How to feel inferior

There was a moment in my past which changed everything forever. It was the moment in 2005 when I was told "There's two babies in there".

From that moment I was a mum-of-twins. No more standard issue pregnancy, no, off to the consultant for you missy. Then there was the getting vast and immobile, and being poised from about 25 weeks for the twins "which always come early". Or not, in my case.

Once arrived there's an endless array of new parent stuff that is Not Possible with two babies.

For the record, it's not that hard, as long as you leave all preconceptions of goodly and earth mother-y parenting in the scan room. Do what works, not what you "should" and all is fine (within obvious boundaries of common sense). We broke all the NCT rules. Ha! Take that with your normal mothers! Heh. But yeah, many activities are simply not practical so it's a lot easier to stay home and watch CBeebies.

They are doing very well at school, thank you, and their language is very good. Just so you know, even having been exposed to formula from birth AND television at the tender age of 0.

So now. Second pregnancy, huh? Yes. I am different again. Huzzah for stereotyping.

Your first child has been an only child till now.
No they haven't.

Imagine if you had twins!
Imagine, indeed.
So, advice for parents of twins on the arrival of a new sibling is.... non existent. That obviously doesn't happen, nobody would ever get pregnant again after twins! We have information (now! All produced post 2006) on what it is like to have new twins. Lots of coverage on your little one dealing with two baby siblings at one go, but none on having them already and preparing for a new arrival.

Because it doesn't happen. Follow the rulebook, people. Firstborn: one child. Twins are for subsequent pregnancies, if you must.

As if that isn't enough, all mentions of second pregnancies presume that child one is either a baby or a toddler. Maybe a preschooler at the very outside if you really left it overly long, but that's pushing it a bit for credibility.

I feel distinctly persecuted. Not least because I am officially an Older Mother, being over 35 and all.

To recap, this is what I got wrong:

1) I had too many babies on my first shot. 2, 3, 6, 27 - doesn't matter. The correct number of babies to have at one sitting is 1, any more is deviant. It can occasionally be excused on a second attempt.

2) I waited too long to get pregnant again. I should have unplanned it years ago.

3) I should have accepted my elderly state and not been doing things like "that" anyway. By the age of 36 I should be in a home for the insanely elderly for sure.

Pah. Luckily I'm not tetchy at the moment or it might bother me.