Paranoia gaining momentum

My bump confuses me. Baby isn't all that big and none of her joints are very big, but I often have a very solid and rigid lump of bump that feels somewhat like a substantial joint. A foot? Shoulder? Knee? Totally hard and unyielding. Weird. Worrying, sometimes.

So, I've got obsessed with new worries. I am utterly convinced that any time at all spent on my back will cause an immediate cessation of oxygen to baby and the result will be brain damage, most likely in the form of cerebral palsy. Which I am terrified of. More so because baby was perfect at previous scans, so if anything goes wrong it would most likely be because of something I did/am going to do wrong.

What else am I worried about? My mortality again. Regardless of my mothering skills I cannot bear the thought of my own demise and my babies being motherless. The this-baby-wasn't-meant-to-be concept has reared it's ugly paranoid head again and I can't get past thinking that she and I cannot co-exist.

Because no unplanned babies survive... It's utterly illogical. It would be far more sane to think that this baby is clearly meant to be and so will be regardless. I have similar fears for O as twin 2, we only planned for one baby and he came too.

That's not to say I don't have horrors about R and bad things happening to him. I guess this is one of the pitfalls of parenthood. Or just love, I have perpetual fears about their father too.

More whimsical, but at least positive, is the fact that I have always sensed I would have a daughter. I have long envisaged her as a little girl of around 7. I have an image in my head of how she will look, so my subconscious at least acknowledges the likelihood of her growing up. With me around also. When I was pregnant with the boys I could clearly imagine the way they would look, specifically I could see the differences between them, and actually I got it right. Mother's intuition or the mad rambling of a hormonal worrywart?

Emotions

Babies make me cry.

They don't usually, I recall being like this when I was close to having the boys. The sight of a newborn, especially if I see footage of it actually being born, has this bizarre response of being really tearful. I don't know if this is a result of a bonkers mix of hormones and tiredness, or if it's a overwhelming sense of OH MY GOD I'M HAVING ONE OF THOSE SOON!!!

Older babies I don't seem to have a problem with. Just teeny tiny ones. I'm sure I felt the same emotion when I saw my own newborns, but that was mixed in with unadulterated joy and relief as well as the tearfulness.

I may add that the tears aren't actually shed, they just threaten.

All my emotions are heightened, I'm quick to lose my temper, over worried about things and generally fretsome and grumpy.

Today's worry is down to a very obviously upset tummy. I don't think I've eaten anything potentially harmful, but there's always the worry. Or it could be a sign of impending labour too early. The Braxton Hicks are fairly frequent; each time I am now thinking, is it real? Could it be? It doss hurt a lot sometimes.

The lady from my online group who had her baby at 31+5 weeks had a condition called acute fatty liver of pregnancy, which sounds horrendous, and can only be cured by delivery. Poor soul has had this in all three of her pregnancies, which seems extraordinarily unfair.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acute_fatty_liver_of_pregnancy

Point being, it wasn't a spontaneous labour. I seem to be in good health (although don't want to tempt fate) so early delivery shouldn't be required. Spontaneous early labour, well that's a whole different worry.

Hang on in little girl, a few more weeks yet.

To tolerate or not to tolerate

I'm finding people difficult.

I seem to have differing parenting views to everyone else, but if I try and express that it comes across as very smug and rude. Thoughts that involve "rod" and "own back" pass through my brain a lot when discovering what people do. Examples not forthcoming as I don't want to cause offence. Just in case.

I'm also finding people's attitude to what's going on in the news irritating. Who cares what tabloid journalists do? If a young girl dies from drug abuse, that's sad, it doesn't mean I liked her music. If lots of youths get gunned down in Oslo shouldn't we be saddened a lot more than by the two previous issues?

Gah.

Pregnancy related stuff: sore sore sore, had lunch out today and found it nearly impossible to walk after sitting for an hour tops. Oh grand. So lunch is out as well as dinner, until such time as I have a new companion wherever I go.

I am concerned that I'm lacking amniotic fluid. There doesn't seem to be much there. Midwife on Friday. I shall have to remember to mention it.

Foetal movement was frequent through the night and most of today. Heart rate remains constant. I wish I had an upcoming scan for reassurance, there's nothing obviously wrong, I've just got to that stage where I'm worrying. It's been 10 weeks since my last scan, I've got 10 weeks to go. Middle ground, panic time. I may just book a 3d one. I probably won't.

Actually, although I have almost 10 weeks to go, she is hopefully to be delivered 9 weeks today!!

