wriggles from below are surely foetal. All seems well.
I'm still panicky. Right now I could really go a cigarette. I'm not going to have one, obviously, but I need some sort of crutch and I don't think gummy bears (oh yes) will cut it. Gummy bears it is though.
Are they gummi? I don't care.
Breathe. Breathe. Eat sweets. Breathe. Don't be sick. Maybe be sick?
Wednesday 23 March 2011
Anticipating the worst
Aside from the perpetual nausea that I've almost stopped noticing, I feel a different kind of sick today.
Each time I think about the scan I feel ill, short of breath and kind of faint. Which is approximately once every five minutes, for five minutes.
I am no longer concerned by number of foetuses. What I am terrified of is that they tell me there are no healthy babies inside me.
Fear one: no heartbeat/foetus
Fear two: something obviously wrong, an non-viable foetus.
Fear three: nuchal scanning flags up a high risk.
Right now there could be several in there and as long as they all have heartbeats and the correct quota of organs and chromosomes I don't care. I just want healthy!!
Once I've established there's a heartbeat etc I'll get onto worrying about any anomalies. What gender my precious bundle turns out to be is of no consequence at all, just as long as they're well.
One little girl would be nice. One little boy would be nice. Two little girls would be nice. One girl, one boy would be nice. Two little boys would be nice. JUST AS LONG AS THEY ARE OK.
I can't stop obsessing about missed miscarriages. I still feel pregnant. I still test pregnant. I so want to still be pregnant.
2 sleeps now.
Each time I think about the scan I feel ill, short of breath and kind of faint. Which is approximately once every five minutes, for five minutes.
I am no longer concerned by number of foetuses. What I am terrified of is that they tell me there are no healthy babies inside me.
Fear one: no heartbeat/foetus
Fear two: something obviously wrong, an non-viable foetus.
Fear three: nuchal scanning flags up a high risk.
Right now there could be several in there and as long as they all have heartbeats and the correct quota of organs and chromosomes I don't care. I just want healthy!!
Once I've established there's a heartbeat etc I'll get onto worrying about any anomalies. What gender my precious bundle turns out to be is of no consequence at all, just as long as they're well.
One little girl would be nice. One little boy would be nice. Two little girls would be nice. One girl, one boy would be nice. Two little boys would be nice. JUST AS LONG AS THEY ARE OK.
I can't stop obsessing about missed miscarriages. I still feel pregnant. I still test pregnant. I so want to still be pregnant.
2 sleeps now.
Tuesday 22 March 2011
Twin buggy?
Well. 3 sleeps, or lack thereof.
I have spent considerable time today looking at double buggies.
And they are way cooler than when we were buying last time. Current fave is the Baby Jogger City Select with second seat. It's a tad pricey though.
More convinced on the twins thing - the newly popped uterus is rather substantial.
Symtomwise I've felt pretty ghastly today; on several occasions (including right now) I've been sure I'm going to actually throw up. That's not good, other than being v positive for health of any babies.
I don't want more twins.
Then again, I quite do as the early tricky stage is so quick and it'd be lovely to have twins to be twinny with each other and the existing twins could have a baby each to cuddle. Which would be well cute. I think I'll be a bit disappointed either way.
I know. Mad as a mad thing.
As long as any babies are healthy that's all that really matters. Within reason. Triplets would be bad.
Gaviscon and or a wee vomit required. Then I shall attempt to have sleep one of three.
I have spent considerable time today looking at double buggies.
And they are way cooler than when we were buying last time. Current fave is the Baby Jogger City Select with second seat. It's a tad pricey though.
More convinced on the twins thing - the newly popped uterus is rather substantial.
Symtomwise I've felt pretty ghastly today; on several occasions (including right now) I've been sure I'm going to actually throw up. That's not good, other than being v positive for health of any babies.
I don't want more twins.
Then again, I quite do as the early tricky stage is so quick and it'd be lovely to have twins to be twinny with each other and the existing twins could have a baby each to cuddle. Which would be well cute. I think I'll be a bit disappointed either way.
I know. Mad as a mad thing.
As long as any babies are healthy that's all that really matters. Within reason. Triplets would be bad.
Gaviscon and or a wee vomit required. Then I shall attempt to have sleep one of three.
Monday 21 March 2011
Snippets
Soooooooooo tired.
Sooooooooo sicky.
Boobs sooooooooo sore.
Head soooooooo achy, as is neck a bit today - not fair.
It's meant to get better after 10 weeks. This is not better.
Good news: uterus is present and palpable. Woo. Growth continues, bad news less likely.
4 sleeps. 4!! That's like nearly none. It's really soon. No more weeks, it's just "on Friday" now. 3 more days at work. 4 sleeps, or going to bed-ings anyway.
