Feeding

I've been a-reading about breastfeeding, in a much recommended book going by the name of "what to do when you're breastfeeding and what to do if you can't". The author (Clare Byam-Cook) is very good apparently and so I thought I'd see what she had to say.

By coincidence, the very same day I downloaded this book onto my precious kindle, Julia Boggio blogged that she'd visited Clare Byam-Cook for advice and was singing her praises. Spooky complete randomness, but hey, it could be a small sign of something. A sign-ette that I should be considering the whole breastfeeding thing.

Because of the whole breast-is-best and the lack of support for bottle feeding, I'm slightly evangelical about people who feel they mustn't ever give up on exclusive breastfeeding and are appalled by the idea of topping up. I'm quick to say "it's ok!!!" but that doesn't mean I don't think everyone should give the old breastfeeding a shot.

The book does make both palatable and interesting reading. I do intend to try it again, but even reading the book I am thinking "an hour to do a feed? an HOUR?" and worrying about comfort sucking and similar. Having not succeeded with breastfeeding at all last time, it's a whole new ball game.

I am motivated by how sick O was, I think he may have escaped a lot of that if he hadnt had formula from birth. I don't know that though. I was interested to read that a small baby that falls asleep quickly may not have the energy for a full breastfeed. O was like this and we had to get him faster teats so he could manage to drink a whole feed. While he may not have been so sick, he may not have got enough food and would have been even tireder. Who knows? He's very healthy now.

My reservations are thus:

If I have a caesarean birth, my milk may not be there at all again. The twins didn't even get colostrum and were getting sickly which is why I introduced formula in the first place. I do believe it is perfectly possible to give formula top ups until the milk comes in, but I'm not sure how that works if there's nothing at all coming out of the breast and baby does not want to latch on at all. This is what happened before, and I never went back, it was not suggested even when my milk came in and I queried it.

I am perturbed by the number of breastfeeding mums who do night feeds when their child is a considerable age. Over a year old and still having night feeds!! The twins had dropped all night feeds to the extent that waking again as we approached 4 months was noteworthy and indicative of a need to wean. I feel that I would definitely be topping up at bedtime if night feeds persisted.

Bottles are kind of easy to monitor, I worry that I'd spend a lot of time ineffectively breastfeeding. The book indicates that you quickly get the hang of whether the baby has had a full feed or is comfort sucking, and that if the baby is sated that they will sleep for 4 hours. Two hourly feeds are supposedly indicative of a poor latch or not enough milk being taken.

Babies who don't have bottles may have problems taking a bottle for water and later on for juice. They may also not like a dummy and - I may be making this up - might look to the breast for comfort instead.  Hmm. On that last point, I am reminded that I didn't offer the twins a bottle if it wasn't obvious that food was what was required, so I guess I wouldn't put them to the breast unless I genuinely thought them hungry.

Oh I don't know. I want to try, even if it's only for the first few days.

A small part of my brain is hoping baby comes the week before my caesarean is due and arrives naturally. Is that mad? Does that mean I'm really after a VBAC? The risks convince me no, so why the secret wish?

I'm even contemplating baby led weaning. Whether that holds out when baby is starving, I know not.

I'm going all soft. Kaz Cooke's Rough Guide to Babies and Toddlers arrived and while she's not at all of the you-must-obey-the-rules-of-naturalness she does make suggestions that make me think, well, it might be OK...

"Bad" parenting

I am going to be a bad mother to this baby. It cannot be helped for I have been tainted by experience.

I do not undertake to breastfeeding against all odds until my child is 14.
I fully intend to try; if - unlike my firstborn - they manage to latch on within 72 hours, then they shall have my milk. Combined with formula, pretty much from day one. Reasons for this are many:
1) 2 healthy boys who never had breastmilk
2) 1 allergy ridden, UTI prone, asthmatic mother who was exclusively breastfed (thats me!) unlike her exclusively formula fed sibling who has none of the above
3) I'm not that good at eating nutritionally great food and would have palpitations at the thought of depriving my child. I also need rather a lot of medication when I'm not pregnant. I like the security of measured nutrients, safe milk and confirmed amounts.

I shall be offering my child a dummy.
It is called a soother and it soothes. People who think they are a cop out are idiotic; if a child is offered a dummy when something else is desired, the dummy is swiftly returned. Besides, current wisdom decrees it protects against SIDS.

I shall be fighting to NOT have a natural birth.
I want a caesarean. The survival chances and health of my child are significantly better with a planned caesarean. I have good reason to think that my pelvis would be rubbish at the whole delivery thing (also, son 1 has a ginormous head) A failed VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) bodes very ominously for mother and child. An elective caesarean has the most positive statistics. I don't remotely feel that I will miss out on a natural birth, I had no trouble bonding with my caesarean born twins and I am prepared to fight for the right to have a section. I'm not incidentally too posh to push, I don't have issue with pain, I do have issue with endangering my unborn child.

I shall be destroying the planet.
It's disposables I'm afraid. No child of mine is having nappy rash because I chose a different type of nappy from the one that I know works beautifully.

I shall be weaning at 17 weeks.
I liked the puree stage, theres something immensely satisfying about making a tiny pot of goo and feeding it to your child, and experimenting with foods. Given that the period from 14-17 weeks was a trial of not being able to satisfy hungry boys, I embraced the arrival of 17 weeks and weaning. No way could we have waited till 6 months. There are better first weaning foods now, I weaned mine on (gluten free, sugar free) rusks (don't tell my health visitor!!) as they understandably balked at baby rice, which supposedly means "they are not ready". Bollocks, it means baby rice is rank.

My child might well go straight into their own room.
Unless we haven't moved of course, but if we have they will. The boys did, we had no choice as there was no room for four of us in one bedroom. A midwife made me cry by insinuating that I was going to be tantamount to murdering my babies by not having them in beside me. My obstetrician arrived as I sobbed, he tsked at the midwife's words, informing me all three of his own children had gone into their own rooms. It makes sense to me, to have them settle early rather than having the heartbreak of separation later.

Shoot me now. I'm uncaring and old fashioned. I believe in happy children, I don't need to complete myself as a woman or save the planet. I want my children to be secure, loved and well. I shall do all of the above and if this baby is as healthy and happy as my twins are, I shall be satisfied with my job of mothering.

For the record, Dr Spock talked a lot of sense as far as I can tell. I am going to read his book and see if he was as awful as I've been told...