Ouchie. It hurts to move. I just adjusted my position from lying down to lying down a little differently and owwww. That hurt!

Bump hurts. Pelvis hurts. Calves hurt. Hurt hurt hurt. And people are annoying, damn them.

Burn burn burn

Heartburn, that is.

Ouchie!

Been at a barbecue this afternoon, but I wasn't aware of eating anything notably heartburn inducing. Still, I have heartburn of death. Gaviscon doesn't touch it and lying down is not happening. Sleep not looking imminent.

Nice spending time with friends, although they seemed surprised that I'm less dependent on crutches than they imagined. I can obviously manage without them, it just gets painful quicker. So I left them in the car, managed fine, and was in a LOT of pain by the time we left. Ah well.

No real pregnancy news today. I am now 29 weeks pregnant, into week 30. If all goes to plan, I will have a baby daughter in 10 weeks and 2 days time. Ooh!

Although that in itself is extremely overwhelming to comprehend. Much as I can't wait, and I long not to be pregnant any more, I find the concept of dealing with a newborn rather daunting. Just now if I am exhausted I can pretty much have a lie down. The boys can be distracted, and indeed told to give me an hour, and they're big and trustworthy enough to manage. Not so with a baby: if they need you, tough if you're not awake/alert/well enough. And a baby doesn't go to anything sans mummy, so doctors and dentists and the likes are much trickier. While in theory one baby will be easier than two, there are the following downsides to a second round of baby:

1) I have two older children that need looking after. If baby is up all night, I'll still be up first thing with the boys.

2) I may have had two babies first time round, but they were easy babies. This may not be an easy baby.

3) the existing children have a lot of stuff. Lego and the likes being the most scary. How to keep that away from baby???

Basically, there's a lot more to think about with older children around. And that's not even taking into panicky consideration all that has to be done prior to baby's birth, not least the dissertation.

Ugh. I long for a daughter, I love that she's coming and I will delight in her. I suspect this time round I will appreciate her early days more rather than wishing them away, having seen what comes next.

Just feelin' overwhelmed today.

Grrrr.

Well, in a bid to save money, I borrowed Denise van Outen's book, "Bumpalicious" from the library. Having progressed as far as month 3, I am set to kill DVO. What a load of tosh! Incorrect and/or poor "facts" and very superficial. How lovely to have a celebrity personal trainer. How marvellous to whip up your own range of maternity wear because you're famous. Of course I was in tip top conception shape pre-conception. Of course I eat perfectly.

It is very much in the same voice as Tess Daly's. Coincidence?

So. Rejected, but I thought I'd read it anyway. In the bath.

Splash! Dunken Denise.

So, I'll have to pay for the pages of junk anyway at a rate more expensive than the kindle version. No doubt the library would want the cover price so I shall source it myself. Immensely annoying.

Kindle has a bath bag to avoid tears at bathtime. Numerous books have been bathed over the years and I ain't risking the kindle, even though it is far less drop-able.

Book may dry ok, it didn't get fully submerged. Fingers crossed, I so don't want to own it or pay money for it.

Celebrity maternity guides: rubbish rubbish rubbish. Except Mel Giedroyc's From Here to Maternity which is FAB. And possibly Myleene Klass, as she is nice enough and I haven't read her book.

Braxton Hicks are here, I think. If it is them, I've had them for ages but I'm not sure as I don't think I had them with the twins at all. This is a v tight bump now and then, and they're starting to be ouchie.

Also experiencing kicks/jabs/worrying stuff down below which does definitely hurt some. I assure myself that if worrying things happened there, something fluidy or bloody would emerge. It hasn't.

Tooth has new temporary fix. Hopefully this one will last 11 weeks+ till my daughter arrives and I remember to arrange an extraction.

Sticks of apprehension

Today is the day that I get crutches. I have never used crutches in my life, other than "having a shot" when other people have broken a leg/foot/ankle.

My state of mind is a confused one, for a change. Conflicting thoughts of "oh my God, I'm going to be rubbish at this, and I'll be embarrassed and useless" with "I will actually be able to walk more than ten yards*, woohoo, I can more or less function as (semi) normal" mean I'm excited and scared all at the same time. Mostly scared, which is the primary sentiment for most pregnancy related emotions.

*Yes, yards, it's imperial for distance. Blame convention, not my education.


More later, when I am encrutched...