And then it'll be x weeks till any tests and about 7 weeks till the anomaly scan, so that's up to 7 weeks of worry about abnormalities.
But this week we are worrying about the existence of any babies.
Sooooooooo sicky.
Boobs sooooooooo sore.
Head soooooooo achy, as is neck a bit today - not fair.
It's meant to get better after 10 weeks. This is not better.
Good news: uterus is present and palpable. Woo. Growth continues, bad news less likely.
4 sleeps. 4!! That's like nearly none. It's really soon. No more weeks, it's just "on Friday" now. 3 more days at work. 4 sleeps, or going to bed-ings anyway.
And then it'll be x weeks till any tests and about 7 weeks till the anomaly scan, so that's up to 7 weeks of worry about abnormalities.
But this week we are worrying about the existence of any babies.
Sunday 20 March 2011
This week!
Well, since ever I found out I was pregnant, or to be more precise, since ever I started feeling pregnant - tired, sick, intolerant - I have found going to work a chore. It just occurred to me as I was having the Sunday evening blues, that as I wish away this week till Friday, this Friday is scan day! The days I wish away anyway will be gone and I'll be there.
And I pretty much won't have to work on Friday as the scan will take most of the morning - I work 9.30 till 12.30 and the scan is at 9.45 for 2 hours. So I shall pop in after, update the necessaries and show off my scan picture of my healthy singleton, and leave again after half an hour or so. Huzzah for paid antenatal appointments.
I incidentally won't be going to work after if it's a swift scan with bad news, I'll be having a meltdown. I may also be having a breakdown if it's multiples.
I'm not sure what I'll think about after Friday. I guess I'll have results to worry about, then possibly further tests, plus general worry and complaining. I don't recall ever letting up the worry or the complaining when I was pregnant.
The worry goes:
trimester one: don't bleed, don't miscarry;
trimester two: don't just die, don't be broken, please keep kicking me;
trimester three: keep up that kicking now, come out safely, don't be broken, don't die, don't kill me either.
The complaining goes:
trimester one: I feel sick, I'm tired, I hurt, I can't sleep, ooh my breasts hurt;
Trimester two: I still feel sick, I'm still tired, I still hurt, I'm not blooming, I still can't sleep;
Trimester three: I have chronic indigestion and the stomach capacity of a mouse, breathing isn't so easy, everything is too much effort, I'm still very tired, I haven't slept in weeks, I can't lie on my back or front or right side, actually everything hurts, I've been pregnant forever, I want it to be over.
Yeah, I guess there's lots to say, even if it is a tad repetitive.
I am currently in the bath - wooo! still novel after 21 months unable to. I tend to have a bath at the same time of day most nights, and each bath I can feel a distinct flurry of something going on. I don't know if it's baby moving or not, but it's both reassuring and nice. I may be deriving comfort from some wind but it sure feels like tiny foetal acrobatics. It doesn't happen any other time other than in the bath and I remember the bath was the best time for movements with the boys. So here's hoping. Here's not hoping the fact that I can feel it means it's twins. The existing twins have bickered and wound each other up all day today and the thought of another twosome just does not appeal!
5 sleeps.
And I pretty much won't have to work on Friday as the scan will take most of the morning - I work 9.30 till 12.30 and the scan is at 9.45 for 2 hours. So I shall pop in after, update the necessaries and show off my scan picture of my healthy singleton, and leave again after half an hour or so. Huzzah for paid antenatal appointments.
I incidentally won't be going to work after if it's a swift scan with bad news, I'll be having a meltdown. I may also be having a breakdown if it's multiples.
I'm not sure what I'll think about after Friday. I guess I'll have results to worry about, then possibly further tests, plus general worry and complaining. I don't recall ever letting up the worry or the complaining when I was pregnant.
The worry goes:
trimester one: don't bleed, don't miscarry;
trimester two: don't just die, don't be broken, please keep kicking me;
trimester three: keep up that kicking now, come out safely, don't be broken, don't die, don't kill me either.
The complaining goes:
trimester one: I feel sick, I'm tired, I hurt, I can't sleep, ooh my breasts hurt;
Trimester two: I still feel sick, I'm still tired, I still hurt, I'm not blooming, I still can't sleep;
Trimester three: I have chronic indigestion and the stomach capacity of a mouse, breathing isn't so easy, everything is too much effort, I'm still very tired, I haven't slept in weeks, I can't lie on my back or front or right side, actually everything hurts, I've been pregnant forever, I want it to be over.
Yeah, I guess there's lots to say, even if it is a tad repetitive.
