Still sitting (mostly)

I CAN'T WALK!!!

Ok, that's not true. I can, and with crutches it doesn't actually hurt. I feel a bit like the crutches are no good and I'm waving them about pointlessly, but the pain doesn't come and I can feel a lot of pressure in my arms, so I guess all that pressure isn't on my pelvis. There's certainly a big difference if I go from leaning on the crutches to not leaning on them; I can feel the pressure transfer through to my feet, obviously passing via the pelvis.

It's hard work though and I feel sooooo self conscious. And not being able to carry things is a pest. I had a jacket on today on the way to the school, which I removed and tied round my waist only to have it drop off seconds later. Picking up is not my forte at the moment so much grr-ing was required.

People are very sympathetic to me-with-crutches, which I find very embarrassing. Nope, there is no pleasing me. Lack of sympathy annoys; sympathy embarrasses. I know that people do care and the lack of attention is because I appear/claim to be capable, and I am aware of appearing very incapable. But it is nice how caring people actually are. In my ungrateful moments I think - but never say - "what do you think I've been on about the last couple of months???" when asked what I've done to myself. Pelvis no worky. I definitely mentioned it to, erm, everyone.

So. Other pregnancy things.

Gestation: 26+5
Movement: lots and lots
Other symptoms: indigestion, stingy boobies, a very large abdomen, and that is all.

The movements are amazing. I can't get enough of them. It makes me wonder in amazement that there is actually a human being inside there, that will soon be out and growing up and being a proper little person. From a few tiny cells inside of me, to a person.

I do feel quite astonished when I look at my huge five year olds and struggle to imagine how they ever were two foetuses side by side in my abdomen. And the whole thing just happens, because we copulated at the right times there are three new people. All I've done is not break them.

Shut up, pessimistic "yet".

Crutched

Well, I've got crutches now. And I have to say, they help a LOT. I even slower than I was without them, and there's the obvious downside of not being able to carry anything - something I forgot to consider when taking my maternity notes and a tiny handbag. My rucksack will have to be my handbag in case of needing to carry anything.

The physio asked how I was when moving my legs to the side. For the last few days it has been very painful, if I'm sitting and I let my leg flop to the side, it hurts. Legs must point straight forwards at all times, or the pelvis objects.

Based on this, the physio reckons a c-section would probably be best, as I would be very limited in positions to labour in. This pleases me. For one, I feel less like a section is a cop out for every additional reason I have. Plus, I would guess a consultant would be less likely to try and talk me round to a VBAC if pain is a consideration.

I shortly have to go to the school to collect the boys. I am really apprehensive about going with crutches. Having had to walk a fair way back to the car at the hospital, I know that they will make the walking part less arduous, but I feel incredibly self conscious.

I do also feel that I should be used as a caution to young girls. What with my twins and my crutches I feel I make a far more effective deterrent than a crying baby doll.

Sticks of apprehension

Today is the day that I get crutches. I have never used crutches in my life, other than "having a shot" when other people have broken a leg/foot/ankle.

My state of mind is a confused one, for a change. Conflicting thoughts of "oh my God, I'm going to be rubbish at this, and I'll be embarrassed and useless" with "I will actually be able to walk more than ten yards*, woohoo, I can more or less function as (semi) normal" mean I'm excited and scared all at the same time. Mostly scared, which is the primary sentiment for most pregnancy related emotions.

*Yes, yards, it's imperial for distance. Blame convention, not my education.


More later, when I am encrutched...

Sloth

I spent the entire day doing nothing today. 8-9 am I was involved in getting the boys ready for school. Back to bed until 12.30, then got up, had lunch, stared at the TV and did the school run via Lidl.

Lidl is my new favourite shop, you can park at the door.

Despite, or perhaps due to, lack of movement, the 200 yard walk from car to school was almost beyond me. Slow doesn't begin to describe it and I had to stop and take a deep breath to get past an ouchie moment more than once.

It occurred to me today: I can't carry a thing when walking with crutches. How's that going to work? I do curse the fact that we live on the second floor, although probably not as much as I am thankful that we are all on one level. When I'm in, I'm in.

Other than the PGP, all is well. No mad twitchy legs, indigestion is manageable, baby moves lots and is clearly growing well. Inactivity does sit well with me, and it's so much more likely that I'll eat healthy non stomach upsetting food when I have to make it at home. I clearly need to carve myself an at home career.

Did I ever promise interesting posts? No, I did not.

Bedrest or something approximating this

I am now signed off work for the duration. My signed off period ends the day that I am due to come off on leave. So no work till next summer.

Physio called me today, I am advised to try not moving where possible, and I've to go on Monday and collect crutches.

I feel a bit useless. No, I feel a lot useless. The whole thought of the summer holidays, followed by the school run in my latter weeks of pregnancy, followed by a new baby to care for is making me feel completely overwhelmed. And so I'm being psychotic, natch. I cried at the doctor today mostly because I was so relieved to see it was my own doctor.

I am measuring 3 weeks ahead of what I should be. A part of my brain knows that this is irrelevant and is due to overstretching by twins and general lack of shapeliness, but another part is thinking maybe, just maybe, she is further on and will arrive earlier, fully cooked and healthy. 37 weeks would be nice, assuming she's all done and well. That's 10 September or so. That's less time to hobble about.

I am placing great faith in the crutches and their ability to aid me to walk. I am envisaging happy summer managing-to-make-it-across-park outings. I am however a little apprehensive about the fact that I'll need to learn how to walk with crutches. I collect them at 12 on Monday; at 3 on Monday I have to collect the kids from school. If anyone laughs I'll probably cry at them.

Baby has been more restful today, lack of caffeine perhaps. Still enough movement to alleviate concerns (plus inevitable heartbeat checks) so it's ok.

So tired. So sore. So inactive.