A new worry

So last week I saw the hygienist. Due to shortness of her working hours and two cancellations on my part (once as I was unwell, and once as O was home ill from school) I have been waiting to see her since December. And I saw her last week, to be told I have gum disease. I'm a bit narked as I would have had it treated long since.

I'm not sure if it has advanced to periodontal disease, I think she said it had, but that is Not Good.

This morning a crown which has been happily in situ for about 15 years just fell out. So I thought I'd look further into the causes of dental rubbishness during pregnancy.

Studies have indicated the bacteria can pass to the foetus and cause harm. There is one - just one - Daily Mail et al reported case of a stillbirth caused by the bacteria. More credible recent studies indicate there is not necessarily any link between gum disease and risk to the foetus, but there is a lot of literature to suggest there is. The link supposedly is to preterm delivery and low birthweight; the latter applying to full term babies as well as pre term.

I do know better than to ask Dr Google anything. The stillbirth is only reported in sources renowned for dubious "facts". The link is reported on general scaremongering sites.

The hygienist indicated no need for concern, other than a desire to stop the receding gums in their tracks. The gums are being treated, and I am now borderline OCD about dental hygiene.

I'm sure it'll be fine. But - yikes - something else to freak out about.

Fear and loathing in the bath

Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!

I'm very cross today. With everything. Nothing has happened to annoy me, more that I am annoyed at things. Most of them.

People mostly.

Baby moved a lot less than usual today which naturally caused a mild panic. And a mild psychotic moment when I expressed concern and was told if I was actually concerned I wouldn't say "I'm concerned".

Heartbeat is normal. Movement in response to prods and music is normal. There's just less tummy jiggling than normal. So I worry. A little. Not enough to do anything. Just a little.

And then I get cross again.

I've had a day of nasty heartburn and an unnecessary number of occasions where I have had to bend down to the floor. I can't do this, or I shouldn't. If I drop something on the floor, which happens often due to being sleep deprived and dozy, I instinctively stoop to pick it up. And it hurts a lot. If I want to get something off the floor I have to do elaborate moves to get there, because if I just duck down the way I have done forever, it hurts. So if I want my shoes from the floor beside the bed, I have to lie on the bed and lean off. But if I drop something, I'm down there and cursing before I remember. Squatting is absolutely not going to happen, I'd be stuck in a permasquat for the rest of time.

I'm not sure how the clutter is going to clear itself off the floor, although I did manage to declutter the boys' room by sitting down on the floor and shuffling around.

So the list of things I can't really do are:

Stay awake, unless it's bedtime
Walk more than 100 yards
Bend over
Lie on my back, front or right side
Lift anything

I've got 15 weeks to go. Aieeeee.

Unmellow yellow

Low point: a hint of yellow on the toilet paper. Yikes!!!!!!!!
Yellow. Not red, green, brown, smelly or bad. Just a bit yellow. Aka normal.

But still. Not clear. Huge panic plus tears, but mercifully no actual contact with medics as even Dr Google couldn't insinuate doom and gloom from a touch of yellow in absence of any other symptoms.

Although I'm a bit sore today. Just achy. If worse tomorrow I may venture in the direction of a midwife. Only if worse and in the presence of something more than a bit yellowish.

I went into Mamas and Papas today as the buggy du jour in my head is their Zoom. Its kind of massive, but buggies seem to be. Except the Quinny Zapp Plus. Which has been rejected by moi on account of the seat needing to be removed to fold the bugger.

Anyways, Zoom looks proper good and is currently a bargainous price. A lady with a tiny baby had a Sola, which is exactly the same, and I asked her if she was pleased with it. She said she was very pleased, and I realised afterwards that I did not even look at her baby. Cardinal sin!!

I got no attention from the staff in a near deserted shop, so I need to up my yummy mummy state before returning. Huh.

Breasts have gone totally mad. I think my problems breastfeeding the twins may have been down to lack of preparation by the boobs themselves. They are certainly preparing a LOT more this time. Ouchie.

Must mean a girl???

Endless worry

The paranoia's back.
There is no reason for this.

I just don't feel very pregnant. Well, apart from the still-mental breasts and the slight nausea and the massive tummy. Oh, and the bleeding gums and nose.

I'm not sure what I need. Weekly scans? Regular midwife heartbeat checks? Definite kicks?