I am currently in the bath - wooo! still novel after 21 months unable to. I tend to have a bath at the same time of day most nights, and each bath I can feel a distinct flurry of something going on. I don't know if it's baby moving or not, but it's both reassuring and nice. I may be deriving comfort from some wind but it sure feels like tiny foetal acrobatics. It doesn't happen any other time other than in the bath and I remember the bath was the best time for movements with the boys. So here's hoping. Here's not hoping the fact that I can feel it means it's twins. The existing twins have bickered and wound each other up all day today and the thought of another twosome just does not appeal!
5 sleeps.
Saturday 19 March 2011
6 sleeps!
Less than a week to go till scan, I can cope. And then they will tell me if all is well and single, or not. And I will know. Then nothing will change, I'll just know; it isn't an end point, it's just a stage.
Well, it hopefully isn't an end point anyway.
I can't feel my uterus. This doesn't mean it's not above the pubic line, it means I can't feel it. I don't think it's up high though, which means probably not twins. I do however feel little flutterings that could be movement which is very early and would be indicative of twins. And there is the fact that my bowels etc are currently located at the top of my ribs or thereabouts so that suggests a reshuffle is going on. Which it will be. But I can't tell what's there and what isn't usually there.
Symptoms remain sort of peaking. I have been exhausted today and spent most of it lying down, interspersed with nausea and the need to eat, along with the requisite hourly visits to the toilet. Boobs look nothing like themselves, as yesterday's changes remain.
So it doesn't look like anything's wearing off anyway. That's good, even if it makes me feel diabolical.
Next necessary purchases: nightwear and underwear. Both causing discomfort, and I've not started the grand expansion yet. Yikes. There are benefits to having your firstborn: no children to look after and a nice unscathed body with no scarring to be irritated by waistbands.
Just a moaning aside.
Well, it hopefully isn't an end point anyway.
I can't feel my uterus. This doesn't mean it's not above the pubic line, it means I can't feel it. I don't think it's up high though, which means probably not twins. I do however feel little flutterings that could be movement which is very early and would be indicative of twins. And there is the fact that my bowels etc are currently located at the top of my ribs or thereabouts so that suggests a reshuffle is going on. Which it will be. But I can't tell what's there and what isn't usually there.
Symptoms remain sort of peaking. I have been exhausted today and spent most of it lying down, interspersed with nausea and the need to eat, along with the requisite hourly visits to the toilet. Boobs look nothing like themselves, as yesterday's changes remain.
So it doesn't look like anything's wearing off anyway. That's good, even if it makes me feel diabolical.
Next necessary purchases: nightwear and underwear. Both causing discomfort, and I've not started the grand expansion yet. Yikes. There are benefits to having your firstborn: no children to look after and a nice unscathed body with no scarring to be irritated by waistbands.
Just a moaning aside.
Friday 18 March 2011
11 weeks
And so we begin week 12...
Symptoms: today I have felt particularly nauseous, which I did hope to be easing a bit. Not so today, smells were bad and I actually thought I was going to throw up at one point. Boobs have gone mad, muchos sensitive today and the colour has changed and spread. They are covered in the little tiny bumps called Montgomery Tubercles which look like mould. Lovely stuff.
I had my midwife booking in visit today at the house. All fairly uneventful, but I did discover:
Forth Park (the maternity hospital) now do Nuchal Fold screening as standard. Which checks the fold of skin at the back of the neck; if thickened it can be indicative of Downs. They also do the blood test for Downs/Spina Bifida at the initial scan. So any risk should show up early and hey, what fun to have new worries. No. That's not the point. The point is to have more invasive but conclusive tests if a high risk is present.
This is where I get a bit twitchy about being "over 35". Only just over 35, I think my Downs risk is about 1 in 400. As my husband rightly pointed out, if I had 400 babies 1 would have Downs.
The other thing I discovered was that if I don't want a VBAC and really want another Caesarean, they will do what I want. That doesn't mean they won't heavily lean on me to change my mind but it is reassuring to have the final say.
7 sleeps now.
Symptoms: today I have felt particularly nauseous, which I did hope to be easing a bit. Not so today, smells were bad and I actually thought I was going to throw up at one point. Boobs have gone mad, muchos sensitive today and the colour has changed and spread. They are covered in the little tiny bumps called Montgomery Tubercles which look like mould. Lovely stuff.
I had my midwife booking in visit today at the house. All fairly uneventful, but I did discover:
Forth Park (the maternity hospital) now do Nuchal Fold screening as standard. Which checks the fold of skin at the back of the neck; if thickened it can be indicative of Downs. They also do the blood test for Downs/Spina Bifida at the initial scan. So any risk should show up early and hey, what fun to have new worries. No. That's not the point. The point is to have more invasive but conclusive tests if a high risk is present.
