Motherhood the second

Well, from my ponderations of pregnancy, a few things have transpired to be true and a few to be woefully inaccurate.

I got my section, no need to worry about whether or not I wanted one, it was taken as wanted, and as E was delivered at 36 weeks and I couldn't be induced having had a previous section, it would have to have been a section in the end regardless of prior arrangements.

No breastfeeding, although E did latch on and get some colostrum on day 3. I cannot now breastfeed as my blood pressure refused to calm down with breastmilk friendly drugs, so I am now on ones that are working, but which are not suitable for breastfeeding. Which is a shame when she'd had a shot, and she looks for it from me, but she is so small and in need of food she would have required at least some top ups anyway. My milk is now in, I am engorged and in pain, with entirely unappealing cabbage leaves in my bra (they do provide relief) and looking forward to "drying up".

One baby is infinitely easier than two. Way, way easier. E is a very chilled and contented baby, which helps, but still. Just one!!

E is a tiny baby, not jumbo as feared. She was just the right size for 36 weeks at birth, but that's tiny. Her skin is too big for her and she is teeny tiny pocket sized. Healthy, but minuscule. Everyone comments on her tininess, including me and her daddy. She is very cute though, and does, fingers crossed, seem very well.

And then there is me. I'm a bit broken. I have been scared shitless (sorry) about dying, and I feel very emotional. For no good reason I feel sad that I am not pregnant any more, I should be for another 2 or 3 weeks. The fact is I am not, I don't have to endure the lumbering discomfort of the last month of pregnancy, and the birth is behind me, with baby out, and healthy. So why do I feel bereft whenever I think back to being pregnant?

Answer: hormones. All out of whack. I am also very tired and need to take things sloowwwwly.

Bananas reduce blood pressure. Damned marvellous fruit so it is. I am self medicating (plus the official drugs) by eating more bananas and consuming less caffeine and salt. Something's working finally, my bp is that of a normal person with slightly raised bp. Not mental admit-to-hospital high like before.

Pelvis is normal! Like it never had a problem. I can walk again!

Neck still not sore.

Overall weight gain in pregnancy is currently 5lb and falling daily. Woohoo. It was all baby and baby fluids, not doughnuts. Joined weightwatchers online to avoid piling on post natal weight.

And that is where I'm at, 8 days after the birth of my daughter. I have a daughter you know.

Birth Day in a few minutes... Probably

I appear to be broken. I feel ok, yet my blood pressure remains high (very) despite medicinal intervention for a full week now. Today I have the addition of a slightly raised temperature and an increased white cell count.

Panic station. I do feel a little paranoid when medical staff go bananas, it does suggest a modicum of seriousness.

But I am pregnant, they never take chances with pregnancy, and apparently infection can make anaesthetists reluctant to make a thonking great hole in my back for the spinal block. No anaesthetic clearly means no section.

But... Unidentified infection makes it more paramount to remove baby from her defective incubator.

So far I have responded very well to antibiotics and my temperature is normal. If it is normal upon waking, my section is now a priority. It should be a matter of hours until baby is born. And hours means about 9 hours. Yikes!

As a scan had been booked, the ultrasound department phoned down looking for me today. I had been told it had been cancelled and indeed had never been told the time it was to have been. So they phoned the ward and the conclusion was that a) my consultant clearly did want it and b) as I was there they'd do it if I wanted it.

What do you think?

She looks well. Everything is as should be and most encouragingly she is measuring large for her dates. She is very happy and she is still a she and I fervently hope that being taken from me a month early does not cause her damage.

One of my room mates had the cutest little boy I've seen early this morning, utterly gorgeous.

Another room mate is breaking my heart, she is 16 years old, 24 weeks pregnant with monochorionic twins and she has pre eclampsia. She was told today that she must remain in hospital until the babies are born and that this could be any day. Bless her, she just wants to be with her mum and she's really very ill. I am her surrogate mummy tonight but I am preoccupied and leaving ante natal tomorrow. The fact that I have twins and have been hospitalised to await the maturity (almost) of my baby means I can be Norma know it all. Which she seems to like poor poppet.

I feel ancient again. Her mum is younger than me.

One more room mate seems to be a possible real friend.

I am so self obsessed, once this is over and baby is all settled, I need to be a better friend to all.

Must try and relax. Sleep is unlikely but reading and chilling would probably be wise.

Baby in the morning. Please let her be ok. Please.

Under pressure

Uh oh. Well, my routine appointment this morning confirmed a few things:

My blood pressure is crazy high, but I have no other worrying symptoms.
Baby is breech, so I've to be scanned next Friday (woo!!)
Section is now definite (double woo!)

I am being kept in hospital for monitoring, not sure how long this will be for, but at least overnight.

Not happy. I feel fine (although obviously I am relieved they are keeping an eye on me and baby) and it's a Right Pain to be stuck in here. I also stupidly didn't have any breakfast so I'm starving.

More later...