I need to keep in my head the image of a very healthy foetus jumping around through my first scan. And remind myself of my conviction of twins/missed miscarriage before. It's all in my head. I know it is. But reassurance would be nice, and I don't get that without a hypochondriac attack for another 5 weeks. That comes with the apprehension of what-will-they-find???!!! for the anomaly scan. And the minor niggle of having NO boys names. It could well be a boy. I don't know, my intuition is well off this pregnancy. I do think the foetus looked like a girl on the scan, but I'm not au fait with the facial differences between male and female foetuses.

I have sinusitis. I feel miserable.

Worse!!???!!

Well, today, at 13+3 weeks pregnant, we have a peak of the nausea. Building up all day to a crescendo of actual vomit at teatime. The joys!

I feel positively dreadful. And very tired. And very very sick.

Today's worry: it's something more ominous than morning sickness. Which it almost certainly isn't, it's a lot like morning sickness just worse.

I felt better for about half a day. Yuk yuk yuk.

I am predicting a day in bed to be required tomorrow. Oh I hurt. Oh I feel sick. Oh oh oh.

Poor me. I do hope this is still a positive sign for baby.

12 and 13 weeks

Well, I am now 12 and 13 weeks. 12 because I know my cycles, 13 according to scan measurements. Almost everyone I know gets moved forward a week, and most go "overdue". Methinks its an imprecise science, especially as I was given one slightly undercooked twin 5 years ago, delivered 14 days before his original due date.

Anyway, I like being further on, it makes things happen sooner.

Symptoms and obsessions at what is now 13 weeks:

Boobs are mighty sore. Will this ever stop? They definitely didn't do that this month. O has an ear infection so has needed much cuddling and ooh it hurts if he lies against a boob. They may be better equipped for the old breastfeeding malarky which I am prepared to undertake if it works and on the strict proviso of top up formula at the first sign of two hourly feeds past the first week.

Said ear infection did make me think, supposedly breastfeeding protects against infections and bottle fed O does get rather a lot. Then again, so always have breastfed I. Who knows? I do still maintain that no child would wish to share my immune system a second longer than necessary and the twins (for that is how they are now known since the number of babies inside has been shown to be less than two) knew better than to drink from the antibody/nutrient deficient source.

Decision to breastfeed does depend rather a lot on whether the whiplash pain returns after the birth. There is no way I can survive on occasional paracetamol if the pain comes back, which it may or may not.

Why the obsession? Why, I have been to the hospital now. I have in my possession one book all about how to/why to and how to overcome the endless difficulties, (Easy? Really?) one DVD about how utterly great it is and numerous breastfeeding goodies. Including some breast pads. Lovely! But I do need them even if only fleetingly as the milk pops in then out considerably after birth as before (but see above for mental breasts limbering up many months too early).

The nausea is now restricted to only when I'm properly hungry. But I don't fancy much (other than unpasteurised cheese or pate, obvs) and I get to the hungry and nauseous stage of not wanting to eat versus knowing that if I do eat I'll feel better.

Thing I fancy eating:

Sweets, especially fizzy ones. Although, who knew gummy bears were so good? (I don't usually eat sweets, it's a whole new world and I do have to keep hiding them from the children who don't get many and who do not need to see their mother eat them by the pound)
Crisps, but only vinegary ones
Anything I'm not allowed in pregnancy almost without exception
Some undefined cheese based thing I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe a cheese scone?
Cheese of most types, on cream crackers.

And that's about it. Nutritious huh?

Given my inaccurate feelings of twins, I am giving no credence to my current conviction that baby is a girl. I think she/he has a feminine face, and she looked like an Emma. Yeah, go on, mock me...

7 weeks or so till I find out. Then 19 weeks or so to think up a boys name if required. Boys today suggested Roger or Finbar. Er, no.

I'm quietly confident on no anomalies based on the glorious health at Friday's scan. Acknowledging such immediately makes me panic on the whole tempting fate train of thought. But no, we shall worry not.

Worry remains restricted mostly to the sudden death of the child, which never really wears off. Worry of miscarriage becomes worry of stillbirth, then cot death, then some type of accident. I've seen my little wriggler, it's a person now and to lose that would be devastating.

And that about does the week that wasn't.

Fraught

Oh, I'm a bit worked up.

1 sleep to go. So, boys to bed, tea, bit of TV, maybe a bath, then bed probably not with sleep, then get up, drink lots of water and head to maternity hospital for 9.45.

Aaaaaaaaaargh. It's basically here.

It's only a scan. The probability of there being one perfectly healthy baby in there is very high, as I keep saying, but that doesn't stop the panic.

Two. None. Three. Deformities. None. Two. Tumour. Aaaaaargh.

One. Healthy. Likely.