This is where I get a bit twitchy about being "over 35". Only just over 35, I think my Downs risk is about 1 in 400. As my husband rightly pointed out, if I had 400 babies 1 would have Downs.
The other thing I discovered was that if I don't want a VBAC and really want another Caesarean, they will do what I want. That doesn't mean they won't heavily lean on me to change my mind but it is reassuring to have the final say.
7 sleeps now.
Thursday 17 March 2011
Can't breathe, won't breathe
Cough is vile. Can't breathe so well and back aches from coughing so much. Tomorrow shall see me attempt to see a medic. This not good, need to breathe. No it's not viral, it feels totally bacterial. Wish me luck.
Sickness rather excessive today. Feeling not being though, so I should be grateful. Melon may be nice but it does not stave the nausea the way sausages can.
Mmmmm. Sausages and bacon. Lovely. That's supper sorted.
Yes, I don't eat red meat. Usually. This is not usual and I do it for taste reasons rather than ethical so if I'm not off it, bring on the bacon. I don't eat fish for ethical reasons, that's quite different, I do occasionally have to remind myself that I don't eat scallops.
Mind is in a weird place, I absolutely cannot get beyond next week's scan in my mind.
Possible outcomes are as follows (in order of expectation):
1) multiple pregnancy
2) lack of any heartbeat
3) heartbeat present, foetus not viable
4) one healthy baby
I don't need to point out that 4) is the most likely, but it is my least anticipated. I am going mad. I don't think it feels real yet, seeing a real living foetus on ultrasound will presumably make it real. And confirm whether or not there's any viable pregnancy going on in there never mind two.
Midwife visit tomorrow (after doc for cough) - maybe that will make it more real. I live in hope.
8 sleeps.
Sickness rather excessive today. Feeling not being though, so I should be grateful. Melon may be nice but it does not stave the nausea the way sausages can.
Mmmmm. Sausages and bacon. Lovely. That's supper sorted.
Yes, I don't eat red meat. Usually. This is not usual and I do it for taste reasons rather than ethical so if I'm not off it, bring on the bacon. I don't eat fish for ethical reasons, that's quite different, I do occasionally have to remind myself that I don't eat scallops.
Mind is in a weird place, I absolutely cannot get beyond next week's scan in my mind.
Possible outcomes are as follows (in order of expectation):
1) multiple pregnancy
2) lack of any heartbeat
3) heartbeat present, foetus not viable
4) one healthy baby
I don't need to point out that 4) is the most likely, but it is my least anticipated. I am going mad. I don't think it feels real yet, seeing a real living foetus on ultrasound will presumably make it real. And confirm whether or not there's any viable pregnancy going on in there never mind two.
Midwife visit tomorrow (after doc for cough) - maybe that will make it more real. I live in hope.
8 sleeps.
Wednesday 16 March 2011
One week, two days...
I can't wait! I can't wait! The scan is next Friday and I am so excited. Although this week is proving verrrrrrrry long and I suspect next week will be worse.
9 sleeps, including the one I'm about to have.
This Friday the midwife is coming to visit. I have seen her already (back in the first week of knowing) and this is my proper booking visit. Although as it's in my home, I'm guessing I won't be weighed or have all my bodily fluids checked for deficiencies.
Approaching 11 weeks and this is how it is healthwise:
Cold has gone, but a vile cough remains. Turns out non drowsy cough medicines of the linctus variety are ok for pregnant ladies and are remarkably effective in a well-I've-stopped-for-now manner. They're not Original Benylin but they do allow cessation of coughing long enough to breathe.
Symptoms of growing a baby at 10 weeks + 5: unbelievabubbly tired, despite sleeping better at night. Sickness is more in waves than a progressive worsening. My boobies are now less sensitive and although huge, don't ache so much. Stomach is a vast expanse of bulgingness that makes me look much pregnanter than I am, and which I don't really understand. I don't think I can feel my uterus under the udder, but I'm not sure. The udder is much pushed forward by something. Bowels? Triplets?
The other October 2011 ladies on iVillage say they can feel a hard lump, I don't think I can. Or maybe I can, I can't tell. You're not meant to be able to feel it above the pelvis till 12 weeks, so that's a good indication it's NOT twins. Unless it's quite high and I can't tell. Who knows?
For two/three days I had a very sore back, possibly caused by (minimal) housework on Sunday. Muchos pain of the tailbone, which made walking tricky, sitting painful and bending a thing of the past. It's still a wee bit twingy but mostly ok, being able to have a bath is most wondrous in times of backache. The Hypochondriac in Me (aka HIM) diagnosed an incarcerated uterus, or at the very least a tilted (retroverted) uterus, which would push against the spine instead of rising up out of the pelvis.
