The perks

Through the fug of feeling diabolical is a ray of sunshine in the form of stuff.

I don't refer to the glorious array of baby equipment needed and which requires many, many hours of perusal. I mean free stuff. I LOVE free stuff, and the stuff you get for being pregnant is so superior to the leaflets and so on you get when unpregnant.

First off, and it doesn't count as free stuff so much, but there are new and exciting catalogues. Best of these is Mamas & Papas. Mine arrived, to my joy, and when I opened it I found a £5 gift card. Ooh, ooh and ooh again. Naturally I shall manage to spend this within the month it is valid for even though I don't need anything for a good while yet.

£6 Lotty Ladybird "Baby on Board" sign is looking good.

Mothercare catalogue didn't have any freebies. Jojo Maman Bebe and Bumpto3 (shortly to be renamed the Gro Company) are catalogues for making believe you live a different life to the one you actually do.

Tesco haven't sent anything yet (other than a "you are already a member" letter - well how's about you let me update? They did). Boots stuff arrived this morning with much less free than 6 years ago, but I do now have my voucher for a free (must have) change bag if I buy nappies. Oh, and it did have a free tube of Burts Bees Nappy Ointment which I probably won't need but I do LOVE Burts Bees.

So far my favourite freebie was from Aptimil, they sent me a cutie cuddly polar bear, and a book about nutrition. Cow & Gate sent a cuddly cow (also cute, not as cute) with a pregnancy diary.

Both of these have big spiels to remind you that your child will grow a second head and be taken away from you if you force the abuse of formula on them before 6 months. After 6 months of course they may die of malnutrition if you don't use follow on milk. It's a minefield.

Note the sarcasm. More another time.

Aside from the free stuff, there are additional perks:

An excuse not to drink

A get out clause for any social occasion

An incentive to be more healthy generally

Pain relief, all hail relaxin.

Excuse from doing a lot of things - no can't babysit, no can't carry the shopping, oh too tired to cook I must must must have takeaway, oh sorry can't do that, I'll be too tired/feeble.

Excuse to eat cakes. It's not really an excuse but they do say you mustn't diet when pregnant. And if that's not a free for all on cakes I don't know what is. It is also acceptable to keep biscuits in your desk and munch away at them.

Oh, and you get a free baby at the end of it all. That's quite groovy.