I feel stupendously pregnant today. Sore, nauseous to extremes, vast chested, fatigued, slow. Wriggles from below are surely foetal. All seems well.

I'm still panicky. Right now I could really go a cigarette. I'm not going to have one, obviously, but I need some sort of crutch and I don't think gummy bears (oh yes) will cut it. Gummy bears it is though.

Are they gummi? I don't care.

Breathe. Breathe. Eat sweets. Breathe. Don't be sick. Maybe be sick?

Anticipating the worst

Aside from the perpetual nausea that I've almost stopped noticing, I feel a different kind of sick today.

Each time I think about the scan I feel ill, short of breath and kind of faint. Which is approximately once every five minutes, for five minutes.

I am no longer concerned by number of foetuses. What I am terrified of is that they tell me there are no healthy babies inside me.

Fear one: no heartbeat/foetus
Fear two: something obviously wrong, an non-viable foetus.
Fear three: nuchal scanning flags up a high risk.

Right now there could be several in there and as long as they all have heartbeats and the correct quota of organs and chromosomes I don't care. I just want healthy!!

Once I've established there's a heartbeat etc I'll get onto worrying about any anomalies. What gender my precious bundle turns out to be is of no consequence at all, just as long as they're well.

One little girl would be nice. One little boy would be nice. Two little girls would be nice. One girl, one boy would be nice. Two little boys would be nice. JUST AS LONG AS THEY ARE OK.

I can't stop obsessing about missed miscarriages. I still feel pregnant. I still test pregnant. I so want to still be pregnant.

2 sleeps now.

Snippets

Soooooooooo tired.

Sooooooooo sicky.

Boobs sooooooooo sore.

Head soooooooo achy, as is neck a bit today - not fair.

It's meant to get better after 10 weeks. This is not better.

Good news: uterus is present and palpable. Woo. Growth continues, bad news less likely.

4 sleeps. 4!! That's like nearly none. It's really soon. No more weeks, it's just "on Friday" now. 3 more days at work. 4 sleeps, or going to bed-ings anyway.

And then it'll be x weeks till any tests and about 7 weeks till the anomaly scan, so that's up to 7 weeks of worry about abnormalities.

But this week we are worrying about the existence of any babies.

This week!

Well, since ever I found out I was pregnant, or to be more precise, since ever I started feeling pregnant - tired, sick, intolerant - I have found going to work a chore. It just occurred to me as I was having the Sunday evening blues, that as I wish away this week till Friday, this Friday is scan day! The days I wish away anyway will be gone and I'll be there.

And I pretty much won't have to work on Friday as the scan will take most of the morning - I work 9.30 till 12.30 and the scan is at 9.45 for 2 hours. So I shall pop in after, update the necessaries and show off my scan picture of my healthy singleton, and leave again after half an hour or so. Huzzah for paid antenatal appointments.

I incidentally won't be going to work after if it's a swift scan with bad news, I'll be having a meltdown. I may also be having a breakdown if it's multiples.

I'm not sure what I'll think about after Friday. I guess I'll have results to worry about, then possibly further tests, plus general worry and complaining. I don't recall ever letting up the worry or the complaining when I was pregnant.

The worry goes:
trimester one: don't bleed, don't miscarry;

trimester two: don't just die, don't be broken, please keep kicking me;

trimester three: keep up that kicking now, come out safely, don't be broken, don't die, don't kill me either.

The complaining goes:
trimester one: I feel sick, I'm tired, I hurt, I can't sleep, ooh my breasts hurt;

Trimester two: I still feel sick, I'm still tired, I still hurt, I'm not blooming, I still can't sleep;

Trimester three: I have chronic indigestion and the stomach capacity of a mouse, breathing isn't so easy, everything is too much effort, I'm still very tired, I haven't slept in weeks, I can't lie on my back or front or right side, actually everything hurts, I've been pregnant forever, I want it to be over.

Yeah, I guess there's lots to say, even if it is a tad repetitive.

I am currently in the bath - wooo! still novel after 21 months unable to. I tend to have a bath at the same time of day most nights, and each bath I can feel a distinct flurry of something going on. I don't know if it's baby moving or not, but it's both reassuring and nice. I may be deriving comfort from some wind but it sure feels like tiny foetal acrobatics. It doesn't happen any other time other than in the bath and I remember the bath was the best time for movements with the boys. So here's hoping. Here's not hoping the fact that I can feel it means it's twins. The existing twins have bickered and wound each other up all day today and the thought of another twosome just does not appeal!