Cure: lie on front. Have done. Got better. Still can't feel uterus: HIM concludes that the foetus must have stopped growing.
Oh shut up!! Yesterday's test (just checking) said 3+ weeks very quickly so my levels are still very high.
And where was I? Ah yes. Backache.
It is a little strange to have backache; having been dosed up on some type of morphine based painkillers for over 18 months, other aches and pains were masked and unnoticed. Now - I have twinges and niggles. Boo.
I have done very few school runs this last week. Hubby can be ace.
Current "craving": bacon. Yummy.
9 sleeps, including the one I'm about to have.
This Friday the midwife is coming to visit. I have seen her already (back in the first week of knowing) and this is my proper booking visit. Although as it's in my home, I'm guessing I won't be weighed or have all my bodily fluids checked for deficiencies.
Approaching 11 weeks and this is how it is healthwise:
Cold has gone, but a vile cough remains. Turns out non drowsy cough medicines of the linctus variety are ok for pregnant ladies and are remarkably effective in a well-I've-stopped-for-now manner. They're not Original Benylin but they do allow cessation of coughing long enough to breathe.
Symptoms of growing a baby at 10 weeks + 5: unbelievabubbly tired, despite sleeping better at night. Sickness is more in waves than a progressive worsening. My boobies are now less sensitive and although huge, don't ache so much. Stomach is a vast expanse of bulgingness that makes me look much pregnanter than I am, and which I don't really understand. I don't think I can feel my uterus under the udder, but I'm not sure. The udder is much pushed forward by something. Bowels? Triplets?
The other October 2011 ladies on iVillage say they can feel a hard lump, I don't think I can. Or maybe I can, I can't tell. You're not meant to be able to feel it above the pelvis till 12 weeks, so that's a good indication it's NOT twins. Unless it's quite high and I can't tell. Who knows?
For two/three days I had a very sore back, possibly caused by (minimal) housework on Sunday. Muchos pain of the tailbone, which made walking tricky, sitting painful and bending a thing of the past. It's still a wee bit twingy but mostly ok, being able to have a bath is most wondrous in times of backache. The Hypochondriac in Me (aka HIM) diagnosed an incarcerated uterus, or at the very least a tilted (retroverted) uterus, which would push against the spine instead of rising up out of the pelvis.
Cure: lie on front. Have done. Got better. Still can't feel uterus: HIM concludes that the foetus must have stopped growing.
Oh shut up!! Yesterday's test (just checking) said 3+ weeks very quickly so my levels are still very high.
And where was I? Ah yes. Backache.
It is a little strange to have backache; having been dosed up on some type of morphine based painkillers for over 18 months, other aches and pains were masked and unnoticed. Now - I have twinges and niggles. Boo.
I have done very few school runs this last week. Hubby can be ace.
Current "craving": bacon. Yummy.
Saturday 12 March 2011
Brainwashing
I'm feeling got at already, by Other Mothers, having not yet been to a clinic to be bombarded with the message:
Breast is best.
Breast is best.
Breast is best.
I get it.
The main refrain: Ohhhh, breast feeding is sooo much easier.
Oh yeah? Than, erm, sleeping through the night and NOT doing night feeds at all? Than going 4 hours between feeds almost from the start? Than having a definitely thriving child and know it for sure?
I will make an informed choice. Thank you for your input.
Being obsessed with baby programmes I see two things regularly that I don't see why anyone would WANT to do either:
1) natural childbirth.
2) breastfeeding.
There is valid reason for both but I do not understand why it is not a grudging acceptance that they are better as opposed to a DESIRED outcome. Women WANT these things, they want the painful unpleasant options. Really? You're not just saying that?
We get brainwashed, virtually from conception. Natural is best. Do not deviate from Natural.
Yada yada.
Desired outcome: healthy child. Nothing else really matters.
Breast is best.
Breast is best.
Breast is best.
I get it.
The main refrain: Ohhhh, breast feeding is sooo much easier.
Oh yeah? Than, erm, sleeping through the night and NOT doing night feeds at all? Than going 4 hours between feeds almost from the start? Than having a definitely thriving child and know it for sure?
I will make an informed choice. Thank you for your input.
Being obsessed with baby programmes I see two things regularly that I don't see why anyone would WANT to do either:
1) natural childbirth.
2) breastfeeding.
There is valid reason for both but I do not understand why it is not a grudging acceptance that they are better as opposed to a DESIRED outcome. Women WANT these things, they want the painful unpleasant options. Really? You're not just saying that?
