6 weeks and flagging

Well, there's not much point in writing "today was the same", hence the gap in posts. Well, and I've been a bit wabbit. I am now 6 weeks and 2 days and all is much as before: very tired, feel sick most of the time, oversensitive to smells, sore boobies, general aching.

Still paranoid about the same things: quadruplets, miscarriages of the missed or not missed variety.

Which gives one of the definite joys of pregnancy; given that you go rather a lot, there is a need to check for blood every single time, which means an awful lot of momentary fretting. I know from last time that the checking never stops, you just get to a stage when it becomes checking for signs of labour rather than signs of miscarriage. There is a halcyonic half hour or so between early pregnancy and advanced whaleness where your bladder has a capacity of more than a thimble, but it is indeed short lived.

Ok, I believe in non multiple pregnancies this is known as the second trimester and is the mythical blooming period of perpetual joy, lush hair, glowing skin and the ability to both eat food and act like a fully functioning human being. I am yet to meet a mother who experiences this, other than retrospectively while uttering the ever misleading: "I LOVED being pregnant". Note that is only ever in past tense, I do not believe any mother has ever said "I am loving being pregnant".

I am not loving being pregnant. I am loving the fact that there will be another baby, but getting there is tough. The fretting is crippling: is it real? is it well? does it have a sibling in there with it? will it still be well tomorrow? is it still well? what if it inherits my nose? or is rubbish at maths? will I ever stop feeling sick? is it a he or a she? what can we call it? is it still well? will both of us survive the process of getting it out of me? is it still well? what are my chances of Downs again? and cerebral palsy, how do I avoid that? how will I cope with night feeds and will this one toilet train at 18 months like I was PROMISED? is it well today?

It's no wonder pregnancy is tiring.