5 sleeps.

6 sleeps!

Less than a week to go till scan, I can cope. And then they will tell me if all is well and single, or not. And I will know. Then nothing will change, I'll just know; it isn't an end point, it's just a stage.

Well, it hopefully isn't an end point anyway.

I can't feel my uterus. This doesn't mean it's not above the pubic line, it means I can't feel it. I don't think it's up high though, which means probably not twins. I do however feel little flutterings that could be movement which is very early and would be indicative of twins. And there is the fact that my bowels etc are currently located at the top of my ribs or thereabouts so that suggests a reshuffle is going on. Which it will be. But I can't tell what's there and what isn't usually there.

Symptoms remain sort of peaking. I have been exhausted today and spent most of it lying down, interspersed with nausea and the need to eat, along with the requisite hourly visits to the toilet. Boobs look nothing like themselves, as yesterday's changes remain.

So it doesn't look like anything's wearing off anyway. That's good, even if it makes me feel diabolical.

Next necessary purchases: nightwear and underwear. Both causing discomfort, and I've not started the grand expansion yet. Yikes. There are benefits to having your firstborn: no children to look after and a nice unscathed body with no scarring to be irritated by waistbands.

Just a moaning aside.

6 weeks and flagging

Well, there's not much point in writing "today was the same", hence the gap in posts. Well, and I've been a bit wabbit. I am now 6 weeks and 2 days and all is much as before: very tired, feel sick most of the time, oversensitive to smells, sore boobies, general aching.

Still paranoid about the same things: quadruplets, miscarriages of the missed or not missed variety.

Which gives one of the definite joys of pregnancy; given that you go rather a lot, there is a need to check for blood every single time, which means an awful lot of momentary fretting. I know from last time that the checking never stops, you just get to a stage when it becomes checking for signs of labour rather than signs of miscarriage. There is a halcyonic half hour or so between early pregnancy and advanced whaleness where your bladder has a capacity of more than a thimble, but it is indeed short lived.

Ok, I believe in non multiple pregnancies this is known as the second trimester and is the mythical blooming period of perpetual joy, lush hair, glowing skin and the ability to both eat food and act like a fully functioning human being. I am yet to meet a mother who experiences this, other than retrospectively while uttering the ever misleading: "I LOVED being pregnant". Note that is only ever in past tense, I do not believe any mother has ever said "I am loving being pregnant".

I am not loving being pregnant. I am loving the fact that there will be another baby, but getting there is tough. The fretting is crippling: is it real? is it well? does it have a sibling in there with it? will it still be well tomorrow? is it still well? what if it inherits my nose? or is rubbish at maths? will I ever stop feeling sick? is it a he or a she? what can we call it? is it still well? will both of us survive the process of getting it out of me? is it still well? what are my chances of Downs again? and cerebral palsy, how do I avoid that? how will I cope with night feeds and will this one toilet train at 18 months like I was PROMISED? is it well today?

It's no wonder pregnancy is tiring.

Insanity

This may turn out to be an extra one, because it is that time of day where worry, sore tummy and nausea* prevent sleep.

(*and the morning spent asleep)

Stupid stupid worry, I worry that I'm going to worry a problem into existence.

I have conflicting worries, which make less than sense:

Worry one: that I experience a missed miscarriage/blighted ovum and there's nothing there when I get a scan in 200 years time.
(actually in between 5 and 8 weeks, but time goes so very slooooowwwwly when you're pregnant)

Worry two: that it's twins.

Illogical, huh? One extreme or t'other.

I may have mentioned both, I forget. I forget most things actually, as the pregnancy progresses, the more repetitive these entries will be.

The evidence would suggest an entirely normal singleton pregnancy. Tell that to my paranoid brain.

I WANT A SCAN!!!!!!! The fact that nothing would show up yet is irrelevant. It's not that long to wait and as long as I feel diabolical and nothing falls out - it's ok.

Bedtime reading: What to Expect When You're Expecting.
Again.

Happy statistic:
Chance of miscarriage having not had one and having had a previously live birth is 5%. Even if I'd never had a previous pregnancy, the rate for age 35-38 is 18%.

Worry is a silly thing, it wouldn't make it easier if the worst happened. Shush shush silly brain. Enjoy the, err, something pleasant about this stage...

Incidentally, chance of second and subsequent set of fraternal twins is 1 in 300.

Worry be gone!

We still don't have any boys names and it's 15 weeks till we find out about that one.