We get brainwashed, virtually from conception. Natural is best. Do not deviate from Natural.
Yada yada.
Desired outcome: healthy child. Nothing else really matters.
Friday 11 March 2011
Miss/don't miss
Yesterday one of the boys had a boiled egg and soldiers for his tea. How good did that look? I so want a runny boiled egg. I won't, I'll be good, but I want one BAD.
Soft cooked eggs = salmonella risk. Devil's advocate argues that our eggs are from vaccinated hens, but it's a bit risky for the sake of a meal.
I think the worst for me is the lack of cold remedies, although I have discovered new safe ones. Steam inhalation does work a bit. Skooshing saltwater up your nose (which is as gross as it sounds, but I am a vision of phlegm and ick anyway) loosens everything a bit as well, as does industrial nose blowing. And finally, I have been attempting to massage my sinuses to alleviate the pain, and the pain is a tad alleviated. Who'd have thunk it?
I would really like some sinusitis spray. They don't know if it's ok. I don't want to risk it. Paracetamol will suffice, although apparently that could affect the fertility of any male foetuses as adults. Logic there is that damage will undoubtedly have been done by now. Go easy on the paracetamol and hope for a girl.
I don't miss wine. I'm relieved to have a reason not to buy cigarettes, which is rather pathetic, but I neither need to fork out the cash or deal with the smell/inability to breathe properly. So I don't miss cigarettes. I don't miss having to take painkillers, I can't take them but my neck is ok, achy rather than sore and I can live with achy. I can take baths again so that makes pregnancy worth it alone. Hurrah for hormones!
I might have a bath now, not being at work and all. Noone would even know. Mmmm.
But first, some sustenance to keep the nausea at bay and then to watch a programme about parents with 3 sets of twins. Which may induce a panic attack, or may provide calming thoughts of just the 2 sets.
One baby would be such a cinch. It would.
Laters.
Soft cooked eggs = salmonella risk. Devil's advocate argues that our eggs are from vaccinated hens, but it's a bit risky for the sake of a meal.
I think the worst for me is the lack of cold remedies, although I have discovered new safe ones. Steam inhalation does work a bit. Skooshing saltwater up your nose (which is as gross as it sounds, but I am a vision of phlegm and ick anyway) loosens everything a bit as well, as does industrial nose blowing. And finally, I have been attempting to massage my sinuses to alleviate the pain, and the pain is a tad alleviated. Who'd have thunk it?
I would really like some sinusitis spray. They don't know if it's ok. I don't want to risk it. Paracetamol will suffice, although apparently that could affect the fertility of any male foetuses as adults. Logic there is that damage will undoubtedly have been done by now. Go easy on the paracetamol and hope for a girl.
I don't miss wine. I'm relieved to have a reason not to buy cigarettes, which is rather pathetic, but I neither need to fork out the cash or deal with the smell/inability to breathe properly. So I don't miss cigarettes. I don't miss having to take painkillers, I can't take them but my neck is ok, achy rather than sore and I can live with achy. I can take baths again so that makes pregnancy worth it alone. Hurrah for hormones!
I might have a bath now, not being at work and all. Noone would even know. Mmmm.
But first, some sustenance to keep the nausea at bay and then to watch a programme about parents with 3 sets of twins. Which may induce a panic attack, or may provide calming thoughts of just the 2 sets.
One baby would be such a cinch. It would.
Laters.
Thursday 10 March 2011
10 weeks and sniffing
Boh. I have the cold again, and this time it's a cracker. I have the reddest nose ever seen due to the perpetual drip, and I am feeling most miserable. 2 days off sick, my sinuses are very sore and I can't breathe. Yuk. A day in bed has helped, another will help more.
So. 10 weeks. That's quite good, it's only TWO WEEKS TILL THE SCAN! And I am still alternating between being convinced there will be no heartbeat, and that there will be multiple heartbeats.
Evidence against the lack of heartbeat: I am feeling v v sick, I have v sore and ginormous breasts, prior to the cold I had a permanent runny nose, I am still peeing most enthusiastically and generally being most distinctly grumpy and pregnant. That and the test I did two days ago which said 3+ weeks which is a bit of a clue.
I know. I worry.
Evidence as to the presence of more than one baby: the ginormous belly. It can't all be doughnuts, it's only been 5 weeks since I stopped dieting. I am bigger now than I was at this stage with the boys, and I started off thinner (albeit plus the udder of overstretched skin) this time. I know it's not bump, but I do look pregnant and that was what made me suspect twins last time.
We'd cope. Twins are v cute. As long as at least one is female...
