The first, the everything

I'm not sure if I'm generally more meh about everything, or if I conceived first time so easily I took it all for granted, or if having twins meant it was impossible, but I have never had the "first born" thing. Most people seem to have this thing where their first born, only their first born, is excessively precious and fragile. This only lasts until the second child arrives and never applies to second and subsequent children.

All babies are precious and fragile, I know this. They are miraculous and all parents believe their child is the most beautiful, perfect, clever, wonderful person to ever live. (My babies actually are the cleverest and beautifullest, by the way). I do baffle at entourages for newborns though, and the amount of stuff that accompanies the entourage. It's the wonderment that accompanies it all, and I do feel (probably as a second born child) that it's a bit unfair that it only applies to baby number one.

One thing I don't do however that many many parents do and I don't understand it (although I am well envious that they have the option) is leave their babies overnight with a grandparent - or sister or cousin or friend - from a very young age. Said person is obviously part of the entourage, but I couldn't be apart from my babies overnight until they were over a year old, and even then I only ever left them with their father. Some smart cookies seem to arrange a regular night off virtually from birth.  for us, babysitting ended when we got home, and was a bi-monthly treat anyway (now it is less, sigh). The boys from the age of 4 were allowed overnight to their granny, three nights is the longest they have been away from us and I miss them like crazy when they're gone. Maybe my (relative) nonchalance about their existence stems from their omnipresence?

Many mothers return to work quite soon after their first baby is born (not so true with second babies, part time and career breaks seem to be more common with every additional child) and I envy them both the job to return to and the additional things  that they can provide for. But there are benefits to being at home and being the sole carer for your babies; the being apart must lead to slight overcompensation when together. Also only having one child may make it easier to devote oneself entirely to that one child. I may do that this time, I am quite excited at the thought of swimming, mother and toddlers, baby carriers, going back to work (maybe) and other things that were out of the question with twins. I may have the first-born experience with my singleton! I don't think she'll be staying away in a hurry though.

Big baby?

I'm having concerns about the size of my baby. Not serious concerns, just minor niggles.

Namely: her brothers were a normal good size and they were twins. R was 7lb 1. So if that's what twins grow to inside of me, then what will a singleton do? Second babies are supposedly larger than first, which I take to be second pregnancies, I don't think it increases with every baby.

Plus my bump is (slightly, not comment-worthily) big, I was measuring 24cm on Friday, which is within the normal range of 2cm either way of expected (22cm at 22 weeks) but still bigger. Her lengths were all normal at the scan, but normal has a range. An 11lb baby is normal.

As I don't plan to deliver naturally (reason #876), that isn't an issue, but I am concerned about how the old pelvis will hold out. For the last 6 weeks before B-Day, I will have to transfer the boys to and from school.

Who knows. I was 2 weeks early and was something like 6lb. Hubby was 6 weeks early and tiny. My niece was 35 weeks and just under 4lb. These things don't indicate a big baby genetically.

Having said that, my mother didn't smoke but the mothers of the other 2 mentioned babies did. One thing that seems to be common to all smoking mothers-to-be in my experience is premature, small babies. So possibly irrelevant.

Maybe twins aren't small, that maybe takes into consideration the early arrival of many twins. And the fact that twins are considered "full term" at something like 34 weeks instead of the 37 for single babies.

I could perhaps aid baby by eating less sweeties. I never eat sweets much normally, and I am eating pounds of sweets. Ridiculous!! Way to give myself gestational diabetes.

Kicking is marvellous, I discovered today that she will kick in response to my voice, possibly objecting to the booming voicebox. But it's still cool to talk and get a response. It may make me look like a lunatic, I can't say that I have entirely restricted this to home ("that was a bit loud wasn't it?" or "hello there!" in response to a kick) but at home I chatter away about what we're having for lunch etc. The boys will chat to her as well; O told me off earlier for being mean to her when I said she was a lazybones for not kicking on demand.

For all I am sore, tired, grumpy and overwhelmed, I wouldn't swap this for anything. I thought today how utterly wonderful it is to be a woman and have a life growing inside you. I will always look fondly back at this stage and remember these kicks and how special it felt. I do feel womanly and goddesslike today.

Not sexy though. That's mad.

Ooh, madness, that's reminds me...