So. 10 weeks. That's quite good, it's only TWO WEEKS TILL THE SCAN! And I am still alternating between being convinced there will be no heartbeat, and that there will be multiple heartbeats.
Evidence against the lack of heartbeat: I am feeling v v sick, I have v sore and ginormous breasts, prior to the cold I had a permanent runny nose, I am still peeing most enthusiastically and generally being most distinctly grumpy and pregnant. That and the test I did two days ago which said 3+ weeks which is a bit of a clue.
I know. I worry.
Evidence as to the presence of more than one baby: the ginormous belly. It can't all be doughnuts, it's only been 5 weeks since I stopped dieting. I am bigger now than I was at this stage with the boys, and I started off thinner (albeit plus the udder of overstretched skin) this time. I know it's not bump, but I do look pregnant and that was what made me suspect twins last time.
We'd cope. Twins are v cute. As long as at least one is female...
Friday 4 March 2011
9 weeks and feeling double
I am 9 weeks today. Entering week 10 and feeling sick. Tiredness is ridiculous, sickness is vile by the end of the day, head is achy and I feel generally cack. No real change other than being tireder and more headachey.
Today I saw the coolest buggy I have ever laid my eyes on. It is made by Recaro and comes with a car seat and carrycot. It's lovely, going by the name of Akuna, and a right bargain at £395 for the lot. Sold (at a later date) to the lady with the enormous tummy!
Yea. That's the problem. I have a bump. It's in the wrong place and any babies in there are about an inch long just now, but it sure looks like a bump. And feels like a bump. This was confirmed by two of the mums at the school as well, one of whom was amazed I was only 9 weeks and the other confirmed I was displaying a bumpesque protrusion.
People think it's very amusing. I think it is less so.
I saw the midwife today as I was concerned about a shaky hand (which was nothing). While I was there I checked a few things including the amount of fluid I seem to be retaining and the reassembling of my insides to my upper abdomen. This is all normal in a second or subsequent pregnancy but I asked if the level I am displaying is indicative of twins.
Yes.
Oh my word. Not definitively, that can only be confirmed by ultrasound but it's looking likely. It seems that my perception of bonkers boobs = uber oestrogen production = girl is not necessarily correct. No, the primary cause of excess oestrogen would be, go on, guess. Yup. More than one foetus.
Sadly if they are a they, they will have to share a buggy because I am so having the Recaro.
Today I saw the coolest buggy I have ever laid my eyes on. It is made by Recaro and comes with a car seat and carrycot. It's lovely, going by the name of Akuna, and a right bargain at £395 for the lot. Sold (at a later date) to the lady with the enormous tummy!
Yea. That's the problem. I have a bump. It's in the wrong place and any babies in there are about an inch long just now, but it sure looks like a bump. And feels like a bump. This was confirmed by two of the mums at the school as well, one of whom was amazed I was only 9 weeks and the other confirmed I was displaying a bumpesque protrusion.
People think it's very amusing. I think it is less so.
I saw the midwife today as I was concerned about a shaky hand (which was nothing). While I was there I checked a few things including the amount of fluid I seem to be retaining and the reassembling of my insides to my upper abdomen. This is all normal in a second or subsequent pregnancy but I asked if the level I am displaying is indicative of twins.
Yes.
Oh my word. Not definitively, that can only be confirmed by ultrasound but it's looking likely. It seems that my perception of bonkers boobs = uber oestrogen production = girl is not necessarily correct. No, the primary cause of excess oestrogen would be, go on, guess. Yup. More than one foetus.
Sadly if they are a they, they will have to share a buggy because I am so having the Recaro.
Thursday 3 March 2011
The madness of others
With my ongoing worry of twins, I looked up when the uterus is meant to rise out of the pelvis. I found a lot of people who rely on the height of the fundus (top of uterus) for dates as they don't want ultrasound. Including people who were measuring several weeks further on than they thought they were and suspected twins but refused to have an ultrasound.
Huh?
So I googled "reasons not to have an ultrasound"...
It causes autism apparently. And the screeching of the ultrasound will be intolerable for the foetus. And it can make your child left handed.
I jest not. Here is one such discussion:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/opinions/5239/
(soz, you have to copy n paste)
Incidentally, the link provided in that collection of paranoia does mention investigating causes of autism but does not mention any connection to ultrasound.
Why is ultrasound used? because it's safe.
Reasons why to think otherwise is idiotic:
The sound thing: foetuses (foetii?) do not have canine hearing. They do not "hear" ultrasound.
There's a mention of "the sound waves on microwaves being hot enough to heat food".
Microwaves ovens: use microwave radiation. There's a clue in the name.
People really do amaze me sometime. Oh how blessed I am with an enquiring mind.
Huh?
So I googled "reasons not to have an ultrasound"...
It causes autism apparently. And the screeching of the ultrasound will be intolerable for the foetus. And it can make your child left handed.
I jest not. Here is one such discussion:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/opinions/5239/
(soz, you have to copy n paste)
Incidentally, the link provided in that collection of paranoia does mention investigating causes of autism but does not mention any connection to ultrasound.
Why is ultrasound used? because it's safe.
Reasons why to think otherwise is idiotic:
The sound thing: foetuses (foetii?) do not have canine hearing. They do not "hear" ultrasound.
There's a mention of "the sound waves on microwaves being hot enough to heat food".
Microwaves ovens: use microwave radiation. There's a clue in the name.
People really do amaze me sometime. Oh how blessed I am with an enquiring mind.
Wednesday 2 March 2011
Rough rough rough
I think I am getting used to feeling rough, for it doesn't seem so noticeable any more but if I think about it I actually feel quite terrible. Today I have indigestion to add to my joys. My chest has ceased to be quite so sensitive and intent to expand, so that's something. It's still ginormous and fragile, but ok.
The tiredness is ridiculous, and I continue to find it very difficult to sleep at night. Part of it is discomfort, another part is the perpetual hunger/nausea thing, but the main part is simply not falling asleep. Napping or not by day has little bearing on whether I sleep, so I have concluded I may as well nap when I can as that is as least some sleep.
I appear to be accumulating all the fluid I shall be requiring for the duration of the pregnancy all at once. I am taking in gallons of fluids - milk, water, more milk, juice - and not that much comes back out. My lips are all chapped which is a sure sign of dehydration. I have this firm little bump already, which doesn't indicate twins as it's too high, but it does make me look considerably advanced to what I actually am. Although I have a sinking suspicion it was this non bump that made me suspect twins last time. Oh god...
3 weeks and 2 days until scan day. I cannot wait, it's such a very long time. I wish they did the dating scan at 8 weeks, I really do. I kind of understand why they wait till 12 weeks as it must be much harder to accept a baby has gone if you've seen it on ultrasound and until the 12 weeks have passed there is a higher chance of loss. Then again, the potentially at risk ones are the ones that get scanned early. No matter what, my scan is 3 weeks on Friday and then I may relax a bit.
Number one fear: "sorry, there's nothing there/no heartbeat"
Number two fear: "there's two babies in there"
The latter is obviously far preferable to the former and would be delightful in actuality, but one single baby would be an awful lot easier. Especially a girl. I may be cooking two boys though, and this time we are old hands at it so it'd be easier regardless.
One girl. One girl. Please. I know it can't change now, but...
The God of traffic lights says it's a girl, I am craving sweet things mostly and I believe the breasts of enormity are due to excess oestrogen, ie a girl. No scientific basis for that last one, I made that one up optimistically.
We'll see. There's nothing I can do except wait and fret.
The tiredness is ridiculous, and I continue to find it very difficult to sleep at night. Part of it is discomfort, another part is the perpetual hunger/nausea thing, but the main part is simply not falling asleep. Napping or not by day has little bearing on whether I sleep, so I have concluded I may as well nap when I can as that is as least some sleep.
I appear to be accumulating all the fluid I shall be requiring for the duration of the pregnancy all at once. I am taking in gallons of fluids - milk, water, more milk, juice - and not that much comes back out. My lips are all chapped which is a sure sign of dehydration. I have this firm little bump already, which doesn't indicate twins as it's too high, but it does make me look considerably advanced to what I actually am. Although I have a sinking suspicion it was this non bump that made me suspect twins last time. Oh god...
3 weeks and 2 days until scan day. I cannot wait, it's such a very long time. I wish they did the dating scan at 8 weeks, I really do. I kind of understand why they wait till 12 weeks as it must be much harder to accept a baby has gone if you've seen it on ultrasound and until the 12 weeks have passed there is a higher chance of loss. Then again, the potentially at risk ones are the ones that get scanned early. No matter what, my scan is 3 weeks on Friday and then I may relax a bit.
Number one fear: "sorry, there's nothing there/no heartbeat"
Number two fear: "there's two babies in there"
The latter is obviously far preferable to the former and would be delightful in actuality, but one single baby would be an awful lot easier. Especially a girl. I may be cooking two boys though, and this time we are old hands at it so it'd be easier regardless.
One girl. One girl. Please. I know it can't change now, but...
The God of traffic lights says it's a girl, I am craving sweet things mostly and I believe the breasts of enormity are due to excess oestrogen, ie a girl. No scientific basis for that last one, I made that one up optimistically.
We'll see. There's nothing I can do except wait and fret.
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